To not wash my DH's clothes?

[CailinDana]

I thought I'd start a thread on this as I mentioned it within another thread and got some responses. I have never washed my DH's clothes and I never will unless he becomes ill or incapacitated. I'm a SAHM and I do wash DS's clothes. As far as I'm concerned clothes washing is part of personal hygiene, it's a person's own business to ensure they have clean underwear and I'm not getting involved. There is no way on earth I would pick up DH's dirty underpants and socks (usually from the floor where they reside) and I just don't have time to hang it all out and take it all in. Once DS is old enough (about 10 is reasonable I think) he will become responsible for his own washing. Doing washing for someone else strikes me as a bit servile to be honest.

I don't iron anything ever. DH has his own wash basket. He has never complained about this situation. AIBU?

We all use the cups, we both use the bed, the bathroom again is for shared use. I don't use his clothes, they're his things, so they're his responsibility.

I think you are BU. Just put all the dirty laundry in the wash and wash it. Easy. It's not like your taking his stuff down to the river and hand washing it. It's not bloody hard to put some washing in. Strewth.

I do find this very interesting. On mumsnet threads are usually full of talk about equal leisure time etc but here people are implying that by not doing this job for DH I don't love him, we're not a partnership etc. Interesting to see a more honest take on it.

YANBU (apart from the servile bit). DH has always done his own washing and ironing, generally one load a week and he irons a shirt every morning. I do the washing for me and the DC as well as nappies/sheets/towels/bathmat etc. I'll put some of his in if I need to make it up to a full load so there's no waste. We share cooking/washing up/childcare (while he's at home), I do the shopping and most (= very little ) cleaning (would like him to do more cleaning - actually tbf he is good at hoovering/mopping if told which is the bulk of it).

I am generally in charge of removing spiders

I was going to ask if you give him his sperm back to clean up but then mental images stopped me.

I find this very odd. Does he do nothing for you? You are supposed to be a partnership this sounds more like a house share!

I also wouldn't make my DC do their own washing! I am their mother and it is my job to look after them, part of which is ensuring they have clean clothes.

Each to their own I suppose

I suppose I just don't get how it could increase your workload that much.
It'd feel a bit 'flat-matey' to me, but if it works for you!

There's no chore division in our house, we both work shifts so if something needs doing, it gets done by whoever's there. Except the really nasty stuff obviously. I'm more about the washing...

Seems very odd to me

Servile?

yabu to say washing clothes is part of personal hygiene. CHANGING clothes is, yes, but surely washing clothes is just another household task?

Yes he does things for me, like I do things for him. Washing just isn't one of them. Of course I'll do my DS's clothes until he is old enough to them himself but IMO doing clothes for a teenager is not doing any favours for yourself or them. Expecting someone to be responsible for their own things is a good life lesson IMO.

Well.

I suppose ... thinking about it ... I don't think YABU.

You have found a way of diving household work. We do that too: for eg changing the cat litter makes me wheeze, so DH does it; I for some reason enjoy cleaning the bathroom, he for some reason doesn't mind cleaning out the kitchen cupboards.

I guess it's that this particular division of labour seems somehow personal - almost as if you have a distaste for your DH's clothing - but if it works for you, then doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

diving dividing

Ok but Cailin, assuming your teenager will only be wearing one outfit a day, won't it take him about a week or so to build up a load of washing on his own, by which time he will have run out of clothes? Either that or he'll be doing a teeny load every day or so.

I think my main issue with this is that it seems like so much more hassle (and expense with all the extra loads) to separate everything rather than just shoving in a big load of everybody's stuff.

We share the washing, if we see the washing basket is full, whoever that person is happens to put a wash on. We don't have seperate baskets.

I clean the bathroom (actually enjoy it when I get around to it!), he generally does the dishwasher/kitchen.. and I hoover and dust.. it's mostly shared really!

I also have to remove the spiders! My boyfriend is SUCH a wuss!!

