Was what he did so terrible?

[Babbyy]

A friend is a member of a sports club.

He came across the profile of one of the women from the club on a dating site. Woman is married to a committee member from the club.

Friend was worried. Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically. So, friend mentioned it to the safeguarding officer at the club. This is a woman who is best friends with dating profile woman, so he expected she'd be sympathetic to profile woman, have a quiet word and between them they'd do what needed doing (if anything) .

It turned out the profile was genuine and that the marriage had ended, although that was not public knowledge. No one was discreet about friend's "interfering" and he is now being vilified as a busy body, when all he was trying to do was make sure this woman wasn't vulnerable.

Possibly I'd have spoken to profile woman directly, but I understand why he felt it more comfortable to speak with her friend who happened to be responsible for safeguarding.

Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not. There are no child members at this club, but in line with its governing body, it still requires a safeguarding officer.

So you're talking to everyone involved too? And sharing it on here?

I cannot believe this was reported as "safeguarding".

I hope the woman puts in a complaint about this nosey weirdo knobhead.

Cant imagine he'd go to the club again though anyway, surely no one would have the balls to show their face again after this cringing embarassment 😂

What? She talked to me and I haven't told him anything he didn't already know.

What exactly am I sharing here? The story is common knowledge now anyway.

Well he is a busybody!

Oh, a man policing a woman’s behaviour. What a surprise. And stirring drama to make her look bad, instead of just asking her discreetly.

He sounds like an insufferable nosey parker. Safeguarding indeed! He’s trying to justify his shit stirring to cover himself, what a dickhead.

There was no ‘official capacity’ chat necessary. He was wrong and should apologise to the person in question.

So he told the safeguarding officer, she told her, she told you, you went back and forth between them and then you told the internet.

Discretion, thy name is... not this person.

If a child-or woman-got hurt and the man said, oops, maybe I should have said something, he'd be vilified. Poor men, it's like when they hold open a door and are called patronising, or rude if they don't.

The safeguarding officer is to blame-if you saw something about one of your kid's friends online that concerned you, and told the teacher/DSL they should investigate quietly, not tell everyone about it!

If he'd spoken to her, she could have thought he was coming on to her, if he'd done nothing, he'd have been morally responsible for bad stuff-wouldn't we all want him to go to the supposed right person to sort it out, if we were in a situation where we were vulnerable?

Your "friend" is a revolting busybody and interferer and it sounds as though he's got what he deserves for sticking his beak into someone else's private business.

"Safeguarding" my big fat arse.

There was no need for him to do anything. There was no sign that anyone was in danger. That’s the whole point.

What had this to do with the safe guarding officer? It had nothing to do with the club whatsoever.

The second I read “Friend was worried” I knew what the rest of the post would be.

Whatever his intentions, here’s yet another man “thoughtfully” telling a woman something he thinks she doesn’t know, and getting pissed off when she tells him actually she did.

Why on EARTH did this man talk to anyone at all about someone else’s marriage?? Cloning? Let it play out! Nobody knows what goes on in other people’s marriages - except this man! Idiot, arrogant man meddling where he’s not needed.

What a knob. Why go to a safeguarding officer?! Go straight to the person who he thought had been cloned. Would he go to your employer if he thought someone had hacked into your mumsnet account?

Had he asked her out and she knocked him back?

I agree the Safeguarding Lead needs more training. She shouldn't even have told the woman who had mentioned the profile to her. Your DH was trying to do the right thing and I'm sorry it's backfired on him.

So a guy saw a married woman's profile on a dating site and rather than talk directly to her about it he spoke to the safeguarding officer at the club?

He niavely jumped to the conclusion that she'd had her identity cloned but again, rather than raise it directly with her, he spoke to the safeguarding officer at the club?

It's wild.

He had no inkling that maybe she was cheating on her partner which is none of his business and not a safeguarding concern. That's what I'd have assumed.

Years ago a sister of a friend contacted me to say she'd seen my boyfriend on a dating site and she was shocked and worried but wanted me to know. I immediately messaged my boyfriend as I suspected it was an awful "friend" of his pulling a distastful prank. He phoned me straight away to reassure me that he had no idea about it and he was going to call this "friend" (let's call him Paul) who he also suspected. Paul later on messaged me with the proof that showed it was him who'd set up the profile, paid for the membership, written the profile, where he'd got the photo from etc. He came to the house to apologise. I messaged the sister of my friend to explain so any rumourmill could stop. Needless to say, Paul is no longer in our lives because he's a prick. He was acting like a stupid teenager and my boyfriend at the time blasted him out for potentially damaging his relationship and my trust, that it was unacceptable to hurt me and cause all this uneccesary drama.

Anyway, that was a rather long storytime sorry, but my point is that we all talked directly to the people involved. No one talked to a safeguarding officer.

Your mate might have had good intentions but it was a poor decision.

If he had to do anything (if!) he could have told the woman in private that he'd seen her profile. If her photo was being used by someone else she would want to know. Why on earth would he assume that she was vulnerable even if still married?

You still haven’t explained why everyone’s talking about it

The safeguarding leader should’ve just kept it quiet, surely

and you’re saying he is vulnerable
And he thought she was vulnerable
What?

What would he do if he saw someone on a swingers site?

He's not the morality police and this is not a safeguarding matter.

The responses on here are the reason that people don’t report domestic violence etc. You can’t do right for doing wrong.

That is a really odd comparison

He is a sticky beak and a gossip. Got caught out, now trying to justify it.

He wasn't reporting domestic violence. The most illegal activity he could have been reporting was potential identity theft and that wouldn't be a matter for the club safeguarding officer.

Well he's a man so he couldn't possibly be concerned about a woman. We all know that. It's no wonder men don't look out for women anymore if they do they get insulted.
Just for anyone who seems to have missed it: he reported to the safeguarding officer and she spread it round not him.