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Original poster

I’m watching an affair unfold in front of me.

324 replies

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 09:17

I don’t usually notice this stuff. I won’t be saying a word to anyone. But I can see an affair going on. It’s a neighbour of mine.

I’m seeing him with the OW more and more. She’s a friend of a friend (hence I notice her) very attractive. I’ve just seen them in the coffee shop together now.

I feel sad for my lady neighbour. I can see that even if something hasn’t actually happened (because how would I know) her H sees this OW is a lot, I see them together most days now, neighbour is a teacher. I do an early school run so see her leave. Each morning I see her H and OW walking together when I get back. It’s entirely coincidental my timings match.

I won’t say a word, but I can see it in front of me, body language has changed over time between them.

im only putting it here because I won’t be saying a word as I can’t know for sure. But I strongly suspect. It’s not something that would bother me, just I’m seeing it out of no choice of mine unfold in front of me.

OP posts:

EmotionalSupportWyrm · 23/03/2023 14:59

whirlyhead · 23/03/2023 10:44

We had several of my partners ex-girlfriends at our wedding. He has lots of female friends he goes out with (gigs etc) and meets up with for lunch. Some I know and some I don't.

One he sees quite a lot as she's his best mate (as well as an ex-girlfriend from about 30 years ago).

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Am I weird??

Not weird to me - my exH was the same, lots of female friends - he even went on holiday with one, I was totally OK with it and knew nothing was going on. He always liked the company of women.

When he did meet OW it was VERY different. Classic cheater behaviour, put a pin on his phone, started ironing his shirt before going to the hobby they shared, became a bit giddy with his cheerfulness. I knew straight away, and I guessed who it was within weeks.

I do think women and men can be good friends without it turning into anything else. I've had a male friend for as long as I've known exH - we were all students together. I'm sure lots of people thought we were "involved", but there was never anything, not even a spark. He's now returned to his original country to care for ageing relatives and I doubt he will return. I miss him as I would miss any friend who moved away.

Original poster

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 15:01

Soz on train home. This is 100% genuine, well my assumptions of what is going on are.

Its started or the very start. There is a strong mutual attraction between these two and I’m not intentionally watching them, I see them nearly every morning! Let’s hope they’re just buddies!

OP posts:

MysteryBelle · 23/03/2023 15:01

‘I won’t be saying a word’ ‘I won’t be saying a word’ ‘I won’t be saying a word’

3 times just in your first post.

ok just to us then LOL

MLMsuperfan · 23/03/2023 15:02

" Their entire bodies were turned towards each other."

Their entire. Bodies.

Case closed. No further questions your honour.

cornflakegeneration · 23/03/2023 15:09

dayswithaY · 23/03/2023 14:46

You have no idea what is going on between these two, and it’s none of your business. If, as has been suggested by some, you decide to start conversations with the neighbour about how you saw her husband out and about with some woman you will sound absolutely batshit.

In my experience (cheated on) nothing can stop this affair once the wheels are in motion. People are selfish and they believe they have a right to happiness, that’s how affairs flourish.

If they really are starting an affair, any intervention from you is pointless. Focus on your own life, leave them to it.

(I’m not condoning affairs, but this is a hard lesson I’ve learned).

All. Of. This.

I've actually been told by a friend that my boyfriend had cheated with one of her friends. I know she thought she was doing me a favour but I'd rather not have found out like that.

cornflakegeneration · 23/03/2023 15:09

midlander79 · 23/03/2023 14:46

The types of comments regarding platonic male/female friendships always have me wondering if bisexual people are never allowed any friends at all. Or if I'm not allowed any female friends (I'm a gay woman) 'cause I'll obviously be banging them...

Exactly. I always think this too.

cornflakegeneration · 23/03/2023 15:10

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 14:49

I’m not saying a thing to ANYONE but it’s happening in front of me and I’m posting on an anon forum.

You don't know that anything is happening.

Notamum12345577 · 23/03/2023 15:12

Really nice to see the trust there in your marriage. A lot of men/women would not like their OH having such a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 23/03/2023 15:13

cornflakegeneration · 23/03/2023 15:09

All. Of. This.

I've actually been told by a friend that my boyfriend had cheated with one of her friends. I know she thought she was doing me a favour but I'd rather not have found out like that.

Show quote history

How on earth else could you have been informed, & why do you think another method would be any less hurtful?

Very sorry you were cheated on though.

Notamum12345577 · 23/03/2023 15:15

Probably yes 😁

Lwrenagain · 23/03/2023 15:17

Eastie77Returns · 23/03/2023 11:39

Cool wife is one of my favourite Mumsnet phrases😂 In my mind, the cool wife is slim, attractive and effortlessly stylish. She giggles and laughs with male friends and other women regard her with great suspicion. She is the subject of gossip amongst other mums on the school run. Her DH is equally attractive.

