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Original poster

Incognito job description (lighthearted)

294 replies

jacquec · 05/05/2023 15:14

I don't like to divulge my occupation openly and instead describe it in a, technically accurate, but unrelated sounding way. Whether you actually do this or not, I thought it'd be interesting to see how people would describe their job if they had to make it sound different, and whether we could guess what the real occupation was from said description.

Mine is that I work with candles.

OP posts:
WhoToBeToday · 07/05/2023 10:14

NCgoingdry · 05/05/2023 15:19

I find people with lots of money - who then pay me lots of money - to find other people who want lots of money.

Recruitment consultant

WhoToBeToday · 07/05/2023 10:15

coxesorangepippin · 05/05/2023 15:36

Continuous spending in the unlikely (but probably unwanted) event of a big payout

Something to do with life insurance?

Mincepiemouse · 07/05/2023 10:16

Children talk back at me while we play games

WhoToBeToday · 07/05/2023 10:17

FavouriteNuts · 07/05/2023 08:55

My DH once had a job shouting numbers at people. Sometimes they would shout back at him. Sometimes the shouters got money.

Bingo caller

ASGIRC · 07/05/2023 10:21

SpikyHatePotato · 07/05/2023 08:08

I sit in the dark and tell other people what to do.

I think I work in the same business as @ASGIRC.

I have been told what to do by people in the dark quite a lot! In fact most of my work is done in the dark.

FavouriteNuts · 07/05/2023 10:37

WhoToBeToday · 07/05/2023 10:17

Bingo caller

Show quote history

Indeed. Or should I say 'bingo!'.

whataballbag · 07/05/2023 10:48

@Teapotmonkey nope.

Another clue is that when I'm the one doing the helping, you hope you never need to speak to me for help.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 07/05/2023 11:37

TheresAFairyOnMyLightSwitch · 07/05/2023 09:02

Nope.

Clue:
I ask them about their bathroom, sleeping and eating habits as well their day to day

Occupational therapy home adaptations?

Fridayyesterday · 07/05/2023 11:47

NancyJoan · 07/05/2023 06:39

I encourage people to spend thousands each year on something theycould get for free.

Admissions Officer for a private/independent school?

Fridayyesterday · 07/05/2023 11:52

MissingMoominMamma · 07/05/2023 03:05

I run around a lot; sing; write using many different mediums and use the phrase, “That’s not food” quite often.

You work with under 5s: 3-4 year olds for writing and younger ones for “that’s not food” eg nursery worker?

TheresAFairyOnMyLightSwitch · 07/05/2023 12:09

Yes spot on! X

Toothfairy88 · 07/05/2023 13:07

I’m an expert in all things oral 😉

Chatillon · 07/05/2023 13:38

Toothfairy88 · 07/05/2023 13:07

I’m an expert in all things oral 😉

Hi class hooker?

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:43

Mincepiemouse · 07/05/2023 10:16

Children talk back at me while we play games

Speech and language children's therapist

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:44

Fridayyesterday · 07/05/2023 11:47

Admissions Officer for a private/independent school?

Show quote history

Or selling private medical insurance

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:45

Toothfairy88 · 07/05/2023 13:07

I’m an expert in all things oral 😉

Dentist or ENT specialist

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:47

Louise295 · 07/05/2023 09:13

I spend millions of pounds a year of someone else’s money

Socialist

hereiamagainn · 07/05/2023 13:47

I find out who’s to blame for children’s problems.

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 13:49

StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/05/2023 07:30

This thread is GOLD.

I spend all day trying to persuade other people I work with to do things differently, who don't want to do things differently, because it makes it harder to do their job.

Change management?

Toothfairy88 · 07/05/2023 13:52

id probably be paid more if I was 🤣

tailinthejam · 07/05/2023 14:00

Mostar · 05/05/2023 18:54

You are a hacker, possibly specialising in ransomware and spybots.

Show quote history

Haha - nope. I dig around looking for things that aren't what they seem on the Companies House website.

DottyDry · 07/05/2023 14:06

I use a massive magnet 30k x stronger than the earth's magnetic field to disrupt people's atoms.

Meezer2 · 07/05/2023 14:07

Theatre trolley dolly

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 14:08

tailinthejam · 07/05/2023 14:00

Haha - nope. I dig around looking for things that aren't what they seem on the Companies House website.

Show quote history

Do you work in anti-moneylaundering compliance?

blueshoes · 07/05/2023 14:09

DottyDry · 07/05/2023 14:06

I use a massive magnet 30k x stronger than the earth's magnetic field to disrupt people's atoms.

Radiographer or x-ray technician