Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

OP please don’t beat yourself up. The issue here is that 2 hours is not enough time for the cleaning support you need. As the cleaner cut the hours not you I would find a cleaner who can do 3 hours or more of you would find more helpful.

It is not realistic for every family to tidy before the cleaner arrives particularly if you commute. What falls within a clean also varies from cleaner to cleaner. I get general tidying, bins emptying and beds made and some dishes washed up by our current cleaner. Previous cleaners liked to do laundry too. The boundary between cleaning and house keeping can be a bit blurred. Make a list of what you need doing and share with future cleaners so you are on the same page.

This is my rules for my cleaners. They are there to clean, not tidy, so I make sure the floor & surfaces are clear so they can clean.

How large is the house? Is she able to clean it fully, ie hoover/sweep, dust/wipe over surfaces, clean bathroom and kitchen on each visit. If she has to go back to basics each time she may feel it never gets clean enough to maintain in two hours weekly, so every visit is a deep clean. Do you expect herto tackle every room each time. Maybe one week bedrooms, another lounge, plus bathroom/kitchen. How often are things like fridge and oven being done?

I do think good cleaners get fed up if they are constantly tidying so can’t achieve a nice finish.

Perhaps your DH missed something in translation?
Ask her what she meant and if she’s judging find a replacement.

Find a new cleaner.

We always tidy before our cleaner comes. A few times I have tried to cancel because it’s to messy and I haven’t had time for one reason or another, and she has brushed it off and told me not to worry. If it’s been messy and she has had to tidy I wouldn’t expect her to clean as much. But our cleaner does 4 hours. You can’t get much done in two in an already messy house.

I think all those saying get a new cleaner have never had a cleaner. Cleaners are paid to clean, not tidy up/pick up your crap. Also, good cleaners are very hard to find. She's probably got a waiting list.

Plenty of people have cleaners who tidy as well as clean. As long as you and the cleaner agree with what you want doing then that’s ok. I’ve had cleaners for years and each one has worked for me for years. The last one worked for me for nearly 20 years and only left because she was retiring. Sometimes my house was a disaster when she came. If that was the case then obviously she spent time tidying rather than cleaning. That was my choice and it was never a problem with her. I wouldn’t like a judgy cleaner.
You should have a chat with your cleaner and see if you can come to an agreement. Maybe you aren’t a good match. Thats no one’s fault.

I always tidy before the cleaner comes. They are there to clean, not tidy

Do you clean in between her visits?

She’s saying it’s too untidy to clean.

Two hours once a week isn't long to clean a house properly. Some people expect their cleaners to perform miracles in a couple of hours, especially if she has to tidy first then I'm not surprised she mentioned it.

Ditch her and get a cleaner who also does housekeeping

It sounds as if your slovenly ways have pissed off your cleaner. If you want her to pick up after you pay her for more hours.
Its not rocket science.

We have a cleaner but she doesn't have to tidy up before she cleans.
Maybe the expectations arent clear between you?

I'd just get your husband (as it's him she addressed it to) to ask her just to get done what she can in the time, if longer is needed you can pay.

We’ve never tidied before our cleaner comes, and that’s across multiple cleaners in different houses in three countries —it’s never been an issue. But we have our current cleaner for four hours weekly.

I think most people (me included) do a quick tidy for the cleaner so that they can clean rather than tidy. I wish I didn’t have to and could be someone that always keeps relatively on top of the mess but that’s just not how it goes in our house sometimes. I like having the deadline to do a weekly tidy! I’d be embarrassed someone else tidying up after me and my kids . I also check the toilets for skid marks

I always tidy before the cleaner comes. They can’t clean if it’s messy. And it if is messy, you’ll get less cleaning done as they won’t have time. If you want her to tidy up, I think you need to agree this with her. I don’t agree with the advice about looking for another cleaner, she is in people’s houses all the time so she knows what is reasonable.

I’m a cleaner and it makes it very difficult to clean when things are left out on worktops and other surfaces. It’s extra hard work for no more pay.

Plus if the house owners don't tidy up they run the risk of cleaner tidying up and not being able to find where things have been tidied to.

It depends what it was like when she arrived. If the bins are bulging, the sink is full of dirty dishes, the dishwasher is full, there are empty cups and glasses in the sitting room, clothes on airers and toys strewn everywhere then, yes, she has a point. She's got an hour's tidying to do, before she even gets to start cleaning. If you're expecting her to tidy too, then she needs extra time. You can't clean a kitchen unless you can get to the surfaces and a water supply, and you can't vacuum a floor if it's strewn with clothes and toys.

Most cleaners want to clean, not tidy up after you. We always make sure dishes are all laid away, surfaces are clear and bins are empty before the cleaner comes. Children's bedrooms are tidied the evening before too, no laundry piles lying around.

I once had a cleaner who demanded a tidy house. For me this defeated the object of getting a cleaner. We are a busy household and tidying is part of the cleaning. Current cleaner is excellent and I’ve never felt judged by her.

Did your husband ask what she means by a ‘hard factory reset’?!
I used to be a self employed mothers help/cleaner, surely the whole point of her being there is to make it cleaner…
I get that most cleaners don’t tidy which is why I was more a mothers help as would sort laundry, tidy toys and prep food etc as well as clean up however you’ve said that she could access floors and surfaces so what actually was the problem?