Incognito job description (lighthearted)

[jacquec]

I don't like to divulge my occupation openly and instead describe it in a, technically accurate, but unrelated sounding way. Whether you actually do this or not, I thought it'd be interesting to see how people would describe their job if they had to make it sound different, and whether we could guess what the real occupation was from said description.

Mine is that I work with candles.

English to English translation.

I ask politely for money 🙂

I push sliders up and down, for peoples entertainment.

I talk to accountants and tax advisors all day

Yes. Truth is I only grow the grapes. They then get collected by the winemakers who take them away and do the rest. It is two small areas of land, too small to be commercial. I get a bit of pocket money.

HMRC Helpline Agent Services?

I deal with a lot of bodily fluids

Haha! Doesn't this sum up 80% of jobs

Marine surveying. Not that exciting, but it really annoys the fish

DJ/radio of some kind.

I wonder if @TheDogsMother works in a related sort of media thing.

I explain things to people who then explain them to you.

@Outdamnspot23 If only it was that exciting 🤣

LOL definitely not any of those things!

I stalk people

Hmm. I wonder if we do the same thing.

I deal drugs internationally.

In theory, I give people surprising things to do so they can do more of what they actually want to do.

In reality, I sit in front of my laptop and laugh a lot.

I take children from their parents, take them to the woods and let them make fires and throw deadly weapons.

I correct people’s spelling and grammar and they don’t mind.

Despite having only given birth once, I have more than 20 children!

You are a fish tickler.

You are a cocaine smuggler.

I cut people open, remove, and then replace small body parts with metal and other man made materials. All while the people are awake.

You are a vampire.

You are a hacker, possibly specialising in ransomware and spybots.