My vibrator has disappeared…

[Ummmwhereisit]

Name changed for this because vibrators.

I’m home alone and was about to indulge in a spot of alone time before having a quick nap.

My vibrator is not in the hidden box in my bedside drawer as usual. I have absolutely no idea where it is. I’ve searched my partners bedside drawer and it’s not there either. I use it infrequently so can’t recall when I had it last but I’m 99.99% certain it will have gone back in the box that it always does… it’s an old box for something unrelated, think iPhone type, with an insert in and the vibrator sits neatly underneath so even if someone were to open the drawer and get as far as opening the box they wouldn’t necessarily know it was there. Obviously partner knew.

We had a few days away last week and both the cleaner and my parents had keys for the house. I was away last night and am not long home.

Where the fuck is it and who the fuck has moved it?

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It’s gone straight in the bin anyway. And I’m now researching lock boxes.

@Ummmwhereisit This exact thing has happened to me (along with a few other weird but not quite so personal items).

I have a suspicion that my cleaner (who sometimes brings a helper cleaner - so could be either) has kleptomania. Very hard to prove though.

If you have a cleaner, DM me your location as surely there can't be two cleaners half-inching vibrators...

Did your cleaner find it in the bed?

I remember finding my mums when I was a kid and I was that disgusted I threw it down the drain.

Tbh, when I was younger, I’d have probably hidden it as a joke !

It was 100% your younger DC who took it out of curiosity/revulsion/taboo value and then panicked and broke it/tried to hide it.

My sister had the same thing happen to her once . Turned out her young son had taken it to school for “Show and Tell “

@hawkinspawkins no that wouldn’t have been possible. I don’t know exactly when it was last used but it wasn’t the night before we went on holiday for definite.

I’m in the NW and the cleaners first name begins with D 👀

I just can’t imagine it is her but again, who the fuck else would it be. I don’t like to think it is anyone I know. But then that would mean a stranger has been in my room poking through my stuff which is even worse. Is it? Fuck knows.

My most popular ever mumsnet post and it’s about a missing bloody dildo under a pseudonym. Are they interchangeable names for the same thing? 🤔

@Nervousdad2020 down the drain?! 😂

Just need to go back for a moment to the person who has a vibrator that can be mistaken for a whisk. What the frig are you doing to your vajeen in the name of fun!! A whisk?! 😂

My moneys on the cleaner!!

Yes!! I was mortified 🤣

It wasn’t me…honest.

I was once walking along a very remote, almost desolate part of coast on one of the Hebrides, when I happened upon an enormous black dildo.
Maybe that’s where yours is op?

Feel free to share which lock box you get as this has made me very paranoid

@Grandmum1

My sister had the same thing happen to her once . Turned out her young son had taken it to school for “Show and Tell “

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 Bet the teacher was surprised!!

As a teen I definitely went snooping around my mother's room.

Before I had my eyes lasered I’d often forget I was still wearing them. Probably not the case for you - just a suggestion

Ouch

I think you've left it out by accident and the cleaner has thrown it somewhere out of sight for you.

Pmsl

It’s your daughter! No doubt! She’s taken it, tried to replace it, and cocked up. She’s possibly ‘borrowing’ your toiletries too so that’s why she was in there (No judgement of teen by the way - normal, if not ideal, behaviour).
I just can not see a grown woman employed to work for you doing something so obvious.
Anyway, bins the best course of action- a good excuse for a fancy upgrade! 🐇

Maybe your mum found it and threw it away haha. Seems odd but can you ask her or would that be too uncomfortable. Get some flyers printed up and around the area that should give the neighbour's something to talk about.
I

I would leave the tin you found it in on a counter in the kitchen and watch the reaction of your kids and cleaner when they see it 😂Am glad you found it though !!

I'm fairly sure it fell somewhere eg. Under bed and cleaner discovered it cleaning and thought she'd put it in the first suitable box. If the cleaner had used it 🤮 then I'm sure she would have put it back where she found it, not another location.

My money is on one of your dcs.

They found it, removed it , then tried to return it but forgot where it came from.

If it was in a box similar to an iPhone then they would definitely have had a poke around.

I know my kids poke around my room as they have read my old diary (teenage) that I hid in a drawer in my room!