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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:51

it must have been in my notes

he asked if I was on fb, I said no, then later I had a missed call from an unknown number and when I returned it there he was

I would have given it to him anyway - no point asking me how serial his behaviour is fabby, I don't know him

ignored calls because it wasn't good timing, but now am thinking it might be ok to see him

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 22:52

Well seriously dude you are a nut case. He clearly has no morals if he did he would not have taken your number from the file.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:53

He's not a mingeologist mmelindor

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:54

You have been TOLD its inappropriate, it shows a severe lack of integrity and morals on his part, why bother asking if you are going to ignore everyones advice?
Hmm

thisisyesterday · 28/08/2011 22:54

oh but just think... maybe it was love at first sight... how could he not take your number??

it doesn't have to mean that he does this regularly to "vulnerable" women....

not saying that he should have done it, or it's ok for him to have done it.... but y;know. just cos he did doesn;t mean he is a terrible rapist/murderer/not fit to be a doctor

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 22:55

Go out with him, go. When he gets another patient he likes the look of he will be getting her number from the file and pestering her.

Generally when you ring someone a few times and they don't answer you stop ringing he didn't.

warthog · 28/08/2011 22:56

no no no way

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 22:56

Yes. He could be disciplined for this. It is totally inappropriate. And a bit stalker-ish, tbh. I wonder how often he does this?

In your shoes, I wouldn't be considering going out with him, I'd be considering reporting him.

thisisyesterday · 28/08/2011 22:57

but maybe that's because he's desperately in love with her!!!

come on, youi can't make assumptions about him just cos he did one bad thing

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 22:57

lol at mingeologist.

I am torn, tbh.

If you liked him, and he liked you then I don't think that it is bad that you go out. But he should not have accessed your phone number. That is seriously not on.

If I were you, I would go out with him, see how you get on but tell him that his behaviour was not acceptable.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:57

well some people think it's ok, others have said it's very much not ok

I'm not sure if it's one of those mild transgressions that anyone is capable of or if it is very serious - he doesn't seem dangerous

did I say I was going to ignore advice?

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:57

It does mean he is not fit to be a doctor actually as he clearly only follows his code on conduct when it suits, what else does he think 'well that doesnt matter' about?

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2011 22:58

I agree with Fabby. Most men would give up if you didn't respond.

What I want to know is this - why couldn't he say on the day you left hospital, "I don't know whether you're seeing someone, but if you're not, would you like to go out for a drink some time?"

That gives you a way out, whereby you can invent a boyfriend. It also means that as it's your last day, neither of you would have to face the other if the answer was no.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 22:59

If anyone else finds out about this and he gets reported, im wondering how appealing he will be to you in a McDonalds uniform...

And as for desperatley in love with her? WTflyingF? Because yes most 'normal' people fall for people they dont know except in a professional capacity dont they?

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:00

It would be just as innapropriate to proposition someone in hospital- do you guys not have the first idea what professional boundaries mean and why they are imposed in the first place?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 23:02

You can't be desperately in love with someone you don't know. You can't get to know someone enough to fall desperately in love with them while they are a vulnerable patient in your care. At the very most, he fancies her and wants to get into her knickers Grin

I don't know about anyone else, but if I met someone while I was in hospital, I'd prefer some nice chat and them asking me if they could call me. It's still a no-no if their boss found out Grin but there is something creepy about not going about things directly, but by checking through your notes and coming at you. iyswim.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:04

Ask yourself if he is that nice why he doesn't already have a girlfriend. This guy now has your address too, now that would freak me the fuck out.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:04

that's why I've always thought law was superior, you are encouraged allowed to shag the clients

no obviously it is dodgy, think will meet for lunch and see how he seems - he probably won't want to murder me, he might just be a bit slimy?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 28/08/2011 23:05

oh stop it! i've watched enough films to know that it's entirely possible Blush

k, op should prob listen to the majority, i just have a "happy ever after" complex lol

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 23:05

Of course, bimbo. It is to protect people when they are vulnerable. But it is less creepy (although still a disciplinary offence) to have a flirty chat and sneakily pass your number over than to go through a patient's notes and cold call them.

the first is totally inappropriate but just cheeky and the second is totally inappropriate and a bit creepy.

They are both called an abuse of power/position/trust, but one is, I dunno, less odd than the other, iyswim.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:06

I'm nice and don't have a boyfriend fabby

nice but monumentally thick

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:06

I bet Harold Shipman's wife thought she'd found her happy ever after story too...

GreenEyesandHam · 28/08/2011 23:06

It's totally wrong. The dynamics are all to cock.

Back off, if it's meant to be you will meet again a few years down the line, on level footing. Or something

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 23:06

Grin oh you old soppy thing, you.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 23:07

sorry. that was to thisisyesterday. MNs resident Hopeless Romantic Wink