Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

Mounjaro can make people look older as it can cause more muscle loss than conventional weight loss.
You were out of order referencing his penis size and as per pp nobody says chode.

He volunteered the information that she looked too thin.

She merely asked for clarification as to what that meant - ie whether he found her unattractive.

He volunteered the information that she looked too thin.

She merely asked for clarification as to what that meant - ie whether he found her unattractive.

Thanks OP.

I needed a new starter word for Wordle!
👍

Yes I think that is true - he fell in love with a version of you that was 12 stone and he has waited until you are under than before saying nicely that he didn’t think you needed to lose anymore weight. Not that he wants you to gain it but not anymore.

i do think that one side effect of WLI, one which actually puts me off as I do at the moment look younger with a fatter face and can pass for probably 5-10 years younger that if I lose weight will make me look older - it is a fact of losing weight

what you said crossed a line far more

Some men seem to have an issue with their partners when they lose weight.

I think they feel a bit threatened when you lose weight and gain confidence.

Bloody hell. You both said stuff that should definitely have remained unsaid.

So she did ask.

I don’t know why you are saying that she didn’t ask him and then following up with how she did ask him.

I think you were both nasty in your own way but he is an absolute dick.

• my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger.
• This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

• DH made a comment about me looking too thin.
• He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive.
• He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me.
• He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older.

Its all about his dick and what he wants - he must know you arent anywhere near being underweight, so its not out of concern for YOUR health or happiness, its about what makes his dick hard. He wasnt coming at it from a 'im worried your weight is too low' he made a comment designed to make you feel like there was something wrong with the way you look because he found you more attractive while bigger. And then instead of realising thats a dick thing to do, he kept on at it until you felt like you needed to check he actually still fancied you (sort of crucial in a marriage) and he answered which is fine, but then made a comment about you looking older??? If you didnt ask thats also a dick move, why isnt he thinking 'but we have made vows to grow old together, and she is older than when we met, and is at a healthy weight which means she's more likely to live a long happy life with me, so thats whats important here, not making her feel shit about herself because my dick doesnt like it'

This is not really about the weight loss but about how you treat each other when you have a conflict or disagreement. Do you usually have these kinds of explosive rows? Screaming personal insults is a huge reaction.

YANBU. Sixteen stone at five eight is huge, no wonder you were unhappy and good for you for losing the weight. Your husband is a moron.

You sound absolutely ghastly.

Having being on the receiving end of somebody else’s over the top rage you have no idea the damage you are wreaking on your marriage. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself, and I only hope there weren’t children being set this as an example of how to speak to someone you supposedly love.

You have had complete control of the narrative on this thread and you come across as a very spiteful and nasty person.

He was stupid enough to give you an honest answer, and you lost your shit at him for not telling you what you wanted him to say- very very controlling and presumably not out of character for you?

A chode is specifically a penis which is wider than it is long, FWIW.

Source: working with teenage boys for the last two decades and overhearing some very colourful talk...

I feel like we need to know more about his actual dimensions to comment with competence.

Do you often fly into rages?

I don’t agree. I find the most ageing look is a haggard looking woman with lots of wrinkles.
A rounded face and big bust is actually very youthful looking imo. The fat pads out the skin.

Having said that, I think posters are wrong to say that you what you said was worse.

You were clearly just having a jab for the sake of it. It wasn’t a comment to take truthfully.

He however said something he really thinks about how you look. And what’s more, linked it to him finding you less attractive. That’s really bad.

Both of you have gone too far and need to apologise. It's understandable that you were hurt when he wasn't as thrilled with your weight loss as you are. He obviously liked you when you were slightly curvier but this doesn't equate to him wanting you to be obese with high blood pressure. What you said to him was completely unacceptable and requires an abject apology.

When I lost a load of weight years ago ( pre jabs , gone back on now ) my dh called me Bob ( bag of bones ) I wasn't quite sure how to take it .

You’ve failed to grasp that he volunteered the information that she’s too thin.
She didn’t ask him if he thought that.

Once he made the comment she asked what he meant. Fair enough.

How many women on her would be happy if their husbands told them they were too fat?

Oh I didn’t know that. That actually is bad and makes it sound like something you did mean, OP.

In that case, you both were as bad as each other and you need to learn to keep your negative views about each others’ physicality to yourself.

I disagree about her comment not being meant truthfully. Something said in anger like that could easily be the truth that someone has been kind enough to not mention before. I mean the gist of it, maybe not a literal chode, but generally being too small for OP’s liking.

I think neither of them come across well, even OP who has been able to write it from her perspective

I think it all depends on the tone your husband answered. You did ask him a question would you have rather he lied ?

You were both a bit mean I guess although I think he was more insensitive than mean. I agree with some pps that the flip side of losing a lot of weight especially as an older woman can cause your face to look more lined and yes, you may look older. You should apologise I think and I would suggest you tell him how important this weight loss has been for you and obviously for your health.

So she did ask. As you keep saying.