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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
TinyPawz · 28/08/2011 23:38

*paraphrasing

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:39

Jesus, so he knows all your medical history, knows you have mental health issues and rings you. The fucking bastard ought to be shot seriously, he is praying on the vulnerable. Please please tell him to go fuck and change your number. Before you know it the bastard be knocking on your door or sending letters, what a shit.

emsyj · 28/08/2011 23:40

You refer to this thread being a way to seek permission to say no. This is exactly why it is wrong for health care profs to seek personal involvement with patients. You're vulnerable. You're not meeting on an even playing field. He has taken advantage of his position.

Please report him. This is very very worrying and wrong.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:41

he's not a handsome doctor type! Have only ever met one in entire life ( though suppose am mainly thinking of psychiatry which probably doesn't attract attractive people) they are so rare they are practically mythical beasts

OP posts:
bittentothequick · 28/08/2011 23:41

Hmm. No, I don't approve of him. I don't think you should meet him. Even if he was the man who brought you your dinners on the ward and therefore isn't breaking any professional codes, getting your number like that is a bit creepy.

Eurostar · 28/08/2011 23:42

I'm wondering where he is in the heirarchy because he has so much to lose by having done this.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:43

You are worth so much more than a creepy fella who takes your number from a medical file. If he was decent, honest he would have asked you for your number not slyly took it. He doesn't even know if you have a partner, yet he persisted in calling you even when you did not answer.

TinyPawz · 28/08/2011 23:43

oh okay then...I was imagining a younger Derek Shepard

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:45

This is really disturbing me now. You were vunerable and he knows this, I think he is playing on this fact and he sounds like a down right fruit cake. If I had the bastards name i'd report him myself.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:46

Bimbo you and me both!

IfYouSeeACrocodile · 28/08/2011 23:46

Sorry Mitchie I didn't mean you can't get MN opinion, of course you can - have taken drink and was trying to say that from where I sit, it sounds as though you need to work on being able to say no when you feel uncomfortable with a situation, and maybe you could seek help with learning to do this. It is not a practical long term solution to post on a forum every time you are at potential risk.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 23:46

5. You must not pursue a sexual relationship with a former patient, where at the time of the professional relationship the patient was vulnerable, for example because of mental health problems, or because of their lack of maturity.

From the GMC Maintaining Boundaries document.

bittentothequick · 28/08/2011 23:46

Really you ought to report him, he does sound rather dodgy. Maybe you could talk to PALS to see what they say?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 28/08/2011 23:46

Shit. Just read the later posts. What SGB said. I would report him.

BeerTricksPotter · 28/08/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 28/08/2011 23:50

You have permission to say 'no'. From yourself as well as from MN. And you have permission to call and report him. He is seriously dodgy. This is not the behaviour of someone who can be trusted around vulnerable people - this is someone abusing their position of trust to prey on someone with MH problems. Bet you anything this isn't the first time he's tried it.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 23:50

I don't post every time. I'd hardly have time to do anything else if that was the case.

Am probably not going to magically morph into someone with a backbone, it's not an issue with most people anyway. I thought I had reported it when I told my cpn but maybe not, will talk to her about it again next week.

OP posts:
edam · 28/08/2011 23:54

Do NOT even start to think about blaming yourself here. Ditch all this backbone rubbish. This man has broken the rules and attempted to take advantage of you - HE is in the wrong, not you. Do NOT feel guilty or blame yourself in any way.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/08/2011 23:54

My friend has the most gorgeous consultant psychiatrist, but he may be the only one in the UK... This guy is dodgy, sorry OP.

edam · 28/08/2011 23:55

That sounds rather stern, doesn't it? Only I do mean it - don't start taking responsibility for his actions in any way, shape or form.

PerryCombover · 28/08/2011 23:57

You are a vulnerable adult

inform someone about his behaviour....the next person he approaches or the person before you may not have had mumsnet to sound it out with

Flowerista · 28/08/2011 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 23:59

Flowerista the OP is a known poster, they are not a newbie who has only just posted.

I find your post offensive, if you have nothing constructive to add don't post.

TheSecondComing · 28/08/2011 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flowerista · 29/08/2011 00:02

Flabby get off your horse and realise when you're being conned!

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