Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

I do not understand this idea that the person you share your life with on a daily basis should never pass comment on your appearance.

if your partner rapidly loses or gains weight do you not say anything? If a hairstyle doesn’t suit them, or the beard, or the shoes?

isn’t that someone who you trust to be honest with you. Do you not ask their opinion on outfits, of certain types of clothing work for your body shape?

it doesn’t mean you have to listen or take it on board. But I would think it was weird if they didn’t care or have thoughts. They see you every day ffs.

Unnecessary response by you. Don't be surprised if your sex life dies a death now. Most men would be deeply insecure after that comment.

Yeah right! OP is too thin so her husband is going to punish her by withholding sex? Cutting nose to spite face there. Do men actually do that? Could only see it lasting a few hours. Do you fancy a blow job? No, get away from me, I'm punishing you

No, he gave an unsolicited negative opinion of her being too thin, then “kept on going on about it”, (as per the OP), so THEN she asked if it meant he found her unattractive, as I imagine a lot of people would at least think, if not say, in the same situation.

He deserved it IMO.

Well losing weight does make most people look older (certainly after 30).
Hence the American term ‘choose between your fanny and your face’
It’s very true. He shouldn’t have said that to you - insensitive, but it doesn’t sound like he was being nasty. You were being nasty.

It's sadly very common. A friend of a friend recently lost a lot but now looks about 10 years older than she actually is.

Jokingly, I got asked if I had a wrinkled voodoo doll somewhere in my house by someone who couldn't believe I was as old as I am, but I am just overweight 😂

Weight ages young people but makes older people less wrinkled.

You could argue he was answering your Q honestly, making your reply unfair and a little childish. You could also argue that he should not have kept going on about it, he perhaps was jealous and goading you to ask so that he could lash out at you, making him a little childish.

As opposed to OP feeling insecure because her husband gave an unsolicited opinion on her body that he kept going on about? So it’s ok for her husband to knock her down, but not the other way round??

Low, low blow, OP. You pushed him for an answer on how he felt about your weight loss and when he was honest - and the rapid weight loss associated with WLI does make some users look older – you went right below the belt.

I think an apology from you is definitely in order but don't be surprised if you've caused irrevocable damage.

This. Many men feel threatened and insecure when their wife/partner loses weight.

Whenever I say to my DH that I am going on a diet (I am sometimes about 2-3 stone oveweight,) and I am 4-5 days into a diet, he suddenly starts coming home with chocolate bars, packs of biscuits, packs of maltesers, and cakes. Tells me he got them from work. He claims that 'so and so brought them in for people and there was some left.' NEVER happens when I am not on a diet.

He presented me with a big tube of orange smarties yesterday that someone gave him at work (allegedly) because I went on a diet on Sunday (4th Jan.) I gave them straight back and said 'no. take it back.' He was like 'wow, not even a thank you!' I said 'I'm not thanking you for something I not only didn't ask for, but do not want!' He was so annoyed .. 😆 Colour me shocked, I found an Asda receipt in the car boot, and the orange smarties were on it. Lying twat.

Anyhoo, @Prickleitch YANBU to be really annoyed.. What you said was brutal, but he was rude too. So he deserved it IMO. I have to say though, a big, dramatic weight loss (especially via weight loss injections) does make people look older. A woman I know - aged 38, and around 5 ft 4, was 13 stone. She looked 'mid 30s.' She lost 3 stone on MJ this year, and looks like she is in her late 40s now.

You are not excessively thin now, perhaps it is the speed of your weight loss he is struggling to keep up, my dh comments have not gone beyond you are doing well, do you/you must feel better/lighter doing things type comments.

If he told me negatively I was "too" thin (when objectively/health wise I was not), then followed it up with I looked older and not as sexy........he would probably be under the patio by now. But thankfully he is more interested in my health and how I feel than his "preferred body type".

I don't think you were being that unreasonable, it was a knee jerk defensive retort when you were under verbal attack (unless he does have a tiny winky and you know he feels bad about it already).

I would apologise for the penis comment and expect him to accept my apology, but I would also expect to have a conversation over the health benefits of your weight loss being the priority, not his "needs".

No-one should be criticised for losing weight for health reasons, unless they become unhealthily skinny.

Clearly 10 st 12 is a great weight for you (because you are happy, healthier and not underweight).

You husband needs to engage his brain before speaking and you need to keep your temper under better control!

It’s mostly there in the inbetween bit when the skin hasn’t caught up with the fat. It usually tightens up after a while

How is she wrong?! She said that losing weight on WLI was no more likely to cause muscle wastage than any other form, not that it was less likely. I swear that reading comprehension on this site is woeful.

He was rude but after a certain age (including myself here) weight loss can age you. But your comment was below the belt - boom boom!

I expect you’re going to find out how attractive you are to other men after you weight lose when he leaves you.

Op i am you. Ive lost 10 stone over 22 months. My husband says lots of lovely things but he also constantly tells me im too thin or 'are you stopping now' he tries to get me to eat sometimes too. I asked the exact same questions as you, he said he loved me regardless but my insecurity (funnily enough worse now im smaller) make me think he doesn't fancy me as much as he did before. I have extreme loose skin and i definitely look older. So he never outwardly said anything bad to the question but every time he says im too thin or similar it really upsets me...so I fully understand why this convo upset uou. When youre trying to improve yourself and working so hard, which you still need to even on mj, and the one person who should be your no1 cheerleader isnt as supportive or encouraging as maybe they could be then it hits hard. Although, yes what you said was nasty, I dont think what he said was okay either!

You were absolutely vile and you owe him a big apology.

Weight loss does often make people look older.

Sixteen stone is not 'curvy'! It is obese.

Oh, what does it matter if he finds you a little less attractive now you're thinner?
It's personality that counts!😉

Is your DH on the thin side, OP? I may be way off beam here but some men like their partner to be larger because they think it stops other men desiring her.

You’ve lost around a third of your body weight in 5 months. I’m not surprised you’re thrilled - that’s an incredible achievement. I’ve lost a similar amount, and am constantly delighted at how much better I feel.

i am conscious that my husband has always been a fan of my boobs which are far less buxom than they used to be. And my stomach is a saggy mess. I’m 57 and have been overweight most of my life, so I don’t image I’m going to spring back into a smooth and toned tummy even if I don 300 crunches a day. But my health is so much better, my confidence has soared, my nutrition is far more balanced.

my husband wouldn’t comment on how skinny or old I look, even though I suspect he thinks it. If he did say something, we’d discuss it and I’d point out the positives rather than slinging a nasty insult back.

the poster who commented that your sex life might be impacted is probably right. You’ve insulted his manhood and made it clear that it falls short of what you’d like and enjoy. It’ll be difficult to come back from that.

i sympathise with you, but think your comment was far far worse than his honest opinion.

you probably do look older - I know I do when I'm thinner. And you've lost nearly 5 stone in 5 month - which is really fast. The people I know who've lost weight fast on WLI do have saggy gaunt faces and necks.

And yes you were vile to him.

You should apologise and then have a sensible conversation about your weight loss rather than acting like a couple of idiots (him prioritising his dick over you being a healthy weight, you going on about 10 inch chodes- no one needs any of this).

Honestly I think you were very hateful. I would be upset if my partner told me he thought I looked old and not as attractive but that’s now how I’d respond. There is a line where you can crossover into looking gaunt and unwell, maybe you’ve crossed it and not realised. I think you owe him an apology but also an explanation of how he hurt your feelings.

Both hateful, sit down and talk.