Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

Oh my God! Wow. She's going to be SO surprised when she finds out the receiver was a mutual friend!! 🙈

People don't realise how easily they can get found out when bitching about work stuff. I know TWO people who got fired for talking and bitching about company business on a train, not realising that someone from the company higher up was sitting there in the seats behind, listening! The south-east is very dense and crowded and I can see how this can happen. Two separate incidents, two separate companies.

It’s never occurred to me to not tidy up before my cleaner comes round. There’s no clutter at all, apart from a bit in DD’s room but that’s just perfume, creams etc on top of her dresser and her Knick knacks on her shelves. I have a three bed flat, well four really as we have a home office, and she has three hours to clean. I can imagine why your cleaner finds it hard to get it done in two hours if she has to tidy too. I don’t even leave dishes in the sink or anything. Must be a really easy person to clean for 😂

This.

My goodness! Have you confronted her yet?

Have you specified what cleaning you are want doing eg hoovering, dusting, wiping down bathroom etc. But all those tasks I would assume you would have cleared stuff off surfaces that’s not normally there. Cleaners normally just clean unless you specified tidying, but she doesn’t have much time to do both

So what? What's the point of cleaning an already clean house?

You’ve employed her for 4 years. Would you really ditch her for voicing an opinion?

Perhaps speak with her?

It will be filthy after a week of no cleaning.

I would have replied lucky you , it means you still have a job . What a cheeky moo ! If she thinks she needs more time she can simply say , “ I struggle to do it in 3 hours I need an extra one “ . No need to shame anyone .
I would find someone else

You need a cleaner who suits you. My cleaner tidies and cleans (in 2hrs, but my house is small) which suits me. She even organises drawers and cupboards (in kitchen etc not bedroom), it's a huge help as a single parent. My house isn't super messy though (apart from one teen's room!).

Get a new cleaner! Her job is to help you as a family and you are paying her well. If a longer clean needs more money she should have a sheet explaining that costs more. Price list springs to mind!

It depends on what you mean by tidy…..I tidy the whole house before the cleaner comes or else she can’t clean properly in the three hours she has. So there are no clothes to pick up, counters are clear enough and stuff put away in the bathroom.

This. It seems obvious. Otherwise, you will need to give extra time and more money for tidying as well.

Having read about cleaners on mn and talked to a few irl I think there is a huge range, people who assume your house is a hellhole who are there to make it better, and those who assume your house is clean and you want to make it a show house. I’m terrified to get a cleaner because my problem has always been our house rarely gets to the tidy enough stage and so I’d be looking for someone to tidy and clean- this was always what I thought a cleaner to be hence I can never have one. Your cleaner sounds terrifying

@Morepositivemum mine tidies and cleans - i went through a few who didnt. My house is messy and i need someone to put stuff away/get through the clutter and cleans. Im sure if i were tidier, it would be cheaper

We had a series of cleaners years ago who criticised the state of the house. I gave up after the last one complained the floor was dirty. It hadn’t been hoovered.

Everything had been tidied away, everything was there for her to come in and just clean.

But they all seemed to want to clean a clean house not a dirty one

If I have to tidy and hoover then why wouldn’t I just mop the floor instead of paying for the privilege

Many years ago all the female members of my family at some point took on cleaning jobs

Going around with them as a child I do remember that places needed tidying, (if it didn’t look like rubbish and unsure where things went, things were left in a neat pile. Clothes, shoes, newspapers, the breakfast bowls and plates all needed washing and putting away, beds were either made or stripped and the sheets washed and hung to dry and the beds made with the spare bedding. Any laundry that needed doing was done and hung out and if it was a twice per week house there was always the ironing to do from the laundry from earlier on in the week.

There was none of this cleaners just clean

They actually took your midden of a house and made it nice and tidy and clean

Was the cleaner aware that tidying would be needed when they quoted you? If not, then you need to offer more time for the same clean.

I don't do domestic cleaning but my biggest bug bear with commercial cleans is the pretense of 'clear desk policy'. That's great - I think when doing the quote - it will be 1 min per desk to wipe over the clear surface.

Only the desks aren't kept clear in reality - they're covered in trinkets and nik naks. And moving them all to clean adds 2 mins per desk. Doesn't sound like much, but when you multiply it by 15 desks, the time spent cleaning desks increases from 15 mins to the best part of an hour!

Now apply that premise to the whole of your house, and hopefully you can understand why your cleaner needs to bring it up with you.

Me too. There’s little point in paying her to put away your mess and muddle before she can actually clean anything.
I have a quick tidy up before mine comes, I’m happy if she leaves my clutter from the crafts I do!
Mine’s a ⭐

If she is tidying then she is doing your job and if it is messy you are preventing her doing her job. I tidy before my cleaner comes.

2hrs isn't very long on a 3 bed especially if she's got to tidy up 1st

YADNBU

We have a company clean and they send 2 cleaners at a time. I initially expected 3 hours (1.5 hours for 2 people) but they insisted 2 hours (1 hour with 2 people) was fine. I can’t fault them - house is 4 beds and 3 receptions (one is a study so they don’t do that as I’m in there working when they come). Some professional cleaners are just amazing.

I always tidy before the cleaner comes. All didhes are washed and put away - anything that’s not where it should be is hung up or put away. I don’t expect the cleaner to do tidying- she is there to clean - windows, baths, floors, showers and do lots of vacuuming. As long as I’m doing that her workload doesn’t change.

You'd have laughed in her face? Really? That's unhinged behaviour and if you genuinely conduct yourself like that (which I doubt) you'll likely end up getting a reaction you didn't bargain for. Also the "that's why we pay you" etc makes you sound like you think you're above her job. It's not a nice way to be.

I'd have an informal chat over a coffee or cuppa first. Clear the air, you don't want to lose a cleaner, and you might need to mildly 'put her in her place'. It couldn't do any harm.