Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Big row with DH over my weight

416 replies

Prickleitch · 07/01/2026 17:15

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

OP posts:
CandlelitKitchen · 07/01/2026 17:40

Christ, your comment's hard to come back from OP.
You can change your weight but he.......well, you get the point.

You did ask. He did say.

Is there a reason he feels like you do about your weight? My husband was ill a few years ago and it made him very thin. I don't like to see him get too thin now as it brings back all the pain and worry of that time.

Northerngirl821 · 07/01/2026 17:41

It’s hard to tell without being there whether your husband was genuinely concerned about your health or being a little bit controlling and/or jealous of your weight loss.

However losing your temper and screaming a nasty insult at him wasn’t justified at all.

Decafwhite · 07/01/2026 17:41

After I lost 6 stone my dh started calling me a bag of bones. I lost another stone, telling him a healthier me was better than a dead me. He never mentioned my weight again. I've had 2 strokes, lost the weight calorie counting & excersise. Be proud of your achievement ☺️

cinquanta · 07/01/2026 17:41

Did he have to Google ‘chode’?

I did.

Aluna · 07/01/2026 17:41

Tpu · 07/01/2026 17:33

You sound absolutely ghastly.

Having being on the receiving end of somebody else’s over the top rage you have no idea the damage you are wreaking on your marriage. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself, and I only hope there weren’t children being set this as an example of how to speak to someone you supposedly love.

You have had complete control of the narrative on this thread and you come across as a very spiteful and nasty person.

He was stupid enough to give you an honest answer, and you lost your shit at him for not telling you what you wanted him to say- very very controlling and presumably not out of character for you?

Why is ok for a man to tell a woman that she’s too thin, less sexy and looks older? (It’s not), But it’s not ok for woman to say his dick is a bit on the small side.

They’re both equally “honest” no?

Tpu · 07/01/2026 17:42

Iceice · 07/01/2026 17:34

Having said that, I think posters are wrong to say that you what you said was worse.

You were clearly just having a jab for the sake of it. It wasn’t a comment to take truthfully.

He however said something he really thinks about how you look. And what’s more, linked it to him finding you less attractive. That’s really bad.

It’s amazing how it’s always the nastiest, most personalized comments that people want to go “Oh, I didn’t mean it.” after the have had the benefit of landing the punch.

And this is to people you love.

Why don’t you just limit yourself to saying things you actually mean and are prepared to take responsibility for?

Gahr · 07/01/2026 17:43

Who are all these women who look old because they are thin? That sounds like a lie that fat people tell themselves to make themselves feel better! Either way, OP didn't actually ask her 'D'H for his opinion in the first place, even if she asked the follow up question, so I don't get all these comments saying that she asked first without provocation. No, she didn't. For a site that is OBSESSED with how 99% of men are awful, cheating, rapists, you name it, it sure is fast to police women who actually stand up for themselves.

Brightlittlecanary · 07/01/2026 17:43

Iceice · 07/01/2026 17:37

Oh I didn’t know that. That actually is bad and makes it sound like something you did mean, OP.

In that case, you both were as bad as each other and you need to learn to keep your negative views about each others’ physicality to yourself.

Show quote history

As bad as each other, you must be very weight sensitive as she asked he told she became abusive. If it’s a competition she won.

TonTonMacoute · 07/01/2026 17:44

You asked him if he found you attractive and he was honest, then you lashed out with an attack on a body part he can do nothing about. YW massively U.

This really. If you want to have an honest conversation with your DH about sensitive issues, you might end up hearing something you don't like.You should be able to manage that without flying off the handle in a big way.

Daughterofthesea · 07/01/2026 17:45

mounjano weight loss makes a-lot of people look a bit haggard and old unfortunately - probably better to lose weight the traditional healthier way with diet and exercise
yeah you were really out of order to say that to your husband

Brightlittlecanary · 07/01/2026 17:45

Gahr · 07/01/2026 17:43

Who are all these women who look old because they are thin? That sounds like a lie that fat people tell themselves to make themselves feel better! Either way, OP didn't actually ask her 'D'H for his opinion in the first place, even if she asked the follow up question, so I don't get all these comments saying that she asked first without provocation. No, she didn't. For a site that is OBSESSED with how 99% of men are awful, cheating, rapists, you name it, it sure is fast to police women who actually stand up for themselves.

That’s what I was thinking, I see tons of before and afters in Reddit, some in here, many in my social circle, everyone looks significantly younger,

you only look older if you go to a very low bmi, like 18 or below. A fat belly big bust and a fat face with double chins is never ever youthful but I keep seeing people on here saying it is. I simply have never seen that.

