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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:

Flowerista · 29/08/2011 00:05

Flabby typo'd should have said fabby sorry

Eurostar · 29/08/2011 00:07

Why is it funny Flowerista?

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:07

It's not a con, am hardly coming out of this well am I?

Anyway think should talk to cpn and find out how to report it, it all seems very tilted in direction of predatory behaviour. The ward was full of nonagenarians so am hoping it isn't a serial problem for him.

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 29/08/2011 00:08

He should be sacked. He is a danger to patients. Mitch I am not in any way condeming you for having MH issues. I am condeming this awful predatory man who is targeting you. Remember that he's read your notes. He knows you have MH problems (which may include difficulty with boundaries). So he has decided that you are someone he can stalk, mistreat and abuse because he thinks you are either a person who can be persuaded to suck up his awful behaviour and blame yourself for it, or that you are only a 'nutter' and a female one at that so no one will believe you if you complain about him.

pamplemousserose · 29/08/2011 00:09

Sounds a bit psycho to me.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 00:09

I would never date anyone who didn't know how to behave improperly, but I don't date my clients - existing or former - nor do I date anyone with whom I have a working or professional relationship.

BimboNo5 · 29/08/2011 00:09

Flower- bog off, theres a love. Who the frig are you to come on here as a newbie and tell people not to believe a well respected long standing poster?

FabbyChic · 29/08/2011 00:10

Flowerista, surely my stomach is not visible from here?

Mitch honey, tell someone it isn't right.

Get yourself better and back on the dating ladder when you are ready.

Flowerista · 29/08/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:14

Izzy!

thanks everyone, it's bizarre to think I'd make this up - I was going to meet him for lunch on Weds but obviously not entirely 100% at ease with idea hence thread

think sgb speaks some bleak truths

OP posts:

FreudianSlipper · 29/08/2011 00:19

he could have asked you out while you were in hospital and the fact he keeps ringing you is creepy

it could be seen as being romantic as he is so infatuated by you but i think its more a sign of a pest or worse an obsessive man and i doubt you are the first patient he has done this too

i would find this a total invasion of my privacy and be angry he thought that it was acceptable to do this

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 00:21

Hey Mitch, I've been an inpatient.

It isn't the right time to start any relationship, even amongst patients. You can DM me anytime.

Onemorning · 29/08/2011 00:24

Mitch, give him a wide berth. Seriously. You deserve much better.

Whatmeworry · 29/08/2011 00:27

Depends if you want to go out or not......

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 00:31

I do like him, am just not sure how bad his behaviour is. Some people say it is Very Bad, others think not so bad

Who are these people who 'say'?

When you were in hospital, did you have conversations with this guy, did you feel uneasy about him then? Or did you hope/plan that you could have some contact with him after you were discharged?

I can see why the mob- some are getting their knickers in a twist about his possible motives, but I'm more concerned about Perry - on another thread they've claimed to be facebooking an old fiance and now they're inviting you to DM them anytime?

Eurostar · 29/08/2011 00:31

Maybe get this thread moved from AIBU to health Mitch? Might keep those who engage type before brain off it because it doesn't sound like you need that right now.

Wish you the best for getting a safe outcome.

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:32

thanks, it all definitely feels much straighter in my mind

just want to add wasn't a psych ward (although was transferred to one from there, if that's relevant, which he knew about) but I wasn't desperately unwell, only a bit

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 00:37

What is the issue here Mitch? Do you not trust him, or do you not trust yourself to make a correct judgement about him/his motives?

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:37

I'm so slow

the people who say it is Very Bad are all doctors or nurses actually, all five of them so not a massive sample

we had conversations, I liked him a lot, he's French and I have a problem in the Gallic Horn area - that IS a defence

OP posts:

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:39

I don't trust myself. I am absolutely rubbish at this sort of thing.

OP posts:

iamabadger · 29/08/2011 00:42

Surely the doctors and nurses are the right people to listen to? Non-medics might think it's romantic but it is not acceptable, he is breaking all the rules about maintaining boundaries. Wish you'd tell us what he actually does though, you haven't really answered that yet.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 00:45

Before anyone can bring into play the fine print of the legal/ethical/moral medic/client relationship, a timelime is necessary.

Did he/you enjoy chatting about everything/anything when you were an inpatient? Did you tell him you were on facebook or similar in the hope that he would contact you?

If he's contacted you after you've been transferred to another HA, could it be that he genuinely wanted to see you again but felt that he'd be overstepping the mark if he contacted you while you remained under the care of the HA he works for?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/08/2011 00:50

He overstepped the mark when he used her confidential medical records to contact her.

Original poster

MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 00:55

badger I don't know for sure what exactly his job is - if I had a gun to my head I could probably guess accurately

I loved talking to him, well I loved him talking to me. He asked if I was on facebook (I'm not) and for my email address which I duly supplied. He hasn't emailed, unless it went in spam, I never look in there. He called while I was actively en route to the other hospital, so after I'd been discharged.

OP posts:

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 00:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

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