Was what he did so terrible?

[Babbyy]

A friend is a member of a sports club.

He came across the profile of one of the women from the club on a dating site. Woman is married to a committee member from the club.

Friend was worried. Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically. So, friend mentioned it to the safeguarding officer at the club. This is a woman who is best friends with dating profile woman, so he expected she'd be sympathetic to profile woman, have a quiet word and between them they'd do what needed doing (if anything) .

It turned out the profile was genuine and that the marriage had ended, although that was not public knowledge. No one was discreet about friend's "interfering" and he is now being vilified as a busy body, when all he was trying to do was make sure this woman wasn't vulnerable.

Possibly I'd have spoken to profile woman directly, but I understand why he felt it more comfortable to speak with her friend who happened to be responsible for safeguarding.

Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not. There are no child members at this club, but in line with its governing body, it still requires a safeguarding officer.

Any book club I have been part of need at least 2 people trained in safe guarding to spot and intervene if anyone goes on a dating site like this. They also need a qualified first aider and access to a morgue.
There has also been really strict rules about no home baking, but that might have just been local arrangements.

What a sad life to lead @Babbyy

Not on him to tell the husband. The person who may not have made the profile is the one to speak to.

Or keep the nosey beak out

Yep, welcome to Mumsnet!

People are saying he shouldn't have interfered because the woman is single, not because she's a woman!

This guy will be creepy in RL. Guaranteed.

Agree, beak out is the obvious choice, but I was responding to people saying Mumsnet is hypocritical because in the other thread they said the wife should be told. Telling a safeguarding lead in a hobby club is obviously not equivalent to telling a spouse...there is some logic in telling a spouse.

But safeguarding woman did not need to say who told her they had seen profile woman on dating site.

Maybe she is a 'safeguarding' kind of person, maybe she isn't but she was irresponsible to have given her friend the name of the person who told her about the profile. Had she not done this and just kept her mouth shut, there'd be no drama and OP's friend wouldn't be feeling terrible about it all now.

Oh the OP’s “friend” doesn’t feel “terrible” about anything.

I think most people would feel pretty down if someone they thought they could trust made them the root of gossip (weirdo etc.) within a club they enjoyed.

Nah he’s a dodgy creep. Guaranteed.

We shall have to agree to disagree!

You’re pretty much on your own there

Not entirely, and I'm not sure why that matters? It certainly doesn't matter to me.

Do you always feel the need to fit in with what everyone else thinks? You know how sheep follow other sheep and end up falling off a cliff...

It's fine to agree to disagree. I think you feeling the need to try and embarrass me for having a different view on the OP's situation speaks volumes about you.

Nope, not entirely.

The Op shuffled off as soon as it dawned on her that very outing but yes - you certainly share the same view of this chap as her

disagree. I think you feeling the need to try and embarrass me for having a different view

goodness, now that’s thin skinned!

@Theendoftheroll let's leave it there. This is the end of the roll for me, especially as we are the only 2 people posting here now and OP has gone! Sincerely, have a good day. :)

Back at you!

And here’s hoping this guy stays well off the dating apps 🤞

But he didn't hand it over to an appropriate person. It had absolutely nothing to do with the club.

Being worried that someone was impersonating her online isn’t a safeguarding issue. Safeguarding is about someone being in actual danger, someone using her photo fraudulently doesn’t put her at any risk that can’t be discussed with her directly. There’s literally no logical reason why he would approach a safeguarding officer rather than her.

Safeguarding isn’t only about children, but it’s also not whatever this is.

Wtf is nothing private these days why did he get involved! Awful!