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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this wedding invitation?

235 replies

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:07

One of DH's very good friends is getting married at the weekend; we have been invited to the evening reception, and were told that the ceremony was just for family only, which was fine.

Except today DH has discovered that everyone else from his group of mates and their wives have been invited to the whole thing. Some of these blokes were introduced to the groom by DH. DH has been friends with the groom for years and IMO been a good mate to him.

We're both really annoyed and are not going to go to the evening reception now. I know it's up to the couple who they invite etc, but to invite everyone bar one from a group of friends is downright nasty IMO. We got sent a gift list with our invite so I think we were just invited to bump up numbers and to buy a gift!

OP posts:
lisianthus · 08/08/2011 18:20

And what Bandwithering said.

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 08/08/2011 18:22

Why do you think you haven't been invited?

Seems very odd - something must be up?

Bandwithering · 08/08/2011 18:23

i don't think it's "petty and childish" not to go.

occasionally you have these wake up and smell the coffee moments where you realise that somebody else doesn't consider you the friend you considered them, and you've got to take that on board or you won't have a clear path for letting other friends in.

This kind of thing has happened to me in the past, and usually it is some social event which brings about the startling revelation! and it is particularly hard to be processing that unwelcome fact when all your friends WERE invited to the full day, or to a party you weren't invited to, and on top of feeling hurt you have an audience to act like you're not bothered/curious for.

Georgimama · 08/08/2011 18:23

By jumping straight on my post, the only one up to that point that said you were out of order?

I'm not actually interested in a bun fight, on refection I think it probably is best you don't go to the wedding tbh if whether you are an A list or B list guest matters so much to you that you are prepared to throw your toys out of the pram about it.

youarekidding · 08/08/2011 18:24

Are the other children older? Better at sitting still than yours?

Has there been an argument between your children and other couples?

There is some reason and if you are as good a friends as you make out then you should be able to discuss this as adults. Personally I would wait until after the wedding.

I'm also surprised that if you are that good a friends you would be happy to miss the reception - I would never miss a friends reception even if I felt 'entitled' to attend the actual wedding as well. A card is satisfactory it is not a requirement to buy a gift.

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:24

I don't really have a lot to do with them, JustFive, as it tends to be just the men who meet up rather than the wives too, but DH is just drawing a blank about why it's happened, he genuinely hasn't a clue. DH is a very laid-back bloke, nothing normally bothers him but this has.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 08/08/2011 18:26
  • AIBU?
  • Yes
  • No, I know i'm right!
Grin
Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:26

Georgimama, I haven't thrown my toys out of my pram at all. This is my final reply to you now, as I think you are looking for an argument and to just have a go at someone. Others have disagreed with me but have said so far more eloquently and constructively than you.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 08/08/2011 18:26

Also what bandwithering said. Maybe you are good friends with the but they don't see it that way?

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:27

Lacuitar, just because a variety of viewpoints are given on here it doesn't mean that OPs have to change their opinion.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 08/08/2011 18:27

tbh, I would want to know why. It appears to be a snub and I would want to get it sorted. I can't stand people who can't just say what their problem is! I would have to ask if there was a problem I was not aware of.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 08/08/2011 18:28

That is rather hurtful. To be told that the ceremony is family only and then find out the rest of your group of friends are invited to the whole thing. Obviously weddings will usually have a cut off somewhere, for venue capacity and financial reasons, but for it to be only your DH and you left out seems unkind. Of course they have the right to invite who they want to but you also have the right to be upset about it.

What you decide to do about it is up to you.

janelikesjam · 08/08/2011 18:28

If it were me, I would go, but only for a short while (hour: tops) to wish them well, then slink away, buy the cheapest present possible if at all (would they notice?) and go out and have a really nice evening with my husband (er, if I had one...) and forget about them.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 08/08/2011 18:28

I wouldn't go either.

The insult was calculated - if you hadn't found out in advance, you would have shown up to the evening part of a "family only" party to discover that you were the only ones out of your group of friends left out of the full day.

I'd be done with these people now. It's clear they don't value your friendship.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/08/2011 18:29

Perhaps all the other wives are good friends - hence them being invited.

But the groom was a bit stupid to lie about who was going to the ceremony - I mean surely he realised you'd soon guess what was happening when you arrived and everyone else had been there all day.

nykxx · 08/08/2011 18:29

see thats what i liked about my wedding, no max numbers, all welcome. in fact i had about 10,000 people at my wedding!!!

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:29

Bathykolpian, I agree, I'd rather people said if they have a problem than do things like that.

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 08/08/2011 18:30

I do get why you are hurt too - its the same as when one child is excluded from a class invite party - its just mean.

EdithWeston · 08/08/2011 18:31

It is the hosts' choice who to invite.

They don't want you. That's bound to hurt, so YANBU to be annoyed.

You need to choose before the weekend what you are going to do. You could have a diplomatic illness - but unless you want to wreck DH's friendships with the whole group, long term, you will have to keep your real reason secret. Or you can put a brave face on (and I mean brave face, no lapses, asides or whatever), go and make the best of it.

I'd go for the second of those options.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 08/08/2011 18:31

We once misunderstood our invitation and after the church ceremony had to be told we weren't invited to the afternoon 'do' - but to come back in the evening! Blush This was at the wedding of one of DH's mates too. We wiled away the afternoon in the pub. I'm still glad we went back for the evening 'do' though, to celebrate with them - they were good friends after all - from school days in DH's case.

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 08/08/2011 18:32

MrsCampbell, that's exactly what my thoughts were too. I understand about wedding budgets and limited numbers etc but the way it's been done just seems a bit sneaky and nasty. I'm the kind of person that couldn't be cruel to someone like that and just leave them out, I am that mother who has the whole class to a party so no one feels excluded

OP posts:
Groovee · 08/08/2011 18:34

I think it is nasty to exclude one set of friends and for that reason make excuses and don't go.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 08/08/2011 18:35

It is mean. I would find it difficult to go to the evening do and keep a pleasant smile on my face after that.

You're sure you didn't run over the bride's cat/ dog/ mother?

SheCutOffTheirTails · 08/08/2011 18:35

Good friends don't invite you to a full day event and then expect you to fuck off when there is food to be eaten. Not a chance in a million I'd waste an entire day in the pub to go back to a wedding I wasn't good enough to be fed at.

I've enough friends not to have to put up with rudeness like that.

Ealingkate · 08/08/2011 18:36

Do the male friends or best man have any idea of a reason for the snub?

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