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Original poster

I’m watching an affair unfold in front of me.

324 replies

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 09:17

I don’t usually notice this stuff. I won’t be saying a word to anyone. But I can see an affair going on. It’s a neighbour of mine.

I’m seeing him with the OW more and more. She’s a friend of a friend (hence I notice her) very attractive. I’ve just seen them in the coffee shop together now.

I feel sad for my lady neighbour. I can see that even if something hasn’t actually happened (because how would I know) her H sees this OW is a lot, I see them together most days now, neighbour is a teacher. I do an early school run so see her leave. Each morning I see her H and OW walking together when I get back. It’s entirely coincidental my timings match.

I won’t say a word, but I can see it in front of me, body language has changed over time between them.

im only putting it here because I won’t be saying a word as I can’t know for sure. But I strongly suspect. It’s not something that would bother me, just I’m seeing it out of no choice of mine unfold in front of me.

OP posts:
Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 09:20

Well if they're walking together every day and going to local coffee shop they will probably get discovered sooner rather than later the bloody idiots.

That's assuming they are having an affair - you really don't know if this is the case, his wife could know about their friendship.

ImAvingOops · 23/03/2023 09:29

That's really horrible. Bad enough to cheat but not even bothering to be a bit discreet is awful.
I know this makes me a total busybody but I wouldn't be able to stop myself from making a couple of pointed remarks to let him know his behaviour hasn't gone unnoticed - if you've seen them, you can get other people have too!
It's terrible for the poor wife to have other people gossiping behind her back and being the last to know.

Markasread · 23/03/2023 09:33

I think I would bump into them say something to them along the lines of always seeing them together. It might be enough to make him question what he really wants.

Original poster
AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 09:36

I’m not saying a word to anyone. I can’t they live a few doors down. And as PP said I can’t be 100% sure, but it’s a daily walk/coffee. Well Monday to Friday. This morning I was in the coffee shop. They were very close to each other. Not touching but I’d say 2-3 inches between them. Totally immersed in conversation. The friend of a friend didn’t see me. It was like they could only see each other. I can’t say a word. His W is lovely.

lots of kids between them. Like I said I can’t be sure but I’m pretty observant and I’ve been watching this now for a while, as the mornings have got lighter it’s even clearer.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 23/03/2023 09:37

She may already know

I don't assume anything about anyone by what I see or notice

Yes I am sure there will be people who will charge around and tell thr wife or have a go at the husband or even the 'OW' but I would feel they would be doing it to make themselves feel better

Original poster
AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 09:38

He’s lovely! The OW is lovely!! I know them all, I think it’s just like evolved. I’ve seen it day after day.

OP posts:
MarchMadness23 · 23/03/2023 09:38

It sounds like a chapter of a book? Question is, is it a murder mystery or what?

ivdont think confronting them will help because they'll surely just start walking elsewhere & going to a different cafe. Mind you, they have an empty house & they're out walking & having coffee??

it's either not an affair or it's live not sex.

poor wife.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 23/03/2023 09:39

Hell I did the school run with my friend's dh for years. Sometimes a coffee. When I was pregnant people asked him for updates! Def def never crossed any lines...

gamerchick · 23/03/2023 09:39

I'd be asking him how his wife is doing me. Put the shits up him if he is

flowerbob · 23/03/2023 09:41

This is what happened with my ex-DH and his AP. Both married with kids, he started offering to do the school run more often, was "working from home", more often and spending lunch hours in Costa. Like you, other people who knew them/me noticed them being together more often and their body language changing over time. Luckily for me, although they found it hard to broach the subject with me, they did tell me and I managed to catch him.

Badger1970 · 23/03/2023 09:48

It is very obvious when people are intimate with each other.

Even though they're convinced that they're fooling everyone Hmm

clocktock · 23/03/2023 09:51

Bloody hell my dh meets his best mate (female) for lunch as they work close by each other nearly everyday. She's going with him to the opticians later to help him choose glasses (last time he chose awful ones that didn't suit him). They also have the odd day off to do their hobby together. Doesn't mean he's boffing her lol.

Lostmarblesfinder · 23/03/2023 09:51

I was out one night at a group event and I was sitting and chatting to two acquaintances in a bar. One of them was my coach and I knew him pretty well but I wouldn’t have known the woman as well and I wouldn’t have known the details of their family backgrounds. Everything about their behaviour gave me the impression they were a couple. Looks, flirty chat etc etc So I said to them at one point, just normally not in any way thinking anything about it, “oh I hadn’t realised that you guys are a couple?” The spluttering and denial and the talking about their respective husband and wife followed.

