to be annoyed about this wedding invitation?

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

One of DH's very good friends is getting married at the weekend; we have been invited to the evening reception, and were told that the ceremony was just for family only, which was fine.

Except today DH has discovered that everyone else from his group of mates and their wives have been invited to the whole thing. Some of these blokes were introduced to the groom by DH. DH has been friends with the groom for years and IMO been a good mate to him.

We're both really annoyed and are not going to go to the evening reception now. I know it's up to the couple who they invite etc, but to invite everyone bar one from a group of friends is downright nasty IMO. We got sent a gift list with our invite so I think we were just invited to bump up numbers and to buy a gift!

I personally wouldn't have the balls to ask if it was a mistake that I hadn't been invited to something. I doubt it's a mistake in this circumstance and you would just look desperate like you were trying to shame them into inviting you.

The OP is entirely right not to go, and quite obviously so. The B&G are either staggeringly rude or monumentally stupid, either way, the OP shouldn't go to a wedding where she can't really celebrate the couple's happiness. I don't blame her, and I wouldn't go either.

I went to a wedding two years ago which was full of bad etiquette like this. I was invited to the whole day, so I didn't know about this until it was happening, but some people were expected to attend the ceremony in the Church then amuse them for several hours until the first tier guests had had their dinner and listened to the speeches. This involved couples being expected to split for the afternoon, with some being invited to the whole day, and some just for the evening disco. This was a "no presents, only money" couple, btw. It was also the hottest day of the year, and we all had to stand around outside for the better part of three hours while photos were taken on the hottest day of the year. People were fainting and there was nothing in the way of refreshments. This is not a couple I like to spend time around! They spent £25,000 on the ceremony yet somehow managed to make it etiquette-free!

OP, just in case you come back here, I have an alternative.

DP and I were invited to the evening part of a friend of his' wedding - like you, we were the only ones from a group of friends not invited to the ceremony and dinner; we were told it was family only at that part; we found out subsequently that it was not (similarly, there was surprise expressed by DP's mates that we weren't invited to the whole do); it is a group of men who are friendly and we 'wives' don't socialise separately - only really see each other at weddings and significant birthdays.

However, I knew why we had not been invited as the bride has made it clear to several of the other 'wives' that she hates me. So I said that I would not go at all as who really wants someone they can't stand at their wedding? As if by magic, DP then was able to attend the whole thing, bride didn't have to fake being polite to me and a good time was had by all. It's made me look like a right stuck up cow to everyone else, but I didn't want to piss her off on her wedding, nor did I want DP to suffer the ignominy of being the only one from the group rocking up to the evening do when everyone else was lathered.

So maybe you can find out if the issue is 'you', hurtful as that may be and see if your DH can attend the whole thing on his own if he wants to. Though it sounds as though you've decided what to do!

Oh my goodness sistercarrie-how awful. Id be fuming if my DH went to celebrate with someone who 'hated' me! You're a better person than I am (or understand why the bride would feel that way!!)

I have no problem with inviting people to the whole do or just the evening event. However, i have never heard of inviting people to travel quite a distance (say at expense and have to sleep over at a hotel or something) and attend the church service or civil ceremony and then bugger off for a few hours until you are ready for them in the evening - is this new? Surely if someone is traveling some distance you invite them to the whole day - no problem with inviting folk who live local to just the evening do.

I don't blame you for being upset and definitely would not go - if they can shun you in that way, you can do the same - hurts though. Sod them.

How can it be a mistake though when B&G lied and gave the 'family only' excuse?

Anyway, even if it was a mistake OP & her DH can't ask why they are not invite to the whole thing.....that in itself would be out of the question from an etiquette point of view as well. It would seem so pushy and besides why give the rude pair the satisfaction.

I have read the op but not other posts.

I had a similar upsetting situation I had a call from an uni friend(male), who i was very good friend with at uni and in the few years after asking me to his wedding and for my address. I assumed he meant the full day, the invite arrive which i read to be the ful day. I replied and recieve a message from the bride informing me i was invited to the church and eveing BUT not the reception. I was suprised as i am not thinck and was sure it was a ull day invitation.

Anyway we still intended to go but it was the wek b4 xmas in the v bad snow. My dad was v ill at the time (our only babysitter) andmy dh 'forbid me' to travel at night in the weather condtions alone. (he would have to stay 4 kids). Plus i so proccupied with how ill my was i did not send them a card.

I rang to apoligise to friend and new wife but got answer,left not he rd from him since. I feel too bad about situtaton to call hi

I personally would send a with regret. I wouldnt enjoy the evening, when everyone else has been merrilly drinking and celebrating away all day.