Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

^^ this - you got a truthful answer that you didn’t like- then went out of your way to be hurtful

Sorry OP, you were mean.

Op, I’m 5ft 8in and after 15 months on Mounjaro now a very slim 12st 10lbs. I’m still way above my upper BMI but I decided to ignore that a long time ago because if paid any attention to it I’d be like a skeleton.

I think you could have both been nicer to each other. What the DH has said is probably true but it’s a very rude thing to say. It’s best not to ask a question unless you’re really prepared for the answer.

There’s a lady at my aqua class who has lost a similar amount of weight and does look a lot older and not as pretty but she’s so much healthier now and her knees don’t hurt anymore.

😂

Oh blimey op, that was a mean thing to say. It’s not like his knob has changed or going to change through a long relationship either, unlike your weight he has no say in it. You need to be apologising profusely and hoping he can get past it.

She asked her DH a question hence the row and she’s now asked us a question… so yes OP did ask

Oh dear, yes, I'm sure someone's already said this, I'm still on the first page and probably don't have time to read the whole thread but a chode is a penis wider than it is long

Well he might be now.

OP was raging because he insulted her appearance.

I don’t see the difference between venom and crass negativity.

Why are men are allowed to insult women’s appearance and they just have to suck it up?

“He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage.”

TBH many people who lose a lot of weight on the jabs do end looking quite drawn in the face and often they do look older.

I understand your concern about blood pressure etc and your desire to lose weight. But it’s possible he’s also concerned that you’re looking unhealthily thin, it’s also possible that he genuinely preferred how you looked when you were a bit more curvy- you did ask about that , he didn’t just say it unprompted.

That was a bit much.

generally slimmer people tend to look older and if you’ve lost 5 stone in 6 months your skin will still be adjusting.

next time don’t ask. I do think your partner should be able to be gently honest when asked about your appearance. The line is very delicate.

obviously he was too honest and you over escalated!

DH wasn’t intentionally being mean, he was just being honest, you went out your way to to be mean and hurtful so yes you crossed a line and were massively unreasonable

Id be more concerned about the stare of your relationship if throwing abuse around like that is regular and needing to ask and hunt for compliments?!

I wonder if he’s secretly upset about the cost of WLI. I know several couples where one has started Mounjaro and after a while this has become a bone of contention.

No. He told her she looked too thin. And that triggered as much of a row as the DH of any poster on this thread telling them they look too fat.

You're the slimmest he's ever known you, he has no way of knowing if you want to keep losing weight, he's not wrong to tell you that you're getting too thin.

You lose 6 stones in 5 months?

It's more than possible that you are not looking your best, you keep pushing, it tells you the truth, and frankly looking older is not the worst comment, likely very accurate.

You were completely out of order with your comment. Why are you so angry? You should be over the moon you lost so much so quickly, why the rage? He touched a nerve?

Yes he did mention she looked to thin but still went on to ask a question

Agreed

Why are posters talking about the OP like she’s become scrawny? She’s a perfectly lovely weight and I’m sure she looks great with her tall, slim figure. He’s just pissed off because he’s worried that other men will fancy her.

No, she didn’t have to suck it up at all. She could have said “When you say that, it really hurts my feelings, do you want to try again?” or “I hear what you are saying, but I feel so much better, so don’t plan to add any more back on.” Or “I’m not sure if you mean it to be, but I feel like you are trying to sabotage something important to me with comments like that. Do you want to talk about it?”

Chode is hilarious but maybe a bit far.

You asked a question and he answered and you got offended by it which is your right obviously but you absolutely shouldn't of ripped into him like you did and im sorry but you went too far. He commented on something you are able to change, you ripped into something he cant.

I guess you followed the advice of the mean girl mafia on social media and thought it was a good comeback... it wasnt.

Ever met a man with a penis size complex? They get that complex from horrible girls like you. Yes I said girls because a grown woman should know better.

Presumably he didn't have a 10 inch penis when you met him, so he hasn't changed any goal posts.
This ^ We can't help what we find desirable and you asked for his honest opinion.

I think you crossed a line , and your sex life is going to pay the price for it ..

If these are the sorts of things you are prepared to say to each other when you disagree then your relationship is probably circling the drain anyway