Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

Getting bookings won’t be a problem. There’s huge demand.

Oh that's hard. If he wouldn't have been a gp it would have been easy; he would stay home. Will his patients be seen to? What does he say? I really don't have a clear cut response to this - can't anyone else have her?

Is it so hard to believe?

Those who parent without a village (especially grandparent babysitting) are living a different reality to other parents.

ETA: You should 💯 be the one going to work OP

I’m a copywriter.

That sounds like the two weeks of Covid I’ve just had. He doesn’t want to give it to 30 vulnerable people.

You go to work. He stays home. It’s a brand new job so it trumps anything else!

Going forward split it 50/50. I’m a part time primary teacher and husband is a surgeon. 3 kids. If there’s a couple of days the kids are sick we do one day each. I let him pick the one that’s least disruptive clinic/ theatre/ staffing wise. Normally is just one day out of a 50-60 hour week for him, then the kids are better by my next working days. So proportionally not a huge amount of the hours he does in a month as full time doctors do lots!

Your DH is lucky that he hasn’t had to have this as an issue before.

Set the standard early on that you split this stuff. Regardless of earnings/ ‘importance’. It’s just not fair to put it all on you.

No, there isn’t anybody else, unfortunately.
I’m not sure whether patients will still get seen but that’s not his problem?

Do you honestly not have a single person in your support network who could help?

It’s not about who has the most important job.

In this specific instance, OP cannot call in absent on the second day of her new job. It will damage her relationship with her new company and look really bad.

We used an emergency nanny for this - like you we had no grandparents or other family who could help. If that isn’t practical, you get to go to work.

Yes it is hard to believe, sometimes I think people don’t have the guts to put themselves out there and ask for favours from others.

It's not his problem . And it isn't yours.
It's the practice managers.

It’s wild seeing how many posters simply can’t fathom what it’s like to parent without a village! 😅

As I say, they’re living in an entirely different parenting universe.

You go to work.

He needs to accept that until
your probation is over, he will be the home staying home. Or finding some kind of paid childcare. You have allowed him to focus on his career uninterrupted for 3 years. It’s his turn to step up.

You go to work. You have a 3 year old and he's never had to take a day off to look after her before. That's exceptional. He's a GP - he's not god. It's indefensible for him to put pressure on you to stay off on your second day in your new job. Very entitled.

Of course it’s his problem! He chose to be a doctor and along with that comes some responsibility.

It will look really bad on you if you don’t turn up tomorrow.

No, they aren't his patients. He's a locum. Even if they were, most have minor issues that aren't time critical. He's a GP, not god.

I'm in the same position, or recently was. Husband stayed home wasn't really a question between us. And in future we will just alternate as we used to - with some flexibility depending on who has something urgent at work to deal with. Your husband is being ridiculous.

I think DP as opposed to DH swings it for me - I was 50:50. As a SAHM for 3 years with no marriage security, you are in a financially precarious position. DP has it all, with no commitment and no risk to his financial security should your relationship fail (as 40%+ of relationships do), See if the surgery can offer any support, but I would go to work 100% and leave the childcare to dad.

You go to work but you do also need a plan for sick days that isn't you WFH while looking after a sick child. Kids get ill, and for more than 1 day in a row (48 hours off school/nursery for vomiting/diarrhea...)

There should be some sort of contingency plans for cover at the surgery, surely?

Yeah, but he’s not sick.

You need to go to work to avoid jeopardising this new job.

Your DH is a GP so is the best person to stay at home to look after his ill child. His surgery can call in another locum for the day.

Losing £500 in pay is a lot less than you losing the salary from your new job, and being a self-employed locum GP, he won't lose work long-term whereas you risk losing what could be a great job.

as you’ve acknowledged, it was silly of you both to not have already discussed this.

no, it isn’t a good look on your second day.

but ultimately, your job is not life or death. your husband’s job could be the difference between someone’s life or death. Literally.

my plan therefore would be:

-you stay home tomorrow. you apologise to work and take it on the chin. You have a child - it cannot be helped
-he plans for taking weds/thurs off, giving the surgery enough notice to cover his patients or rearrange etc
-you kick ass at work weds/thurs
-you both make a plan for Friday on Wednesday night depending on how your DC is

Ps. Congrats on your new job x