Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

He had a counselling session on his own later this week so he wants to see how that goes and if he feels this will be permanent separation. I'm not sure what I want tbh. He's coming to visit the children later for an hour as my youngest is very confused about it all.

joy it sounds like he wants it all his way, messaging this woman saying he does not love you, as he has moved out I would be inclined (if it were me) to think right this is my new life, me and my lovely DC. Build up your strength and resilience he does not deserve you, work in getting strong and telling him no more. Do you think this is it? What would you like to happen now?

I hate that horrible sick feeling when something awful has happened, be kind to yourself this is not your fault.

I just want everything back to normal I don't feel strong at all and the sadness is just coming in waves

It is too soon really joy it just sounds like he is not treating you very nicely. I don't know how I would feel in your situation. Keep posting here so we can help. You are not on your own. How are the DC?

Exhausted. I'm drinking elderflower presse with my eldest watching friends. I just feel so sad and confused right now

@joysmoy how did you sleep? What a stupid question. It's great you didnt cave. What an awful sad situation. Your poor children too. I'm not getting on with my DH but I couldn't imagine him leaving his kids for even 1 day. I know you feel absolutely dreadful but you do have them to keep you strong, he is the loser you sound super strong anyway, I know you dont feel it. I hope you have a session planned for yourself too, isn't he a bloody ticket organising a session for himself to see what he wants.

Day 64 here. 2 days to my target and then need a new one.

Disaster yesterday, 7 year old had a bark, chest and blocked nose, DH has sinus etc, he rang doc for both. He made 7 year old go for C19 test ahhh. I was told 48 hours before we could get an apt but got a text and had it done at 7.30 last night. I heard the 1 tester saying 'our 7.30 is early, he is a 7 year old'. The other tester 'what only 7??' (In Ireland so kids being tested is a bit rare) I made a point of saying a million times it was not my idea lol. Anyway results back tomorrow. He didnt even know what they were sticking things up his nose for, which is grand. Off school till we find out. Not worried but its giving me a very uneasy feeling.

Hows everyone?

Thanks guys I managed to get a few hours sleep last night but still feeling exhausted. You are all doing amazingly and thank you so much for the support

I'm glad you got some sleep. In sure every moment is a dread

Well done for not drink @joysmoy, it would have been SO easy to use alcohol to get through this. You’re stronger than you think.

I agree he should not have all this his own way. So he’s treated you like crap and now he wants a counselling session to decide if the split is permanent!!! You couldn’t make it up, cheeky fucker. It’s at least as much YOUR right to decide what you want. It’s good that he’s gone for now, give you some breathing space. I know you feel wretched right now but I absolutely promise you won’t feel like this forever. You’ll come through this one way or another, stronger and more magnificent than ever and if he’s not by your side then he’s a fucking idiot

Oh god @OrchidJewel my son suddenly developed a sniffly nose last night and then came in this morning saying he’d done a cough. I asked how many, he said one! I got up with him and in two hours he didn’t cough once so i dropped him at breakfast club and am now at work feeling wretched like I’ve done the wrong thing.

I think it’s just a cold. I can’t keep him off all bloody winter for a cold but then I’m worrying. ARGHHHHHH FUCK OFF CORONAVIRUS

@writingsonthewall I would have done exactly the same for sniffles. We had a bark lol, its bloody gone now so I'm raging we rang doc as I thought his chest was rsttly

How did he cope with the test?

Thank you writings. I'm feeling a little stronger but sure I will be very up and down for a while yet

It was nice but hard when he left again. He wants to come to talk to me on Friday

Hang in there mate. We're all with you. Here if you want to talk (type).

His counselling is thurs. yes it does seem a bit like he's the victim here. I don't know what he wants to discuss. Whether it's that he wants to try again (which would require major changes on his part) or he wants to separate permanently I suppose.

@joysmoy so he is coming on Friday after his counselling session? It seems to be very much on his terms. When he arrives can you say I'm leaving you with your children that you have to be somewhere. And he can take the brunt. He can do his 'talk' when you get back. It's just all so hurtful.

Day 66, I'm ordering my vichy whatnot today (and I'll get 2 more for my sisters xmas pressie) my I'm no longer drinking and I have loads more money money.

It wasnt a pleasant thing to have 2 buds stuck right up your nose, he seemed just taken aback and did a massive snotty sneeze but he was just focusing on the packet of fruit particles. Unfortunately son no 1 (with SN) was sent home from school yesterday, the Nurse said he ha a persistent cough (news to me, he had no cough going on or before) I got a fright, when I got there she said 'well he was clearing his throat' he does have a very runny nose, that comes with his special needs and I would have had no problems if she said take him because of that but it was a very big lie. They wont let him back to school till he is tested. My DH is taking him at 3.30 today, I did get upset as he cant even have his hair brushed so this will really really upset him. Anyway big girls pants on. DH is getting tested too (but he has been DYING to get tested since Jan when it wasnt even here) at one stage through lockdown he thought he had symptoms (hypochondriac) and wanted to self isolate in the attic for 2 weeks with me leaving his meals and drinks at the door. I never laughed so hard in my life. Look this time next week I'll have 2 negative tests to waggle in front of peoples noses and off the trot back to school. 7 year old gets result today so back to school tomorrow.

My new aim now is 100 days

Well done on day 66! Oh I'm sorry about the schools/testing it's a nightmare isn't it? I've asked him to come during the day while kids at school to talk as I don't want them to hear anything and I want to know what he's got to say tbh. His counselling is on thurs and he's coming round Friday afternoon.