Was what he did so terrible?

[Babbyy]

A friend is a member of a sports club.

He came across the profile of one of the women from the club on a dating site. Woman is married to a committee member from the club.

Friend was worried. Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically. So, friend mentioned it to the safeguarding officer at the club. This is a woman who is best friends with dating profile woman, so he expected she'd be sympathetic to profile woman, have a quiet word and between them they'd do what needed doing (if anything) .

It turned out the profile was genuine and that the marriage had ended, although that was not public knowledge. No one was discreet about friend's "interfering" and he is now being vilified as a busy body, when all he was trying to do was make sure this woman wasn't vulnerable.

Possibly I'd have spoken to profile woman directly, but I understand why he felt it more comfortable to speak with her friend who happened to be responsible for safeguarding.

Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not. There are no child members at this club, but in line with its governing body, it still requires a safeguarding officer.

Yes, he’s a busybody.

It was none of his business

What a busybody! Absolutely none of his business.

She was on a dating site - maybe not morally right if she was still married (which she turns out not to be) but hardly qualifies as "behaving erratically".

I also think busybody.

Is he usually this awful?

I'm all for taking safeguarding seriously, but this isn't safeguarding, it's interfering in someone's private life.

Yes that's awful, I would be so angry if I was the woman!

He concern was that "she" wasn't on the site but that someone else was using her details.

I think he was misguided but well intentioned.

Wow what a total busybody!

Oh come on. For ‘worried’, read nosy busybody..

Behaving erratically?? Wtf did he mean by that?

If he was really worried about her being cloned then he should have spoken to her directly but he didn't. He was shit stirring and still is.

Unless she's known to be a vulnerable adult, what he did was horrendous and he deserves to be shunned. Interfering bastard. Why TF didn't he just have a discreet word with profile lady if he was sooo concerned that someone had cloned her? Twat.

Problem for him is that no-one is buying his faux concern.

Honestly he was not concerned but was just being a busybody

Then he should have spoken to her about it.

Pah misguided
He was shit stirring
Dressed up as "concern"

Yeah he’s a gossip, make sure she’s not vulnerable, good god, why would he think that, this was none of his business and to go running to her mate and tell her. It wasn’t even on the mate to interfere, shame on him. He should at least own it,

Interesting - there is a virtually identical thread running where someone has spotted a female workmates husband on tinder and everyone is saying absolutely they must tell the wife, and how dreadful it’d be to keep quiet.
Yet here where it’s a woman on the dating app, he’s a dreadful busybody who shouldn’t interfere…

Surely you can see the difference, he didn’t speak to her or her husband he spoke to her mate,

Just came on to say exactly the same.
Hypocrisy at its finest 🤣

But what has going on a dating site got to do with safeguarding? Adult safeguarding? Are members of the club vulnerable? Do they have SMI, LD etc? Even if they do, their dating lives are nothing to do with anyone at the club.

It seems odd a safeguarding officer would be required for an ordinary adults hobby club. Let alone that this subject was part of their remit.

So yeah the guy should've kept his nose out.

Well if he was being a shit stirring busy body it would be the first time ever. I think he was genuinely shocked to come across it and worried about what to "do".

If he was a busy body, he'd have spoken to others first and probably found out about the marriage situation. It was because he tried to be discreet he did it the way he did. He spoke to one person, in an official capacity. It's others who spread the details around.

Haven't seen the other thread, but I think the difference might be that this bloke is pretending he was acting in the interests of the person on the dating app.
Sanctimonious prat.

I understand his concern and that he thought it would be easier to approach the mutual friend than the woman herself. Imagine having a conversation starting 'I saw your profile on a dating site and wanted to check if it's genuine'.

The safeguarding lead has been completely crap at being discreet and I wouldn't trust her with a sensitive issue.

Give over he was trying to spread the word and cause trouble, nasty person