HelenaWaiting · 07/01/2026 17:45

QueenAstrid · 07/01/2026 17:28

Mounjaro can make people look older as it can cause more muscle loss than conventional weight loss.
You were out of order referencing his penis size and as per pp nobody says chode.

Not at 10 stone 12 pounds, it doesn't. It would only cause muscle loss if someone was taking it who didn't have any excess fat to lose. FYI, Mounjaro is conventional weight loss. It just assists with appetite suppression. It is up to the individual user to change habits.

Brightlittlecanary · 07/01/2026 17:45

Daughterofthesea · 07/01/2026 17:45

mounjano weight loss makes a-lot of people look a bit haggard and old unfortunately - probably better to lose weight the traditional healthier way with diet and exercise
yeah you were really out of order to say that to your husband

Edited

That’s nonsense. Cmon now.

Starlight7080 · 07/01/2026 17:46

Well done on the weight loss . Its a big thing.
Unfortunately I think that a lot of people are finding that they do look older using the weight loss jabs. It does effect the muscles in your face so it does make it a bit more noticeable. You see that a lot in celebrities. But what's wrong with that! We all age and its natural. But he should not have said it. Or mentioned it at all.
Do you think maybe its more of a case that he is insecure. And he is thinking now you have ost weight you may want someone else (daft i know) but people have crazy ideas sometimes.
You did go to far with the comments to him. But in that situation I think a lot of us would say something mean back.

X123x321X · 07/01/2026 17:46

Classy. 🙄

Happyjoe · 07/01/2026 17:47

Am sorry, he's being honest and unfortunately you didn't want to hear it.
And for the record, it also may come from a place of concern. If you carry on losing weight, you will be in danger of underweight for your height. Am glad you're now slimmer and feeling better but also please do not go too far. Skinny people do look older btw.

chunkyBoo · 07/01/2026 17:47

WIOW!! That’s brilliant!! Well done you!!
however, it’s a bit of a hard one (snigger!!) …. But I suspect he’s just a bit worried that you’ve lost a lot very quickly and you’ve probably literally changed in front of his eyes! it really can make your face seem older sadly, and I don’t know the answer …. Even plastic surgery looks a bit odd on many too. He is, of course, in the wrong though.

i am also on Mounjaro, sadly only lost 1.5 stone in 4 months 🥺 so don’t have anything to comment on as I still have a fat, wrinkle free-ish face (in 53), same height as you but a few stone heavier. But I’ll give in to a few wrinkles if I’m 11 stone in the next year or so, happier, healthier and I’ll spend my money then on great wrinkle creams 🤣🤩
Enjoy the new you, and remember your health will be much better and think of the new wardrobe 🤩

TheLemonLemur · 07/01/2026 17:47

Well done on the weight loss thats a great achievement! He expressed a concern and you asked a question that he answered honestly. You didn't like his answer and struck a low blow not like he can adjust the size of his body parts! I agree with him you crossed a line

Terfedout · 07/01/2026 17:48

That's a lot of weight lost in a relatively short time. So your skin will look older. It will catch up and improve though so don't worry on that score. And congrats on the weight loss!

I've lost a stone and a half in the last 2 - 3 months, and my partner said a very similar thing to me as well the other day. It pissed me off, but being an adult, I just told him he was entitled to his opinion and that I'm happy with the way I look.

Yabu.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 07/01/2026 17:48

You were both unkind. If he really doesn’t fancy you any more then what does that mean for your relationship going forward? I think you should have a calm conversation about that.

With regards to chode, yes people definitely say it in real life, certainly where I live (Brighton)

WilfredsPies · 07/01/2026 17:49

I think you both owe each other an apology. He’s only thinking about what he finds attractive, rather than what’s best for your health, and you’ve targeted the size of his penis, which is hardly something he can do anything about.

You’ve both used insults which have been designed to cause each other the maximum amount of hurt. Do you even like each other? Do you want to stay married to each other?

The pair of you need to grow the fuck up. This is how 14 year olds argue, not married adults.

DoubleHardBastard · 07/01/2026 17:49

Wow. I think your husband needs to LTB.

TicklishReader · 07/01/2026 17:50

Did he know what a chode was?

Billyillmissyou · 07/01/2026 17:50

Sorry to say this, but your comment was incredibly spiteful and I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband can’t get over it.
i don’t think your husbands comment was in the same league at all.

SilenceInside · 07/01/2026 17:51

Fascinating the number of people prepared to post utter tosh about losing weight via Mounjaro, stated confidently as fact. It doesn’t affect the muscles in your face, what a total nonsense that statement is.

The whole scenario is madness for what is meant to be a loving partnership. The DH continually mentioning that the OP is too thin, followed by the escalating row and screaming insults. Just all wrong on every level from both parties. If that’s normal for how you interact, then there is a significant relationship problem.