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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 22:30

Sorry so you were a patient and they took your number from confidential files? I'd report him so he lost his job it's abuse of his position.

HeadfirstForHalos · 28/08/2011 22:30

If he is no longer involved in your care I would say go for it.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:32

Its not the done thing if he knows you purely from being a patient, i.e he got your number from confidential files etc. If you were once a patient and he met you out and about it is different entirely

bubblesincoffee · 28/08/2011 22:33

If you are no longer a patient, I don't think it's bad at all. He may have done something slightly against the rules, but if it all works out it will become no more than an amusing story to be told at the wedding. Grin

Onemorning · 28/08/2011 22:33

His actions have been inappropriate, unprofessional and quite possibly illegal. So I think you're scoring an 8 on the Stupidometer...

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:33

He could lose his registration if he has behaved inappropriatley though (i.e getting your number from his place of work), just beware

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 22:34

Ask yourself how many others he has done this too?

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2011 22:34

He was involved in your medical care, then. And he went to your files and got your phone number and has been calling you. You've been ignoring his calls but he's still continued to call you.

OK some questions.

Why didn't he ask you in the hospital if he could contact you when you were out?

Do you actually like him?

Did you feel guilt-tripped into accepting a date?

kerrymumbles · 28/08/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 28/08/2011 22:35

'Involved in your care?'

I would freak that they'd taken my number from my medical records. After treatment was over and you were no longer a patient, I wouldn't think that it would matter so much if they were 'Involved in your care'. But how they got your number is creepy. Particularly if it's someone who operated on you.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 28/08/2011 22:36

Grin Kerrymumbles

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:39

I was still in hospital at the time, it was quite flattering. He's nice but yes I wonder if there are assorted bits of patients decomposing all over his house - in cupboards or under the floorboards or something.

I do like him, am just not sure how bad his behaviour is. Some people say it is Very Bad, others think not so bad. Obviously have no mind of my own.

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 28/08/2011 22:40

In my opinion this has got 'wrong' written all over it, indeed even 'wrong' written right through it, like a stick of BlackWrong Rock

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:40

Bubbles your post totally plays down how serious it actually is. The governing bodies of health care professionals certainly wouldn't think of it as nothing more than an amusing tale to tell at your wedding...

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 28/08/2011 22:41

'I was still in hospital at the time'

OK. That would make me uncomfortable.

purplepidjin · 28/08/2011 22:42

Sounds a lot like gross misconduct to me

I would wonder how many people they had tried this with

I would also be very wary of someone who kept calling until I answered the phone

bruxeur · 28/08/2011 22:42

Well technically that's a career-ender for a Dr, probably for a nurse too. Dunno re the other PAMs.

DuelingFanjo · 28/08/2011 22:42

how did he get your number?

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:44

Guidance for nurses and their professional boundaries here

emsyj · 28/08/2011 22:44

So did he get your number from a confidential file or from you personally?

If the former, that is very very wrong (and he knows it). I would not go near him. Breach of confidentiality is a very serious matter.

If the latter, he has overstepped a boundary and I would proceed with extreme caution (and be aware that, as others have said, he may have previous form and you may not be the only former patient he is 'dating').

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2011 22:44

In what capacity did he know you? Was he your doctor? Your nurse? Your physio?

Why did he need to go to the files for your contact number if you were still in hospital?

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 22:45

YOu never answered my question OP? How many more vulnerable woman has he done this to?

Eh?

messymammy · 28/08/2011 22:45

A guy I trained with did exactly this and wasn't allowed to continue training as a nurse. A big big no no I'm afraid.

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 22:46

Why were you ignoring his calls? Did you not want to go out with him?

And how involved in your care was he?

smallmotherbigheart · 28/08/2011 22:48

I think you need to be very very careful hun. Very careful indeed. He could be a crazy horse..... naayyyy!! dont do it!!