Incognito job description (lighthearted)

[jacquec]

I don't like to divulge my occupation openly and instead describe it in a, technically accurate, but unrelated sounding way. Whether you actually do this or not, I thought it'd be interesting to see how people would describe their job if they had to make it sound different, and whether we could guess what the real occupation was from said description.

Mine is that I work with candles.

Satanist priest.

I annoy fish

I find people with lots of money - who then pay me lots of money - to find other people who want lots of money.

I watch young people doing stressful and important things.

Working in Lyon’s bakery described as working with lions.

I speak with people all day about a Chelsea tractor much hated on here

I squash fruit then let it go mouldy and transfer it to people in return for money.

I ask people what things are called

I spend time perusing government websites.

People pay for me to stab them.

Wine? @Chatillon

Continuous spending in the unlikely (but probably unwanted) event of a big payout

I work in public health.

Snap.. with the added excitement of then completing forms on said website.

I read about problems in people's lives and tell other people how to help the people with the problems.

I input all of this into a computer so that when the people with the problems complain about the people who help them with the problems I get to explain why this happened.

I give the people who are helping the people with the problems timescales for tasks to help the people with the problems.

Aesthetics of some kind?

I work to limit climate change and environmental damage.

I'm very nosey about people. I then share that information with other people for money.

I play with spreadsheets

Truly baffled. This will annoy me all weekend if you don't tell me.

Got to be market research?

Sorry, no 😂

I spend most of my working day handling items I'd like to take on holiday with me and quite frequently do

@jacquec That's a good guess but it's not me.

I meet people, mostly men, but sometimes women, for a chat.

Then they get me to dress up so they can show me their equipment.

I scrub hammers, drills , funny shaped metal objects,and sharp pointy things and then put them in giant dish washers. I then package everything and then put them in massive ovens.

This is so that the people that cut, hammer and poke people can do it all safely.