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Original poster

Big row with DH over my weight

416 replies

Prickleitch · 07/01/2026 17:15

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

OP posts:
ActiveTiger · 08/01/2026 02:03

It's a scientific fact that being thinner makes you look older from a certain age, however I don't think your dh was mean in any way nothing wrong to say he liked how you were. Your response wow is that a happy marriages I've never even shouted at my dh never mind said disgusting things.

LadyBlakeneysHanky · 08/01/2026 02:06

Imagine if a man asked his wife whether she found him attractive given recent changes in his appearance; and when she gave him an honest answer, started insulting her breast size (saying how unbearable her small breasts had been for him over the years), on the basis that her honesty had ‘sent me into a rage’.

It would be obvious that he was a domineering, aggressive prick with an anger problem.

OtterlyAstounding · 08/01/2026 02:16

ActiveTiger · 08/01/2026 02:03

It's a scientific fact that being thinner makes you look older from a certain age, however I don't think your dh was mean in any way nothing wrong to say he liked how you were. Your response wow is that a happy marriages I've never even shouted at my dh never mind said disgusting things.

What scientific study shows that??

Studies I've seen show that losing a good deal of weight quickly may make you look older temporarily, as your skin may need time to adjust to the rapid volume loss. They also show that being too thin can make you look older in middle age and beyond. But being an ideal, healthy weight isn't 'too thin', and at OP's height, 'too thin' according to the NHS would be anything under 8 stone 10.

Also, I think it's pretty mean of her 'D'H to keep on at her being 'too thin', when she's made the change for her health and objectively isn't too thin, and then when she asked for reassurance, told her she was less desirable to him now, and looked older. What she chose to say in response was pretty harsh, but he's the one who couldn't keep his mouth shut and be supportive of her.

ShelleyCarpenter · 08/01/2026 02:24

dgwhatisthis · 07/01/2026 21:00

Regardless of anything else, you can't take that back and it may be a relationship ending comment. He'll be aware of it every single time you're intimate, if you ever are again.

This 100%

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/01/2026 02:24

ActiveTiger · 08/01/2026 02:03

It's a scientific fact that being thinner makes you look older from a certain age, however I don't think your dh was mean in any way nothing wrong to say he liked how you were. Your response wow is that a happy marriages I've never even shouted at my dh never mind said disgusting things.

Vintage Vacuuming GIF

You go, girl! 👏

OtterlyAstounding · 08/01/2026 02:25

LadyBlakeneysHanky · 08/01/2026 02:06

Imagine if a man asked his wife whether she found him attractive given recent changes in his appearance; and when she gave him an honest answer, started insulting her breast size (saying how unbearable her small breasts had been for him over the years), on the basis that her honesty had ‘sent me into a rage’.

It would be obvious that he was a domineering, aggressive prick with an anger problem.

You're missing out the part where the OP only asked in response to her DH "keeping on at her" about being too thin now, despite her being a perfectly healthy weight, and having lost it for her health. His continuous comments understandably prompted her to worry he didn't find her as attractive, and ask - probably in the hopes he'd reassure her. Instead he confirmed that no, he didn't find her as attractive as he used to, and oh, by the way, he also thinks she looks older now.

I do agree though that OP shouldn't have 'gone into a rage' and screamed at him - but frankly, if he's happy to pass judgement on her body, then he should be prepared to receive the same in kind.
If she'd said calmly, 'well, and I wouldn't mind if your penis was two inches longer, but there we are, I suppose neither of us are getting exactly what we want', would that really be unfair of her, given what he'd said?

Needaglowup · 08/01/2026 02:26

@Pedallleurwhat I mean is he’s going to how have a complex about the size of his cock ! Nothing to do with withholding 🙄

rainandshine38 · 08/01/2026 02:31

What? Chode is actually a word for a short fat penis! This is all I’m taking from this thread!

