Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

Exactly! If the contract is to basically give the house a once over then this should be able to be done without clearing up mess. Especially taking pride in your job, you want the result to look sparkling, not clean amidst piles of stuff!

I always tidy before the cleaner comes so she can actually clean? Surely if you want her to tidy AND clean your whole house you need to pay her longer? I don’t think it’s a cleaner’s job to tidy though

That’s why we have them, to help with the load of family life! I would have thought she knew how it can be in a busy family with small children

I think there is cleaning and a deep cleaning and they have different prices. Thats maybe what she was getting at. She may have a price for an hour, but if the place is chaotic and she spent lots of time putting things away that it may take more time and cost more.

I’d say if you’ve never had a cleaner you can’t really say that! Every cleaner I’ve had has cleaned my houses fairly thoroughly in 2-3 hours, and I haven’t done much else outside that.

My cleaners clean my whole 4 bed 2 bath (1 with a walk in shower so huge screen) house,
change either our king size bedding or 3 kids bedding, hoover throughout including 2 flights of stairs, clean and mop the kitchen and tidy along the way where necessary to do their job in 3 hours.
it makes a huge difference…because I don’t have 3 hours to spend cleaning the house from top to bottom. And they clean the entire house top to bottom for me.

Clean and tidy are different things

I guess it depends? Her job is cleaning, not sorting out your mess. As in, washing the floor, washing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming. What do you see as "messy"? Toys everywhere, clothes, things all over the place, not a clear surface in sight?... That would be very difficult to clean and yes, its another level of work. "Factory reset" sounds like she has to do a lot of work.

It massively depends what are you paying her for. If tidying up is part of her job - she has no right to complain. If she is there to do normal cleaning - you need to pay her more.

Hi Op, agree about tidy first BUT I have had judgement from cleaners before and so have lots of people I know. Cleaners from certain countries I have found to be very direct in their speech. In opposition to lots of posters I would never lose a good cleaner over it- I apologise, tidy it better, suck it up because a good cleaner is hard to find!!

Don’t be ashamed. You possibly just need a different cleaner. She sounds like a very thorough cleaner who likes things to be spotless. If you like that then you need to up your game and tidy for her. Or find a cleaner who might not make things spotless but works hard and is happy to do what is needed, tidying or whatever. My current cleaner is like that but I do find I need to do some of the deep cleaning jobs myself but she keeps us going!! Sounds like as she has reduced her hours with you she doesn’t feel like it’s a good fit either. Good luck!

Joking or commenting that a lived-in family home needs a "hard factory reset" is completely out of line for a cleaner. Working parents juggle enough without feeling judged for normal mess.

She can’t tidy up the house and clean it in two hours- that is ridiculous- you need a housekeeper not a cleaner.

Cleaner here… have ran a cleaning company for over 10 years. I’m sure what she meant was the mess/clutter .. it’s hard to clean around mess and it then adds time onto the job if you have to do lots of tidying up/picking up off the floor to hoover, washing up everywhere. Full dishwasher with last nights dishes still hanging around. We get this in busier homes. I always tell my clients, the more clutter free the house is, the more they will benefit from the clean. She’s clearly trying to do both, tidying and cleaning and that’s a lot in two hours. Don’t take it personally.

We’ve had cleaners from Brazil, Croatia, the Philippines, Sri Lanka, England, Tunisia and probably others I can’t remember, male and female, from student age to their sixties. We’ve never had anyone object to tidying or criticise the state of the house. We’re clear what the deal is when we first hire them.

You're paying your cleaner to clean your home, not to give an appraisal of your home.
In your shoes I'd be looking for another cleaner without the attitude.

Honestly, she’s there to clean! I don’t really get if she said it takes less time, why you should feel guilty that she has too much work to do.

Is she packing in other jobs on that day and maybe doesn’t have the time to come for longer?

Possibly a conversation about what is expected of her and you (like some people said, she’s not there to pick up after you), can straighten it out - but it is your house and if she has a problem with that, then that’s on her.

As you said, you’re busy, that’s the whole point of having a cleaner. You shouldn’t have to stress about todying/cleaning the house before the cleaner comes, as long as you’ve worked out what the actual tasks for her are and/or that she doesn’t have to tidy up/pick up stuff and just clean around it OR she comes for longer and she’s paid for it.