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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:07

I don't want to marry him, just thought it might be nice to have sex with someone I fancy for a change.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:08

Im trying to protect you here, the guy is in a position of trust, he abused it, he rang you ignored he persisted. He took your number from a file which is confidential. His behaviour is not normal. Sorry it isn't. Stay single and stay safe.

HardCheese · 28/08/2011 23:09

I'm puzzled that you ask if YOU'RE doing the wrong thing by going out with HIM, when all the wrong-doing is on his side. This is a significant ethical and procedural transgression on the part of a healthcare practitioner, whether he's a doctor, nurse or whatever. Frankly, it would ring every alarm bell I have, as even if he's no longer involved in your care, it suggests he obtained your number surreptitiously, without your consent, at a time when you were vulnerable, and contravened his professional ethics. You are doing nothing wrong by going out with him, but it's a really bad idea, as he sounds irresponsible and potentially controlling.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/08/2011 23:09

Totally not on.

Discpline and gross misconduct all the way. (previously a PAM).

Confiedentiality is drilled into us, whether that is notes or information, if knowledge (telephone no) is something gained via the workplace that is where it should stay. The only way he should have got the info is a direct ask (and eevn that is very dodgy ground).

I've met Dr's who would chance there arm at asking a pt out (when writing a discharge script) but none that i can remember have ever used a number from the notes.

Very poor form and speaks volumes about him as a person.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:09

There are plenty of fanciable men out there who do not abuse their position of trust and think nothing of comitting gross misconduct.
Im actually starting to think you are on a wind up, mind you.

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 23:10

Agree with TheMagnificant

If he had asked you out directly it would have been wrong, but less creepy.

Why are you even thinking of going if you find him a bit slimey?

I would call off. You don't sound like you are really into him.

worraliberty · 28/08/2011 23:12

How exactly was he involved in your care?

Is he a Nurse/Doctor or what does he actually do at the Hospital?

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:12

I'm not on a wind up! Surely I'd name change for that

no I suppose that is what I was asking really, does it speak volumes about him as a person or is it ever excusable

also is a bit demoralising that I attract so many unsavoury types, he does seem nice

OP posts:

JanMorrow · 28/08/2011 23:14

Sounds a bit creepy to me.. he got your number from notes and has repeatedly rung you? Ew. Desperado.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:16

He is going to seem nice of course he is he was your carer they have to be nice, however his behaviour shows that he is not trustworthy, that he has no morals and that he does not take no for an answer.

Looks can be deceiving, as can actions when you don't really know someone.

He could be your worse nightmare in disguise. And for what? A fuck? Seriously not worth it.

Get your ass to Portsmouth and come out on the town sure can find you a good looking guy!

Onemorning · 28/08/2011 23:17

It's not excusable. He is way beyond the bounds of acceptable behaviour, and you are potentially putting yourself at risk by meeting him.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:18

Ooooh Portsmouth- sailors!! swoon

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:18

I don't think he's slimy, this behaviour aside, I was thinking that's the worst possible outcome - that I meet him in daylight and realise he is a bit creepy

obviously was not feeling well while in hospital but he didn't give off scary vibes, he was nice

does it make a difference where he ranks in the medical hierarchy?

OP posts:

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:19

opinion definitely weighted in favour of NOT dating him then?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 28/08/2011 23:19

does it make a difference where he ranks in the medical hierarchy?

No, but I'm very nosey and would like to know please

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 23:19

No. It doesn't.

They all know the rules and why the rules are there. It doesn't matter if he's a porter or a consultant.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:20

Once you meet him you deem interest, you didn't deem interest when you did not answer your phone but he continued to ring, he is persistent he won't take no for an answer. Sleep with this guy and he will turn into a stalker.

Maryz · 28/08/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 28/08/2011 23:21

I would go out with him (if he asked and I fancied him). There are a lot of drama queens on MN.

But make it lunch in public - just in case

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:21

You sound like one of those naieve old ladies who fall for these 'servicemen' that swindle them out of thousands 'but he seemed sooooo lovely and caring'
You DONT know him, you know the image he projected to you whilst in a professional capacity. Couple that with the fact he clearly ignores his code of conduct to suit then you really need your head testing if you go near.
I ask again, if you are so convinced you are doing the right thing why did you bother to ask?

Casmama · 28/08/2011 23:22

This man has used his position to look into your medical notes. How happy are you that he could have looked back at your entire medical history? He also took your number and then repeatedly called you despite no response from you. It would be pretty creepy but at least more acceptable if he had left one message to say that he was interested and giving you his number so that he was leaving the ball in your court - this behaviour shows a complete lack of professional ethics and morals.
How would you feel if he turned up at your house - he could have got your address from your notes too. Or would you just proceed straight to the sex in that instance/
I think this is a very bad idea but suggest that if you are going to go ahead with it that you follow basic safety precautions - eg meet for lunch or coffee not dinner, in a public place and let a good friend know where you are and have a time to check in.

Onemorning · 28/08/2011 23:22

If he has access to your medical records it's massively, stonkingly unethical.

Are you really that desperate for a shag that you'd go out with a man who stole your details from your medical records?

thisisyesterday · 28/08/2011 23:22

maybe he is just calling to give you your test results? hahha

ChippingIn · 28/08/2011 23:22

MaryZ - we seem to be on a collision course today

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:23

Im concerned also he withheld his number! Why?

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