Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

Using "even teenagers....." in reply that even a teenager would think is very weak insult itself is like the MN post version of an ouroburos 😂

Yep

”sent me into a rage” is being overlooked here and a man raging at being told he was still attractive but his wife preferred his previous size wouldn’t be sympathised with on here

If the wife had done/said the same as her husband did in OP’s instance, I’d think exactly the same. OP is allowed to be angry or in a rage…she didn’t threaten him; she retaliated because of how his actions made her feel.

There are no shades of grey about his words either. Maybe if he’d mentioned it once and then once OP said she was happy, shut up about it that would be ‘shades of grey’.

But he didn’t. He went on, so much so, OP doubted how he felt about her and then he went on to tell her he found her less attractive AND that she looked older. I wouldn’t be coming back from that if my DH said something similar either. And people keep going on about how he’ll feel if they were to be intimate again - what about how OP will feel after what he’s said to her? I probably wouldn’t ever feel comfortable having sex with my DH again if he said what OP’s said.

There's no shades of grey about his words either though.

And he could have stopped at saying he didnt find op unattractive (how nice of him), but no, he carried going on at her.

Being told you look older (particularly as a woman of a certain age imo, although not all womem obvs but most IME - similar to how delicate men are about their knobs), not as sexy, only "not unattractive", and someone liked you better when you were at significant risk of heart issues is very personal and cutting.

He got as good as he gave. He was a shit to op and would have been well aware saying she looked older was a low blow, and he didnt like getting it back. FAFO as they say.

Of course it sent her into a rage, she was really hurt. She didn’t ask for his opinion on her weight and yet he gave it and kept going.

If woman told her DH he was too thin, less attractive and looked old she would be rightly criticised. Particularly if he had worked hard to lose weight due to health issues.

So going into a rage is okay if you’re hurt?

Is this for men and women, or just women?

Oh just women

mens rage is their fault, they chose their reactions and it’s abusive

women’s rage is men’s fault, he made her do it and he’s abusive

Many people get angry when they feel really hurt.

Don't ever ever ask your partner if they find you attractive.

You really went for the jugular and you owe him an apology. Would you think it okay for him to say he’d rather be with someone whose vagina was tight and not like a wizard’s sleeve? I mean it’s just awful.

Having had three children that was the analogy that occurred to me.

Wow. What you said to him was horrible, and I hope you’re going to apologise. 🙄

Yeah it’s always the menz fault

If he said something similar (like the wizard’s sleeve example) in response to OP going on at him, saying she found him less attractive and that he looked older, I’d agree the OP deserved it too.

Quite a controversial post for a first time poster