I’m watching an affair unfold in front of me.

[AnyoneElse1982]

I don’t usually notice this stuff. I won’t be saying a word to anyone. But I can see an affair going on. It’s a neighbour of mine.

I’m seeing him with the OW more and more. She’s a friend of a friend (hence I notice her) very attractive. I’ve just seen them in the coffee shop together now.

I feel sad for my lady neighbour. I can see that even if something hasn’t actually happened (because how would I know) her H sees this OW is a lot, I see them together most days now, neighbour is a teacher. I do an early school run so see her leave. Each morning I see her H and OW walking together when I get back. It’s entirely coincidental my timings match.

I won’t say a word, but I can see it in front of me, body language has changed over time between them.

im only putting it here because I won’t be saying a word as I can’t know for sure. But I strongly suspect. It’s not something that would bother me, just I’m seeing it out of no choice of mine unfold in front of me.

Two adults of the opposite sex spending a lot of time together, of course they are shagging, the days of platonic relationships are long gone. Spending a lot of time with one individual always raises suspicion even same sex, because there is no taboo on being gay these days

The poor wife probably suspects something and if he is spending time in local cafes it’s only a matter of time before someone lets the cat out of the bag. It wouldn’t be me spilling the beans, the messenger is the first person to get shot

I don't really understand the point of your post. I don't mean that in a rude or disrespectful way - I just don't get why you're telling us.

All you seem to be doing is telling us you THINK someone is having an affair, but you won't be doing anything about it. Nor should you, as it's really not your business.

Isn't this just gossip?

Why didn’t you just say hi to them? It sounds like there’s not a lot going on at the moment and you’re looking for a bit of drama.

I used to walk to work with a friend (who I’d work with), we’d get coffee everyday at 1000, then would sometimes go for a drink together after. Completely platonic. But if people thought we were having an affair, I’m glad we spiced up their life for a bit!!

Days of platonic relationships are over? I have loads of platonic relationships. Actually all of my relationships are platonic as I am recently divorced. My best male friend I speak to daily, and see him most weekends usually at my house drinking cocktails and cooking. We have never been in a sexual relationship. It's quite possible to like spending time with someone without having the urge to rip their clothes off.

Snoken · Today 11:51 thats because none of your male acquaintances fancy you.

Are you 100% sure that they aren't cousins or old college friends or something, just meeting up innocently? It doesn't seem like the way to conduct a clandestine affair.

Errrr, yes surely that’s the point of a platonic relationship!!

Kranke

My issue was with this "the days of platonic relationships are long gone."

The point is that if a man is prepared to drink cocktails and cook on a regular basis with a "platonic female friend" he is either (i) gay; or (ii) absolutely does not fancy the platonic female friend on any level whatsoever and is so clear on that they know they never ever would.

Because generally speaking where testosterone is involved, even if he does not fancy that person, in the long run he is not going to devote all that time to speaking daily on the phone forever more and "seeing him most weekends usually at my house drinking cocktails and cooking".

Either that or the man in question is a monk or a eunuch.

If you think it’s an affair, it probably is. Like you said, don’t say a word, just quietly observe. Quite fascinating really.

A very similar situation is happening where I work. A woman is having an affair with a contractor. It's a very odd situation the contractor is aged 50s and my colleague is aged mid 20s. He has 5 kids and a wife. Apparently, he does 24 hour shifts (or goes to sleep with her after work) then goes home to his wife. I am sure it will all come out eventually

BabyST · Today 12:23

"It's a very odd situation the contractor is aged 50s and my colleague is aged mid 20s"

I wouldn't say that was odd. I would say it is a fairly common situation, millions of married men do this.

The most suspicious behaviour is the fact that the OP is observing her neighbour so closely that she has any idea at all about the timing of his movements and his supposed "chemistry" with another woman (having never interacted with them I presume). I couldn't tell you the first thing about my neighbours' movements or their "chemistry" with their friends. Add to this the weird hand-rubbing pleasure she seems to get out of observing them... I would feel immensely creeped out if I was the neighbour.

As for him and his friend it could be anything. When I worked in a particular area I met up with a male friend who worked on the next street over multiple times a week for lunch. We weren't shagging. People who WFH will often take their breaks with people who live near them and who are also free at the same time. You end up socialising regularly with people who have similar timetables and are geographically convenient.

Or they might be having an affair but you simply don't know. Stop stalking them!

All you can do is ignore them all and focus on your life.

It may not be very nice but you really shouldn't get involved esp if lady neighbour isn't a friend.

Pretty much standard behaviour in any large office, I would just keep out of it!

How do you know it's an affair?

I work with mainly men & have dome male friends and regularly go for coffee, lunch with some of them. We laugh, get on well & enjoy each others company. I'm not having an affair with any of them.

How do you know if it's a affair? Unlikely if so public.

@millymog11

I’m a bit confused with what you’re saying, but I think we are saying the same thing? Of course people have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, I have lots, so do all my friends. I wouldn’t spend every weekend with a friend of either sex as I have a family and work all week, so have little time. If I didn’t and my friend didn’t then maybe I’d spend more time with them regardless of sex.

I'm very disappointed that you missed adding a great MN saying to the wrong person - 'get all your ducks in a row', also sort your finances out, hide money etc etc.

I think I might have carried it on for a while with a few hugs and goodbye pecks just to drive him really nuts.

My BF is male and we are always out and about together when not working - walks, coffee etc and sometimes with our DPs too. Going by your standards, my neighbours probably all think we are having an affair too and maybe that we are swingers if we are all out together... 😂

"I think if I had a lovely neighbour and saw her DH potentially playing away on a regular basis I'd probably take pictures of them being very close, print them and drop them and drop them through her door."

Jeez! That would be a very shitty thing to do.

I also don't understand why the OP has created this post.

She says she does not intend to tell the wife and she is not seeking advice. What, then, is the point of the post unless she's keen to share her vicarious pleasure (for want of a better description) at having observed what she assumes is an affair. It really is none of her business why these two individuals are meeting so regularly.

Im happily married with four kids and A lovely couple with three kids moved into our neighborhood and myself and the guy went for a few drinks to our local twice and started the rumor mill going but soon everyone had found out he is my closest cousin and one of my best friends my whole life 🤣 people have little to be doing sometimes but maybe they are having an affair and if so I hope they get caught

@millymog11 I just think there is a big age gap

If they are indeed having an affair, would they not be going somewhere to have set? In his empty house, a hotel? Not out together in the local coffee shop?

Sex*