Incognito job description (lighthearted)

[jacquec]

I don't like to divulge my occupation openly and instead describe it in a, technically accurate, but unrelated sounding way. Whether you actually do this or not, I thought it'd be interesting to see how people would describe their job if they had to make it sound different, and whether we could guess what the real occupation was from said description.

Mine is that I work with candles.

I pick fights with water.

Lifeguard?

That’s my job too!

Nope, I definitely want them to start new relationships - and with as many people as possible...

Ooh, we may work in a similar job or environment

@WonkyFeelings nrtft but acupuncturist?

Sterile services ?

Yup!

I see people who love other people. Sometimes they are happy, sometimes they are sad.

Registrar or Celebrant?

I provide care to people who nobody wants to provide care to

Social worker?

Social worker?

Needapaddlock spot on.

HR?

You have to quote the post you are guessing. I think we have the same post in mind but you first.

Oh wow! Thanks! Been a lurker for years 😂

HR!?

Pimp?

This feels like HR to me, especially the bit about being wise and caring but being neither of those.

Sorry but I don't trust HR.

I tell people they have forgotten something, and stand with a smile on my face while they shout at me and insult me.

I hear people’s personal and private information and see their most important documents.

Sometimes I make copies of it all. And often show/talk about them with other people.

Yep, social work manager!

I get paid a good wage to financially assess the most vulnerable to decide how much of their well earned cash they have to pay towards being cared for. In other words I’m an arsehole.

I encourage children to look at marked dead trees while hallucinating vividly.......