Believe me, I want my teen son to be able to look after himself, which is why he is perfectly capable of cooking a decent meal (and does so on a regular basis), does the washing up and keeps his room immaculate, to name a few things.

Not a windup everlong, just asking out of interest. I'm not asking MN to arbitrate on my life!

I think your reasoning is rational and logical.
YANBU.

You've basically stopped the "I'm pissed of with DH never doign a load of washing and i do it all"
like that other thread we had not long ago, where the OP went on strike to see how long it would take her DH to realise that she hadn't washed any of his clothes.

If you'd never tried to do loads together, then I could see the argument for giving it a go, but you have, and he didn't do any of it.
which is just a classic get-out clause, isn't it! It's being done, so why should I bother!

I don't think you should follow the same logic with your DS, however. If you do, you're probably setting him up to be a man like your DH with regard to washing. I think you and your DS could make a rota, and make it part of his chores?
But hten, having said that, I can see that not working either, because of it clashing with your DH doing his own washing.
Maybe with your son, you could have him include his towels/flannels and bedding as part of "his" washing - then he can have say, dark towels, which go on with his darks, and his bedding go on with his whites.

I always had to do my own washing as a teenager and it worked fine. I had enough clothes to last me a week then I generally did my washing at the weekend. Sometimes I teamed up with my sister which taught me how to cooperate with a peer on a task. It usually involved fighting of some sort but what doesn't when siblings are involved!

lump - i don't see why the DS wouldn't have enoug hclothes to see him through a week. I had hardly any clothes as a child, and mine did!
Except maybe scholl clothes, but I can understand that most kids will have at leat one shirt for every day, andthere's not normally a reason to change trousers more than once a week, unless he's playing out in them, in which case, you'd have more to compensate.
plus, it's better for your clothes not to be washed as often, therefore more clothes in a longer rotation would be ideal.

I jsut realised that my ex and I had a similar process - he kept his clothes in his on laundry basket, andthey would be washed if he put them in the upstairs basket - but then, he would usually put a load on when he brought his up.

My DH and I share the washing - he usually does more than me, because I'm lazy. like, often I'll put it on, and he'll hang it out (and bring it back in again), or he'll put it on, and I'll hang it up (if it's on the inside clothes horse) and put it away.
With us, it works because it's swings androundabouts, but that's not alwasy the solution.

Doesn't that mean you (as a househole) have the washing machine on far more times than it needs to be/use double the amount of powder/conditioner?

Househole? Love it! Absolutely describes my set up . Btw I do the washing, whoever's around when it's finished hangs it out and dh puts away. We do our own ironing. Occasionally dh does a load of his own but that is because he has a bad habit of leaving his clothes in a heap on the floor and I'm not his servant so I won't pick up after him.

Seems ridiculous to me but if it works for you-great!

Does your husband wear an inordinate amount of clothes if pegging out would become so burdensome?

Like I said, it just seems a bit mean spirited if you're doing washing anyway, to specifically leave his to one side. And yes, I would think that if you're a SAHM with one child then really washing should be part of your job. Call me old fashioned or sexist (which honestly I don't think I am. I work part time, do most but not all of the chores), but it's about helping one another out isn't it? He does his job (predominantly earning money), you do yours (predominantly keeping house and child).

I'd understand more if there were specifically allocated jobs - eg he always mowed the lawn etc, but to just do half a job and leave his, out of principle, seems a bit tight. And also, washing is a pain in the arse to dry, if you line dry, it needs to be out all day, so I would say washing is a fairly awkward job to make him do out of principle. It seems to me that you're doing this to make a point, but what point, I'm not really sure.

Seems totally petty to me. Stop being so lazy and wash you DH's clothes.

i always did my DH's laundry until i got sick and he had to start helping out and i realised when he did washing it was either towels or just his stuff! so now i refuse (well, i don't really but i don't go out of my way to do it). same with ironing.

we have plenty of washing between the four of us, along with towels, bed clothes, tea towels, bibs etc. so there are always full washes to be done anyway..