Was what he did so terrible?

[Babbyy]

A friend is a member of a sports club.

He came across the profile of one of the women from the club on a dating site. Woman is married to a committee member from the club.

Friend was worried. Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically. So, friend mentioned it to the safeguarding officer at the club. This is a woman who is best friends with dating profile woman, so he expected she'd be sympathetic to profile woman, have a quiet word and between them they'd do what needed doing (if anything) .

It turned out the profile was genuine and that the marriage had ended, although that was not public knowledge. No one was discreet about friend's "interfering" and he is now being vilified as a busy body, when all he was trying to do was make sure this woman wasn't vulnerable.

Possibly I'd have spoken to profile woman directly, but I understand why he felt it more comfortable to speak with her friend who happened to be responsible for safeguarding.

Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not. There are no child members at this club, but in line with its governing body, it still requires a safeguarding officer.

She's the wife of a club committee member, not a personal friend.

Funny that

totally unsurprising though

The two aren't the same because he's not a colleague or friend telling their mate's husband that they've seen his wife's profile on a dating site. He's someone random who works at a sports club this woman goes to. He didn't speak to her husband; he made up some completely convoluted and frankly weird story that her identity must have been stolen and that this was a safeguarding issue the gym should be involved in because a woman being a dating site is crazy and erratic behaviour.

What an embarrassing knob he is.

You're right about the safeguarding woman but that wasn't the OP's question, which is what most people have been answering.

Woman displays certain behaviour = she must be vulnerable/ hacked.

I can’t, thanks for the laugh OP.

He wasn’t concerned he was stirring the pot!

yes

Exactly

Leave us to go on dating sites without being reported to safeguarding at our athletics club? Yes of course you should leave us alone to do that.

If that's your idea of "giving a shit about women", and you'd refuse to help a woman whose husband is beating her up because you can't do that, don't kid yourself that you're the kind of man who would do us any good anyway. You're not remotely motivated by wanting to do good, you're motivated by wanting to exert control. A good man would try to learn what doing good is and not be angry about it; another type of man would do, well, exactly this sort of weird, angry, vengeful thing. Yes, please do stay away. You say in your own username that you don't think you're wanted here.

If he thought her profile was cloned, he should have had a very discreet word with her.

Instead he has aired her dirty laundry in public (she has nothing to be ashamed of) and is miffed that he is rightly getting it in the neck.

Hope he learns his lesson. To answer the question: Yes, he was being VU

give us the stats: which posters saying "tell the wife" on that thread are here calling the twatty bloke a busy body?

If i had seen the other thread my answer is the same (it is always the same answer from me if you catch someone cheating: you give them a deadline to tell their partner, or you will)

Safeguarding?
Fucking SAFEGUARDING???
What an obnoxious, officious, sanctimonious twat he is.

I saw it and I was tempted to say what I always say: none of your business unless you know them closely, will tell them openly and directly (no horrible anonymous messages) and will be a support. But I couldn't be bothered with accusations of being an OW and all that today.

Telling the husband would have actually been a reasonable course of action. He told the designated safeguarding person in case she was having a mental health episode or identity theft 🙄

I think it is mad behaviour. I would just assume the married woman wanted something more, and moved on.

Actually speaking to the woman directly is also massively creepy. I would hate to have some man I was vaguely associated with say they had seen me on a dating site. I would find that nasty. It could be interpreted as a kind of blackmail or a 'we are both in it together' situation. And if he is as clueless as he seems to be, he wouldn't be able to communicate a neutral stance.

What kind of club whose members are adults with capacity requires a Safeguarding Officer and who would want to be part of it? Genuinely asking.

So loads of people know about this

And here’s the OP throwing it open to Mumsnet to spend her day discussing it

wow @Babbyy . Firstly… a touch outing wouldn’t you agree? Secondly… your “friend” sounds peculiar. I’m thinking he’s never been in a relationship and you’d probably be deeply disturbed by his browsing history.

One which includes members such as this chap and the OP

I wonder if they made someone a safeguarding officer once your “friend” signed up.

My guess would be OP's "friend" has a crush on the woman, had a fit of pique on finding that she is playing the field on dating apps and decided to cause trouble for her in her social life under the guise of "concern"

I bet he’s an incel

yeah great excuse....oh its ok then, he "meant well"

A book club of course?