Lamentingalways · 08/01/2026 09:52

ScarletSwan · 08/01/2026 01:13

Your new weight is hardly waif-like. Yes, he might like your previous "curves" but surely his wife being healthy is more important. I mean having curves is hardly a comfort if you can't feed yourself after having a stroke or heart attack. Yes, you probably do look a bit older as fat is no longer filling up the creases. I do look older than I once was but my husband doesn't kick back and say, "Scarlet, I really preferred you when you were 35 with a better jawline". I am not surprised you snapped back - if he dishes it out he can take it.

That was my thought, I didn’t want to sound mean because I think that she probably looks great at that weight and I think it’s a healthy weight. But, at almost 11st she isn’t likely to be gaunt looking is she? I think it’s okay to have a preference but telling her she looks old is cruel.

Lamentingalways · 08/01/2026 09:55

OtterlyAstounding · 08/01/2026 02:16

What scientific study shows that??

Studies I've seen show that losing a good deal of weight quickly may make you look older temporarily, as your skin may need time to adjust to the rapid volume loss. They also show that being too thin can make you look older in middle age and beyond. But being an ideal, healthy weight isn't 'too thin', and at OP's height, 'too thin' according to the NHS would be anything under 8 stone 10.

Also, I think it's pretty mean of her 'D'H to keep on at her being 'too thin', when she's made the change for her health and objectively isn't too thin, and then when she asked for reassurance, told her she was less desirable to him now, and looked older. What she chose to say in response was pretty harsh, but he's the one who couldn't keep his mouth shut and be supportive of her.

Show quote history

She doesn’t have any studies to show you. People just write shite like that to sound important and like they know what they’re talking about. It doesn’t even matter, saying someone looks old is mean and he’s probably just upset that she now is likely to attract more men (ones without a one inch penis 😂)

Teddleshon1 · 08/01/2026 10:12

Of course it’s a healthy weight and one at which she’s highly unlikely to look gaunt at.

Blushingm · 08/01/2026 10:40

You asked his honest opinion.

You didn’t like his honest answer so you were really mean to him

ScribblingPixie · 08/01/2026 10:52

Blushingm · 08/01/2026 10:40

You asked his honest opinion.

You didn’t like his honest answer so you were really mean to him

"Last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive."

Is it ok for a man to "keep on about" their partner being too thin, too fat, too scruffy, too made-up, too whatever for their taste? I don't think so - unless they don't mind hearing similar back in an "honest" conversation and watch their relationship deteriorate as a consequence.

Italiangreyhound · 08/01/2026 10:53

Let's be really whether the op asked for an honest answer or not, I am sure she does not look gaunt!

I think apologies all round and moving on.

He sounds jealous of weight loss and so do.lots of people posting on here!

JumpingJiminy · 08/01/2026 10:54

Blushingm · 08/01/2026 10:40

You asked his honest opinion.

You didn’t like his honest answer so you were really mean to him

No she didn't.

He went on about her being thin.

She asked if he still found her attractive.

He said not as much as before.

He then told her she looked older.

She didn't ask for his opinion about her weight, about being thin, or about how old she looked.

Lamentingalways · 08/01/2026 10:55

Teddleshon1 · 08/01/2026 10:12

Of course it’s a healthy weight and one at which she’s highly unlikely to look gaunt at.

You would have to be 6ft to look gaunt at almost 11stone! And he met her when she was only one stone heavier. There’s more to this - likely jealousy.

My OH is a pri%# and when I lost weight he didn’t comment once on it, I asked him if he could tell I had lost weight (at the 5 stone mark!!!!) and he said ‘it’s hard when you see someone every day’ haha come off it, it might be hard but you can see 5 stone has gone! It was pure jealousy. Funnily he has been very attentive and affectionate (something I begged for for 10 years) since this weight loss. I wonder why? Men are pathetic.

omggggggg · 08/01/2026 14:01

Lamentingalways · 08/01/2026 10:55

You would have to be 6ft to look gaunt at almost 11stone! And he met her when she was only one stone heavier. There’s more to this - likely jealousy.

