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Original poster

Incognito job description (lighthearted)

294 replies

jacquec · 05/05/2023 15:14

I don't like to divulge my occupation openly and instead describe it in a, technically accurate, but unrelated sounding way. Whether you actually do this or not, I thought it'd be interesting to see how people would describe their job if they had to make it sound different, and whether we could guess what the real occupation was from said description.

Mine is that I work with candles.

OP posts:
JustMyOnion · 07/05/2023 14:13

I speak to grown ups who regularly have massive twatty tantrums because little Jonny has thrown up and you need to come and get him and keep him away for 48 hours.

mogtheexcellent · 07/05/2023 14:13

I stare at walls

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 14:22

JustMyOnion · 07/05/2023 14:13

I speak to grown ups who regularly have massive twatty tantrums because little Jonny has thrown up and you need to come and get him and keep him away for 48 hours.

Nursery worker or school nurse.

FlorAmarilla · 07/05/2023 14:29

I work in logistics, organising and moving large metal tubes

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/05/2023 14:38

I tell people stories

emwithme · 07/05/2023 14:55

I get annoyed about lack of receipts and argue about the amount of chocolate on a gingerbread man

shazkevincarrotlover · 07/05/2023 15:01

A calmer of nerves, hand holder, multi tasker, good sucker, cleaner, take certain body parts out & some times replace them.😇

AnnaZofia · 07/05/2023 15:11

I preserve the past for the future.

Penelope1703 · 07/05/2023 15:22

NoroWorrier · 06/05/2023 21:56

I hear people’s personal and private information and see their most important documents.

Sometimes I make copies of it all. And often show/talk about them with other people.

Solicitor

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 15:23

emwithme · 07/05/2023 14:55

I get annoyed about lack of receipts and argue about the amount of chocolate on a gingerbread man

Wait ..... there should be NO chocolate on a gingerbread man , just icing and some jellysweets .
My brain has slammed shut here at the thought !

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 15:25

shazkevincarrotlover · 07/05/2023 15:01

A calmer of nerves, hand holder, multi tasker, good sucker, cleaner, take certain body parts out & some times replace them.😇

dental technition/dental assistant

Penelope1703 · 07/05/2023 15:26

I ask all sorts of people nosey questions and listen to the answers to try to solve a problem with then. Sometimes I have to ask other people to ask more questions too. Mostly people don't like spending time with me.

Penelope1703 · 07/05/2023 15:27

shazkevincarrotlover · 07/05/2023 15:01

A calmer of nerves, hand holder, multi tasker, good sucker, cleaner, take certain body parts out & some times replace them.😇

Dental nurse

Chatillon · 07/05/2023 15:28

AnnaZofia · 07/05/2023 15:11

I preserve the past for the future.

You are the person who works in the local stables who bags up horse manure for £1 a bag to produce tomorrow's tomatoes and roses.!!!

Don't tell me I am wrong.

AnnaZofia · 07/05/2023 15:30

Chatillon · 07/05/2023 15:28

You are the person who works in the local stables who bags up horse manure for £1 a bag to produce tomorrow's tomatoes and roses.!!!

Don't tell me I am wrong.

Show quote history

Ha ha ha! Very, very far from the truth but a great guess!

MarsDestroyerOfWorlds · 07/05/2023 15:34

I search for ways to bring railways to a standstill.

Mincepiemouse · 07/05/2023 15:40

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:43

Speech and language children's therapist

Show quote history

Yes,I've lost count of the number of times I've played Pop up pirate 😁

SocialLite · 07/05/2023 15:51

Mine isn't good, but my husband does a lot of modelling which people then pay to watch on a well known website.

SocialLite · 07/05/2023 16:08

butterfly990 · 05/05/2023 17:02

I scrub hammers, drills , funny shaped metal objects,and sharp pointy things and then put them in giant dish washers. I then package everything and then put them in massive ovens.

This is so that the people that cut, hammer and poke people can do it all safely.

Either I know you well, or everyone in your industry describes that the same way!

ChimChimeny · 07/05/2023 16:17

AlwaysFeedingBabies · 07/05/2023 07:28

Sorry I meant this one. NPD or buyer

Show quote history

Yes sandwich buyer 😋

shazkevincarrotlover · 07/05/2023 16:35

calmer of nerves, hand holder, multi tasker, good sucker, cleaner, take certain body parts out & some times replace them.😇
dental technition/dental assistant

I clearly need to find a more criptive explanation 😆

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 07/05/2023 16:40

WonkyFeelings · 05/05/2023 15:33

People pay for me to stab them.

Tattoo artist?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 07/05/2023 16:42

SatsumaSplit · 06/05/2023 03:43

I draw pictures and then organise them.

Architect?

ShanaRose · 07/05/2023 17:13

Language teacher?

ShanaRose · 07/05/2023 17:15

BatildaB · 05/05/2023 15:30

I ask people what things are called

Language teacher?