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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:23

Its not being a drama queen to see someone has completley overstepped the mark. There is a reason these boundaries are set and its to protect people at their most vunerable time. Its also not being a drama queen to stress how wrong it is to access somebody's personal information for your own benefit whilst in a relationship of trust.

faverolles · 28/08/2011 23:23

I would find this odd and more than a little disturbing. He will know that this is unacceptable, putting his job at risk, yet he continues to call.

I think I would be sending him a text telling him if he rings once more you will report him.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:24

I'm so obviously not convinced it's right, otherwise would not have started thread. I mean I must know it's not ideal, perhaps I want MN to be my virtual spine (again) and give me permission to say no?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:25

Mitch do you have his number now or not?

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:26

Yikes am miles behind posts

he didn't withhold his number

anyway am glad people are spelling it out, not many speaking in his defence

OP posts:
faverolles · 28/08/2011 23:26

Just thought as well - if he's rootled through enough to find your number, presumably he has his hands on your address as well?
I would report this.

Maryz · 28/08/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:27

that's how it started flabby, I had a missed call from an unknown number and when I returned the call it was him

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:28

Im LOL'ing that the advert to the right of my screen says 'Find and rate your local doctor', how apt!

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:28

Are you texting frequently? Does he phone a lot to chat?

If not I'd ask myself why.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 28/08/2011 23:29

It's a bit naughty, but shows gumption and keenness. Worth meeting for coffee, if you fancy him. Don't rush into anything until you've got a feel for whether he's a slimeball or not.

solidgoldbrass · 28/08/2011 23:30

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but were you in hospital for a physical problem or a psychological one? It does have a bit of a bearing on his behaviour. If you were in for some sort of non-urgent, non-serious surgical procedure like having your bunions fixed, or a facelift, then it's still a bit dodgy but not that bad. However if you have MH issues and were hospitalised due to them, this man's behaviour is unprofessional, predatory and dangerous. There are unfortunately quite a few people who go into MH care because they are predators - they seek out vulnerable patients to abuse because they think that the patients will not be believed if they complain.

theginganinja · 28/08/2011 23:30

I'm with Fabby on this, this sort of behavior would make my creep beep go off... loudly. Taking your phone number from your file is NOT romantic, it's fucking creepy. Report him, seriously, report him.

IfYouSeeACrocodile · 28/08/2011 23:31

Mitchie, I was on your thread a while ago where you were getting stalked, do you think you might be getting into a similar situation here? It does sound as thought the bloke has been extremely persistent, especially considering how inappropriate his initial contact was. You clearly have doubts in your mind - you said upthread you wondered if he had decaying body parts in his flat - go with your instincts.

I mean this in the kindest possible way - I think your last post has it in a nutshell - you have serious issues with the word no. It is not up to MN to persuade you to say no every time you are in an uncomfortable situation.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:32

No texts, he phoned every now and then (I moved to a different hospital as was out of my usual trust area) and mostly I didn't answer until today. I think I might have spoken to him once or twice, not really sure. Maybe just once.

OP posts:
IfYouSeeACrocodile · 28/08/2011 23:32

And what SGB said.

LordOfTheFlies · 28/08/2011 23:32

I'm pretty sure (but not 100%) that if you are now discharged from this persons care, you can have a personal relationship with them. If you had to go back into hospital, they couldn't be involved in your care.

The means by which he got your number is another matter, that sounds like a confidentiality issue,

BTW I'm a Health Care Professional and I've never wanted to shag one of my patients Hmm. And I do have bodyparts (skeleton parts) in my house, but they are not from any of my patients. Just to clear that up Grin

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:33

So no texts could he live with someone? Generally people text, it's what people do who are getting to know each other.

All of it just rings alarm bells, sorry to piss on your bonfire.

solidgoldbrass · 28/08/2011 23:33

So he's been stalking you for a while? Report the fucker. Do NOT date him. Persistence is not romantic, it's a clear indication of an abuser.

Bohica · 28/08/2011 23:33

I agree with Mary He could have asked you for your number but chose to take it from your personal and confidential file.

That's wrong.

I would report him and hope the investigation doesn't reveal hundreds of vulnerable patients put in your position.

It's creepy AND wrong.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:35

it was a medical ward sgb but I quite obviously am/was sporting a severe psychiatric disorder (as my old consultant put it)

does that mean am not allowed to get MN's opinion, my congenital absence of the spine thing?

OP posts:
SalmonPinkCanary · 28/08/2011 23:36

I don't understand how his actions can be anything other than wrong. There is no way that I would date him.

I doubt this is the first time he's accessed records in order to get phone numbers, he also has your address and medical history. He's called you, how long will it be before he turns up at your house??

It's just creepy and odd and what are you getting ... a man who has broken the rules/law and a cock. It's not worth it.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:36

No, you should not approach an ex patient in the hope of conducting a relationship with them, its not at all appropriate or acceptable.

TinyPawz · 28/08/2011 23:38

A handsome doctor type wants to take you out......open up and say "aahh" - Parahrasing Cristina Yang MD

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