My OH is a pri%# and when I lost weight he didn’t comment once on it, I asked him if he could tell I had lost weight (at the 5 stone mark!!!!) and he said ‘it’s hard when you see someone every day’ haha come off it, it might be hard but you can see 5 stone has gone! It was pure jealousy. Funnily he has been very attentive and affectionate (something I begged for for 10 years) since this weight loss. I wonder why? Men are pathetic.

Show quote history

Sounds like you should split up if that’s how you treat and talk about each other.

Lamentingalways · 08/01/2026 14:07

omggggggg · 08/01/2026 14:01

Sounds like you should split up if that’s how you treat and talk about each other.

Show quote history

I can’t get rid of him. It’s not as easy as you might think. But you’re right, I despise him.

Gymnopedie · 08/01/2026 14:34

The OP hasn't been back since she first posted. I suspect she expected us all to clap and cheer and tell her she was brilliant and what an amazing retort it was.

The debate about him going on about her weight is irrelevant. There are other ways she could have responded. But what she said there is no coming back from, 'I didn't mean it, I was angry' isn't going to cut it - that she even knew the word chode suggests this might be something that she does actually think. (It's been an education for the majority of us.) So I can't see him ever getting over it and ultimately it will be the end.

pilates · 08/01/2026 14:39

^
100%

LLJETO · 08/01/2026 14:46

Gymnopedie · 08/01/2026 14:34

The OP hasn't been back since she first posted. I suspect she expected us all to clap and cheer and tell her she was brilliant and what an amazing retort it was.

The debate about him going on about her weight is irrelevant. There are other ways she could have responded. But what she said there is no coming back from, 'I didn't mean it, I was angry' isn't going to cut it - that she even knew the word chode suggests this might be something that she does actually think. (It's been an education for the majority of us.) So I can't see him ever getting over it and ultimately it will be the end.

The debate about him going on about her weight is irrelevant.

It’s VERY relevant. Stop making excuses for her husband.

Aluna · 08/01/2026 14:47

Gymnopedie · 08/01/2026 14:34

The OP hasn't been back since she first posted. I suspect she expected us all to clap and cheer and tell her she was brilliant and what an amazing retort it was.

The debate about him going on about her weight is irrelevant. There are other ways she could have responded. But what she said there is no coming back from, 'I didn't mean it, I was angry' isn't going to cut it - that she even knew the word chode suggests this might be something that she does actually think. (It's been an education for the majority of us.) So I can't see him ever getting over it and ultimately it will be the end.

There’s no coming back from “going on” to your wife she’s too thin, less sexy and looks old.

Of course what he said is not irrelevant - there a million other things he could have said - absolutely no need to insult her appearance,

Interesting how many women gleefully want this to be the end of the relationship. How bitter would have to be to think like that.

Megifer · 08/01/2026 14:53

Gymnopedie · 08/01/2026 14:34

The OP hasn't been back since she first posted. I suspect she expected us all to clap and cheer and tell her she was brilliant and what an amazing retort it was.

The debate about him going on about her weight is irrelevant. There are other ways she could have responded. But what she said there is no coming back from, 'I didn't mean it, I was angry' isn't going to cut it - that she even knew the word chode suggests this might be something that she does actually think. (It's been an education for the majority of us.) So I can't see him ever getting over it and ultimately it will be the end.

I cant see op getting over him banging on at her about how she looks very normal too thin, not as sexy, only "not unattractive" to him, older, and how he preferred it when her health was at significant risk.

He found out what happens when youre a horrible bastard. If he can't take it then he shouldn't dish it out 🤷‍♀️ tough shit for him and his micro-peen.

CraftyBalonz · 08/01/2026 15:04

Even teenagers manage better insults that the posters stuck with "micro-penis" as the worst insult they can think 😂

Gymnopedie · 08/01/2026 15:13

@LLJETO @Aluna @Megifer

I am not at all condoning what he did. OP will find it hard to get over what he said. He should have kept his mouth shut and he deserved to be put firmly back in his box. But what OP said can never be unheard either. And there are no shades of grey about her words. She could have said any number of things, but what she chose to say is so personal and cutting that there is no way back from it.