Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

Exactly this. She just got a new job and he's clearly acting as if it is of no importance compared to him. what if she wants to leave him at some point? What if she just wants her own money? What if he suddenly passes away or leaves her? She'd find herself alone with a child and no job cos it was always her to take care of THEIR daughter and sacrifice her career and personal finances to do so. Having a child means 50/50 unless otherwise agreed.

@NotSureICanDoIt You wrote
“DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.” … I do find it somewhat bizarre that both of you haven’t had this discussion before you went back to work and decided how you would both manage your child’s sickness!!! Reflecting my own household set up , I would say being self employed or a locum means worse consequences of taking time off then where someone is employed …but you both need to work out whose career/ earnings take priority, it’s not often that both parents have equitable access to carers leave without compromising income or career prospects . One parent often needs to take the hit.

She has , she’s a copy writer. It’s irrelevant if she misses her second day they could just let her go.

God I wish I had the life that enabled me to think like this. No shade you are so lucky

You! For sure. How can’t he see that?

In a similar situation donkeys years ago I had to miss my very first day in a new job (dh wasn't in the country so I guess a bit different to you). My career didn't suffer.

I think more people are relying on your dh than they are on you so I'd take the hit and take the day with your daughter.

Partner and father of her child then, it makes no difference to what we are talking about.

Do you give a shit about 30 people who almost certainly won't get to see a doctor who they feel they need to see tomorrow if he doesn't turn up for work?

His future contracts depend on being reliable on turning up for his current contract. He has been financing the family until now and I doubt they can manage without his salary.

They have jointly been stupid not planning for this and even worse their future plan is that she will "work" from home while looking after a sick child.

He should go to work tomorrow.

Absolutely you should. That will look soooooo bad if you don’t go in and they will probably use it against you as your drill in your probation period. Your husband needs to get his priorities right and parent his sick child.

Chances of getting a locum for tomorrow are thin. Also he's the locum so he would need to contact the practice manager tomorrow morning. When my mum was dying I really struggled to get locums so I could go and see her. It was so difficult there were just no locums around. But the practice will have to manage. These things happen.

You can bet that poster wouldn’t have left her kids with a random local teenager if she could even find one with 12 hours notice. Some of these suggestions are ludicrous.

Can he do telephone appointments?

he also chose to be a parent and husband.

DH is a consultant and recently had to leave a clinic full of patients to collect vomiting DS, because I was in an important meeting. He'd had a 10 year run of no interruptions at work until then, so I did not feel guilty.

Your DH needs to take one for the team tomorrow. Calling on sick on day 2 of a new job would be mortifying and potentially reputation-damaging.

Agree with PP that you need a better plan than "I can be flexible in the future" because kids are rarely fucking well at this time of year ime!

I don't think people can assume that all employers would consider taking a day off to look after a sick child as a problem.
OP's already said they would be quite happy for her to work flexibly to accommodate a sick child at home when she's in a position to work without support. That doesn't sound like a draconian employer. I'm not saying it's the case for OP, but virtually no one on the thread has considered that taking day 2 of employment off might be other than an unmitigated disaster.

And who knows how long DD will be ill? And then it's not just a question of DH's absence being accepted or not, but how many days the family can survive without his wages.

(And in answer to your question, no my friend wasn't a single parent, and her husband also had the time off so they could cover being with a child in hospital and also looking after their other child).

Given you both have decent jobs OP I'd highly recommend looking for a nanny. There's no stress if children are unwell, and they're not getting the high exposure to viral infections like they would in nursery. That way, you can both go to work if your DC is unwell.

It doesn't matter that he's a GP. First and foremost he's a working parent.

You.
But you need a plan because this happen again and again.

Your DH can say he might have what DD has, he really doesn’t want to give all his patients that

Oh please 😅

He needs to stay home.
You will likely loose your job if you call in sick.

Jesus Christ, only on this website do people prioritise one person's job above 30 sick people. "Me me me most important, me come first."

If OP's job gets rid of her for taking time off to look after a child, then that's not a job that she wants to have anyway.

ime it looks better saying you (or dh) are ill not that you’re off due to child being poorly. annoying that this is the case but that’s what i found.
as others have said have you thought about what to do the rest of the week incase your little one is poorly for a few days?

emergency childcare website should be able to sort you a nanny for the day. expensive but it would help.

Maybe you live in a village? Or have lived in the same area for years? We live in London. No one knows anyone around here. People move in and out of the building all the time. We've been here 6 months and have new neighbours already. We are also not from here. Partner is from England but his parents are completely uninterested in their grandchildren. I'm an immigrant. Most of my colleagues at work have absolutely no one they could call on either. Everyone is from somewhere else.

At nursery, everyone drops off their babies and runs for the tube. No one is hanging around and chatting, no one. There is no opportunity to start a conversation. So you can't even make friends with other parents.

You need another plan. It is your second day and you should go; but he is also a GP so I understand why he needs to go too.

How id this going to work with 3 children? And no additional childcare until you are able to work from home?