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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this wedding invitation?

235 replies

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:07

One of DH's very good friends is getting married at the weekend; we have been invited to the evening reception, and were told that the ceremony was just for family only, which was fine.

Except today DH has discovered that everyone else from his group of mates and their wives have been invited to the whole thing. Some of these blokes were introduced to the groom by DH. DH has been friends with the groom for years and IMO been a good mate to him.

We're both really annoyed and are not going to go to the evening reception now. I know it's up to the couple who they invite etc, but to invite everyone bar one from a group of friends is downright nasty IMO. We got sent a gift list with our invite so I think we were just invited to bump up numbers and to buy a gift!

OP posts:
Georgimama · 08/08/2011 18:09

Being annoyed is one thing but deciding not to go at all just because other friends have been invited to the whole day is childish.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/08/2011 18:09

It is hurtful. I wouldn't go either.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/08/2011 18:09

How bizarre and yes rather mean if everyone else is going.

grumpypants · 08/08/2011 18:11

Is it an active group of mates tho? As in, you all meet up together rather than separately? Because maybe they see these people individually a lot more than they see you, hence the invites?

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:11

It's not just "other friends" Georgimama, it's every other friend from their group of friends, except from DH.

I don't think it's childish that we've decided not to go, I think it's more a case of upholding our self esteem and showing we won't be treated like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:12

Yes Grumpy, it's an active group of mates

OP posts:
Sheepling · 08/08/2011 18:13

If DP is a close friend of the couple, could he not just ask why everyone else has been invited?

Would not be impressed by the gift list in a evening invite - but I guess most evening guests buy a gift anyway and its better to get something they actually want than waste your money on something they may not like.

Georgimama · 08/08/2011 18:13

Sigh.

Could people please stop posting in AIBU if what they want is not to know what people think, but actually unalloyed endorsement of their thoughts and actions?

Pandemoniaa · 08/08/2011 18:13

It's very silly and childish to have a flounce about this. Because while these friends may have known the groom for less time than your DH, this does not mean that their friendship is of a lesser value. The world doesn't work like that.

Perhaps it is better than you don't attend the wedding though (but do make sure you have the decency to cancel as soon as possible) because actually, nobody likes to see a pair of Cat's Bottom Impersonators on what should be a happy day. So if you can't go along with a good grace, for heavens sake don't go along at all.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/08/2011 18:13

There must be something else to it - does the bride to be have a problem with either of you?

Personally I would speak to the groom about it - and find out why you weren't invited. Of course they don't have to invite you but best to clear the air.

TheMitfordsMaid · 08/08/2011 18:15

Well, I wouldn't go but then I rarely accept invitations to evening receptions unless I'm invited during the day too.

banana87 · 08/08/2011 18:15

The same thing happened to me a few months back. The bride didn't even invite me to the hen. I didn't go to the evening reception, buy a card, or a gift. Blew their "boosting numbers" idea up! Childish, maybe, but I was too pissed off at the time to care.

youarekidding · 08/08/2011 18:16

Could it have been a mistake?

Anyhoo I thought church weddings were public church services - as in anyone can attend? Private services elsewhere obviously you can't gatecrash. Wink

evenlessnarkypuffin · 08/08/2011 18:16

Is it a childfree wedding thing? Do you have children and the others don't?

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:16

Georgimama, was the "people" bit aimed at me? I think you'll find that this is a public forum and "people" can post what they like on here without having to run it past you first.

OP posts:
Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:17

banana87, I don't blame you for not attending, I wouldn't have done either.

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 08/08/2011 18:17

I don't think you should raise it with the groom. It's their decision and I think it's rude to question it.

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:17

evenlessnarkypuffin, no, it's not childfree, and yes, the others all have children too

OP posts:
Georgimama · 08/08/2011 18:18

You can post whatever you like, as can I. But you have to be prepared for the fact some people will think YABU if you post in AIBU. You seem to be having some difficulty dealing with that.

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:19

ZillionChocolate, we wouldn't dream of raising it with the groom, especially not just before the wedding day.

At least we know where we stand with them anyway; DH has done a lot to help the groom out in recent years and been a good friend to him.

OP posts:
Bandwithering · 08/08/2011 18:19

I wouldn't go tbh.
Say you're busy. NO explanation. NO present either Grin
But then when groom back at work after honeymoon, act totally normal.
not inviting just you is a bit of an insult, and not going is a bit of an insult so you can wipe the slate clean !

lisianthus · 08/08/2011 18:19

If they have singled you out from their group of friends as being the B-listers, then, yes, that's pretty rude and it does sound as if they are inviting you just for the gifts.

If they didn't know they were behaving badly, they wouldn't have lied about it and said that the ceremony was just for family, would they? So lying to you plus singling you out in this way would be rude enough to put me off going too.

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:20

Georgimama, where have I had difficulty in dealing with people thinking IABU?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2011 18:20

I would be pissed off too if I were the only one excluded, and I also wouldnt go. It has happened to us before, and we did go, and when you get there, all the rest of your friends are half pissed, and telling you what a great day they have had, its a bit deflating actually.

NLurkerispackingforholiday · 08/08/2011 18:20

Well that is odd - and it sounds like they purposefully didn't tell your dh the truth either about the ceremony. I would re-evaluate your friendship tbh.