I was not shocked when it came out about a month later that they had been having an affair for years at that point. I got to play 3rd fiddle in their “date” that night 🙄

Snoken · 23/03/2023 09:52

This sounds like a column in a trashy magazine. They way you keep going on about not saying a word. A word about what? Two friends going for walks together and stopping for a coffee? If they were having an affair I am sure they would meet up somewhere their spouses and friends don't live. I think you have created this whole story in your head about them that might just not be true. It is possible to have friends who are the opposite sex, I know because I have them.

AthenaPopodopolous · 23/03/2023 09:56

Sounds exciting for them, a love affair. Well good luck to them. Hope the respective spouses don’t get hurt or the children. Happens all the time though. I suppose you just have to turn a blind eye OP.

Theamofm · 23/03/2023 10:01

I know people are saying they will get caught soon enough if they're so blatant about it but I disagree, sometimes people hide in plain sight. They make it seem normal and like a friendship so no one suspects.

First question doesn't he work? Why has he got all this free time through the day?

Secondly his wife may know all about it. Maybe the friend of a friend is going through something and he's helping her

Thirdly I don't think you have to tell his wife directly but I think it's obviously Playing on your mind so if I were you I'd just maybe say something in passing.

Like, "oh I say your hubby the other day in that coffee shop, will you ask him what it's like in there I've always wanted to try it?"

In these situations I'm a strong believer of not getting involved but a little comment like that may spark a chat with them. She may ask him about his days more or ask why he went for coffee and who with etc.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 23/03/2023 10:02

As an aside what does "AP" stand for? I know who it refers to but I can't work it out.

Sorry to intrude 🙂

MaryJean87 · 23/03/2023 10:05

You've got no proof anything is going on, even if it likely is. Mine your own business and stop being creepy.

saveforthat · 23/03/2023 10:07

CharlotteStreetW1 · 23/03/2023 10:02

As an aside what does "AP" stand for? I know who it refers to but I can't work it out.

Sorry to intrude 🙂

I'm guessing affair partner

Walterwhiteswifey · 23/03/2023 10:09

I have close male friends I go to coffee with, does that mean people think we are having an affair?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 23/03/2023 10:11

saveforthat · 23/03/2023 10:07

I'm guessing affair partner

Show quote history

Ah. Okay. Thanks.

OxygenthiefexH · 23/03/2023 10:12

My neighbour actually called me out for this. “I’ve seen you with XXX. He’s married. You know he is. He’s here rather a lot isn’t he?” Etc.

I let him go on and then asked if he thought I looked like my “lover”? And it was a beautiful moment when he realised this was actually my brother, a builder. Not that it was any of the neighbour’s business, the nosy dick.

Soakitup37 · 23/03/2023 10:12

Ofgs! It could be anything, literally anything. They could be supporting each other in a bereavement or traumatic time, they could be having an affair, the couple might be having a break and seeing other people legitimately, she could be an old friend, relative, etc etc…. You seem to know an awful lot about everyone involved and yet nothing at all.

I don’t know why you’d post about this, it’s none of your business, you have no plans to “expose”
what you know and you almost seem giddy at being aware of it as a secret.

Eastie77Returns · 23/03/2023 10:22

Walterwhiteswifey · 23/03/2023 10:09

I have close male friends I go to coffee with, does that mean people think we are having an affair?

If these people are like your average Mumsnetter then yes, you are definitely having an affair. If you are not sleeping with your male friends then at minimum it’s an Emotional Affair (which is just as bad or worse than a physical one apparently).

According to MN men and women cannot innocently be friends or share a hobby without it becoming an affair. If you find out your husband went for lunch with a female colleague you must start to gather evidence, contact a solicitor then LTB.

Any woman who is fine with her husband meeting a female friend is described disparagingly as a ‘cool wife’ on MN😂

Walterwhiteswifey · 23/03/2023 10:26

Eastie77Returns · 23/03/2023 10:22

If these people are like your average Mumsnetter then yes, you are definitely having an affair. If you are not sleeping with your male friends then at minimum it’s an Emotional Affair (which is just as bad or worse than a physical one apparently).

According to MN men and women cannot innocently be friends or share a hobby without it becoming an affair. If you find out your husband went for lunch with a female colleague you must start to gather evidence, contact a solicitor then LTB.

Any woman who is fine with her husband meeting a female friend is described disparagingly as a ‘cool wife’ on MN😂

Show quote history

Ahhh...now I know! Thanks for clearing that up for me 😁
I'm new here, can you tell?!