Gosh I’m shocked your marriage survived that brazen behaviour with your DP’s best friend. Walks in the park and lunch?!😲

Show quote history

Poor DP was even left having to LOOK AFTER HIS OWN BABY whilst I was gallivanting away for 2 hours.
Such a hussy!

I imagine the cool wife to look like 90s Sadie Frost 🙈😂

Windbeneathmybingowings · 23/03/2023 15:17

I’d not be saying a word either. When I was 19 in my first job, I was sitting in the pub with my friends as teenagers do, when I saw my boss and the receptionist kissing in the car park. They came back in through the back door of the pub and walked straight in to me. They asked if I’d seen them and I said well… kind of I suppose…

the next day at work she and my boss threatened me with all the hearts I would break if I told anyone. I would have done anything not to have been involved in all that shit.

Laiste · 23/03/2023 15:19

I think you can tell by the body language if 2 people are sexually attracted to each other. Not 100% of the time obvs. But it sounds obvious with these 2.

I would have thought they would already be at the bedroom stage though, not the coffee shop stage still, by now.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 23/03/2023 15:20

If she didn't know they would be more secretive. They have maybe separated but can't afford to move out or if they have children living together for them. Or they have an open relationship.

ImAvingOops · 23/03/2023 15:29

I picture Sadie Frost too!!
Think it must be that Pulp video.

OP is getting a bashing but sometimes you can just see the chemistry and when you try to describe what they're doing, none of it is a specific thing you can put your finger on. And might be things that other people do with their friends, totally innocently. But you can just tell - it's in their whole body language.

GalileoHumpkins · 23/03/2023 15:31

Is this you OP? You seem way too invested in what these people are doing.

I’m watching an affair unfold in front of me.

Original poster

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 15:33

Look, I’m not invested. In a sense it’s unfolding in front of my eyes. How can I unsee it? I’m posting on here because I can’t tell anyone in RL. If I told DH he’d probably just not be interested. If I speak to school mum friends I’d be spreading gossip. It’s an anon forum and I can let out a bit of my inquisitiveness!

OP posts:

Original poster

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 15:34

There is an attraction, even if they’re just friends (which is likely) they’re spending a lot of time together.

OP posts:

Tiddler39 · 23/03/2023 15:42

Eastie77Returns · 23/03/2023 10:22

If these people are like your average Mumsnetter then yes, you are definitely having an affair. If you are not sleeping with your male friends then at minimum it’s an Emotional Affair (which is just as bad or worse than a physical one apparently).

According to MN men and women cannot innocently be friends or share a hobby without it becoming an affair. If you find out your husband went for lunch with a female colleague you must start to gather evidence, contact a solicitor then LTB.

Any woman who is fine with her husband meeting a female friend is described disparagingly as a ‘cool wife’ on MN😂

Show quote history

Don’t forget they have to get their ducks in a row… 😂

Perfectly possible you’re witnessing a friendship here OP.

I agree with PP at how gleeful she sounds.

Tiddler39 · 23/03/2023 15:42

If I told DH he’d probably just not be interested.

Good for him!

EthicalNonMahogany · 23/03/2023 15:44

You'd see my DH out with female friends locally, flirting, and that's because he would indeed be shagging them. I talk about our open marriage on here (tediously and incessantly haha) but my neighbours and the other school mums wouldn't know.

Having said that OP I believe your instincts, if you say that they are moving from more 'socially acceptable' contact to something closer. You have seen them over time, they may well be starting up an illicit affair. Or they may be OK with showing their interest in each other in public because they have spousal permission. You'll never know.

MysteryBelle · 23/03/2023 15:44

AnyoneElse1982 · 23/03/2023 15:33

In that case, go all in. Go into the cafe and sit near them. When one of them notices you, give them the evil eye and pretend to write something down on a pad of paper while stealing glances at them. Then stand up with a flourish and brush past them with purpose.

If they’re having an affair, they won’t meet at that cafe anymore and you’ll have your answer LOL

Courgeon · 23/03/2023 15:51

A lot of Mumsnet can't tolerate friendships or even interaction between straight men and women in any form and don't "allow" their partner to have female friends. I've seen posts about not engaging with dad's on the school run and judging women who do, ditto their partners aren't allowed to message or text female colleagues or give them lifts, any friendship is strongly discouraged. I don't care who my DH is friends with as long as they're a decent person and I have no interest in making friends with all his friends whether they're male or female. However I don't grant him a "pass" to go out either, he can go when he wants as long as he's engaged in family life. Most of his male friends need a "pass" from their wives to go to the pub and because I'm not bothered I get treated with suspicion by the wives. As if I'm letting the side down. It's bullshit.

Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 16:04

I imagine the cool wife to look like 90s Sadie Frost 🙈😂

Yes, cool Sadie - Who’s husband was cheating on her with the nanny!

MysteryBelle · 23/03/2023 16:06

Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 16:04

I imagine the cool wife to look like 90s Sadie Frost 🙈😂

Yes, cool Sadie - Who’s husband was cheating on her with the nanny!

Perfect 😂

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