The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone

There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

And the last line. See that mountain? That's like a mountain is that mountain! You can't compare a mountain to a mountain unless you're talking about some kind of geological features, in which case a bland-rock song isn't the best place to do it.

Surely the most infuriating thing about Africa by Toto is the fact that Kilimanjaro is nowhere near the Serengeti!

Ooh eeee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep...

whatever momma was up to last night I hope it was worth it ..

Showing my age here but can't believe that nobody has yet mentioned the Bay City Rollers...

We were rippin' up
We were rockin' up
Roll it over and lay it down
We were shakin' up
We were breakin' up
We were rockin' to the shang-a-lang sound of the music
Hey, hey, rockin' to the music
Hey, hey, rocking to the music
Rocking every night and day, hey hey
Well we sang shang-a-lang as we ran with the gang
Doin' doo wop be dooby do ay
We were all in the news
With our blue suede shoes
And our dancin' the night away

Lyrics awful, but what music!!!
Can still see my 9 year old self mesmerised by TOTP and thinking how cool a tartan suit looked

Yo, Big Shaq, the one and only
Man's not hot, never hot
Skrrat (GottiOnEm), skidi-kat-kat
Boom
Two plus two is four
Minus one that's three, quick maths

Makes me laugh everytime I hear it

@PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle

Showing my age here but can't believe that nobody has yet mentioned the Bay City Rollers...

We were rippin' up
We were rockin' up
Roll it over and lay it down
We were shakin' up
We were breakin' up
We were rockin' to the shang-a-lang sound of the music
Hey, hey, rockin' to the music
Hey, hey, rocking to the music
Rocking every night and day, hey hey
Well we sang shang-a-lang as we ran with the gang
Doin' doo wop be dooby do ay
We were all in the news
With our blue suede shoes
And our dancin' the night away

Lyrics awful, but what music!!!
Can still see my 9 year old self mesmerised by TOTP and thinking how cool a tartan suit looked

Those are fkn brilliant lyrics.

'Watermelon sugar high'

I'm Luke, I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce lee, he drives me round in his JCB

Nominations for best lyrics are ;
WOMANIZER Britney Spears
I NEED A DOLLAR Aloe Blacc
ALBATROSS Fleetwood Mac

And the winner is Fleetwood Mac

Solitary company? What the fuck is that. Whenever I want to be on my own I always take somebody with me? Does the singer also want some light darkness while he's there?

Maybe it was a euphemism for 'conducting himself in a solo symphony'?! Bit extreme to have to climb a mountain to do it, when he could just lock himself in the bathroom and set the taps running noisily

Free from desire:
My lovers got no money
He's got his strong beliefs
My lovers got no power
He's got his strong beliefs

Followed by UTTER NONSENSE. That song infuriates me all the more because I misheard strong beliefs as "trombelise" and assumed he was some kind of busking musician with a tambourine/trombone crossover and thought "well he's never going to make any money busking with one of those is he?"

I'm still annoyed at him and his stupid trombelise.

'Show the ferret to the egg' by Aldous Harding. In fact most of her lyrics are like tripping. I adore her.

Do you every feel like a plastic bag?

@KrakowDawn

Conversion, software version 7.0 Looking at life through the eyes of a tire hub Eating seeds is a pastime activity The toxicity of our city

Still love them though 💜 wonderfully weird

Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag

@DinasCopUniform

Life by Des'ree. Shockingly bad!

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm afraid of the dark,
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
Oh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail
I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
Life, doo, doot dooo
Doo, doot dooo
So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You want to fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo

Instantly thought of this. Weird verses that sound like a bored kid wrote them. Then the chorus! . Stupid song.

WAP - the whole song.

@JaneJeffer

Hey Ya!

The whole song does my head in.

One, two, three!
My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
This I know fo sho!
But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me walk out the door
Don't try to fight the feeling
Because the thought alone is killin' me right now
Thank God for Mom and Dad
For sticking to together
Like we don't know how
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
You think you've got it
Oh, you think you've got it
But got it just don't get it when there's nothin' at all
We get together
Oh, we get together
But separate's always better when there's feelings involved
Know what they say -its
Nothing lasts forever!
Then what makes it, then what makes it
Then what makes it, then what makes it
Then what makes love the exception?
So why, oh, why, oh
Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh
Are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here
Hey ya! (y'all don't want to here me, ya just want to dance) Hey ya!
Don't want to meet your daddy (oh ohh), just want you in my caddy (oh ohh)
Hey ya! (oh, oh!) Hey ya! (oh, oh!)
Don't want to meet your momma, just want to make you cum-a (oh, oh!)
I'm (oh, oh) I'm (oh, oh) I'm just being honest! (oh, oh)
I'm just being honest!
Hey! alright now! alright now, fellas!
Yea?
Now, what cooler than being cool?
Ice cold!
I can't hear ya! I say what's, what's cooler than being cool?
Ice cold!
Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright!
Okay, now ladies!
Yea?
Now we gonna break this thang down for just a few seconds
Now don't have me break this thang down for nothin'
I want to see you on your badest behavior!
Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!
Ah! Here we go now,
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Hey ya!
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, shake it, suga!
Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
Now all the Beyonce's, and Lucy Liu's, and baby dolls
Get on tha floor get on tha floor!
Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
Oh, you! oh, you!
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)

Sacrilege! This is the best song ever and 'shake it like a Polaroid picture' is one of my favourite lines ever which I sing to my dc who sadly don't get it and think I'm insane

Movin' to the country
Gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country
Gonna eat me a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country
Gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country
I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches
Peaches come from a can
They were put there by a man
In a factory downtown
If I had my little way
I'd eat peaches every day
Sun-soakin' bulges in the shade

@YesitsBess

Free from desire: My lovers got no money He's got his strong beliefs My lovers got no power He's got his strong beliefs

Followed by UTTER NONSENSE. That song infuriates me all the more because I misheard strong beliefs as "trombelise" and assumed he was some kind of busking musician with a tambourine/trombone crossover and thought "well he's never going to make any money busking with one of those is he?"

I'm still annoyed at him and his stupid trombelise.

Utter genius!

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag...

That last song OP has got to be a joke 😂

'All that she wants is another baby, she's gone tomorrow'

Hardly responsible parenting...

No
No
No, no
No
No
No, no
No
No

No, no
There's no lyrics limits

Take your seaside arms and write the next line

Abra abra cadabra
I wanna reach out and grab 'ya

I was v young when this was out but even as a kid i knew this man was no wordsmith.