Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

OFFS. OP used to weight sixteen stone! Losing weight from that doesn't make her drastically underweight. I am her height at just under nine stone and I don't look old or haggard, it's absolute nonsense. Obesity has become ridiculously normalised.

Perhaps he’s insecure that you might leave him
some men like their women bigger and they think she’s less likely to leave

Too much weight loss can make you look too thin and older/ill in the face unfortunately. He can't help that he doesn't find you as attractive anymore.

Your comment was way nastier than what he said. He answered your question truthfully and gave a valid and highly likely explanation. You were horrible out of anger because you didn’t get the answers you wanted.

And so was he,! Why was what she said any worse than what he said
He said her weight loss (which has health benefits) made her look old

Give over, at 10 stone 12lbs and 5 foot 8 her BMI is about 23. Not even close to being in danger of being underweight.

Unless you know the OP in real life, how can you possibly know what she looks like?

That being said, he was insensitive and you were rude OP.

It was, and probably quite difficult to come back from a comment like that.

It’s common knowledge that losing fat around the face is aging, it wasn’t the best comment for him to make but not deserving of what was said in response.

Well done on your weight loss, though, OP, much better for your health and I hope that you can get past this argument.

Was there equal venom? Was he also absolutely raging?

I am certainly reading it as She alone was the all hell breaking loose and went for the jugular. Although I am happy to stand corrected.

The best version is that they are equally ghastly. But that doesn’t take away from the way that OP spoke to (speaks to?) her life partner. I just don’t think you treat people you love like that.

Her husband is telling her she crossed a line. I agree. And it matters not a jot how many Mumsnetters think it’s all grand- because it is her husband who gets to decide.
I can’t see any coming back from this- certainly there wouldn’t be for me.

I think your comment about his penis was really below the belt. I don’t think he said anything that bad, carrying extra weight does make people look younger and when you lose a lot of weight very quickly it can look too much as you have likely lost muscle alongside fat.

It’s quite common knowledge that for a lot of people WLI’s make you look older as you get thinner in the face, myself included.

OP is damned either way. WLI is like a curse. You take, it's cheating, you are too thin, I liked you fatter, you look older thinner, plumper younger. In the end it has been the user who decides.

That was a bit mean. But ozempic face is a real thing!

I weigh less than the OP and I'm a fair bit taller. I am NOT underweight. Normalising obesity is not cool.

Oh fucks sake neither of yourself have covered yourself in glory here. He shouldn’t have been banging on about looks given you’ve lost weight for your health and I bet you look really good and he’s maybe a bit pissed off in case other men fancy you now. But your comments about his penis were revolting also.

Yeah, this. I wouldn't say it, but the people I know on weight loss injections look completely different, not only very thin but also older.

You're healthier, which is great. But you asked him.

I don’t think you were being nasty. It’s bloody hard work losing weight and you wanted reassurance that you still looked attractive which I’m sure you do. Being 16 stone was terrible for your health so I applaud you. It’s also very expensive on Mounjaro, don’t let him destroy your new self confidence. I would have snapped too after all those months of effort and expense!

Has he got a chode? Truth hurts 🤣

Sadly you're very wrong here. I'm on Mounjaro and like any other form of weight loss it doesn't differentiate between muscle and fat. If you don't keep your protein intake high and resistance train much of the weigh you lose can be muscle as well as fat. Also why people put on weight so quickly if they stop dieting.

Quick weight loss on WLI does often make people look older in the face.

Small fat micro penis 🤣

YABU. You asked what he thought and he said, and tbh it’s noticeable when large people loose weight that you do seem skinny/scrawny or whatever as your skin won’t be a tight as it was before and sometimes won’t ever, and in turn that can make you look older

Don’t forget you are nearly 2 stone down on when he first met you, hence the curvy comment

then you were really nasty to him, that’s wrong, you asked, don’t ask if you don’t want to hear something

Apologise to him and move on

You did cross a line, btw, IMO.

YANBU

You did nothing wrong, he crossed a line.

Besides, you are only a stone lighter than when he met you, so he's being ridiculous, in my opinion.

I did snigger when I googled chode 😂 He deserved it.

When will men ever learn - never negatively comment on women's bodies/weight!

So she did not ask if she looked too thin.

Yes the message is to couple the WLI with resistance training to stop the muscle loss