The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone

There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

I also hate it - possibly even more - when somebody writes a really cracking song, but then has to completely spoil it with one dodgy, cringeworthy lyric line.

I love 'All 'Bout The Money' by Meja (the one who did Private Emotion with Ricky Martin), but there's one line of the chorus where I think the songwriters had a bit of a blockage, put in a placeholder nonsense bit, expecting to come back when they'd found the right phrase - and then just completely forget before publishing it! See if you can spot it....

It's all 'bout the money
It's all 'bout the dum dum diddle dum dum
I don't think It's funny
to see us fade away
It's all 'bout the money
It's all 'bout the dum dum diddle dum dum
and I think we got it all wrong anyway

Also, Neil Diamond's 'Play Me'. Beautiful, beautiful song except for:

Song she sang to me
Song she brang to me
Words that rang in me
Rhyme that sprang from me

I know it would have been ideal there if 'brang' was an actual word.... BUT IT ISN'T!!!

I now want brang to be a word.

Watermelon sugar...you did all know what HS is referring to didn't you?

😅

Most of Coldplay's.

It’s not “trombelise”???

I always thought it was that the liver had no money left because they'd spent it all on a luxury holiday:

"My lover's got no money
He's gone to Stromboli".

'When the light is off then it isn't on' - Hillary duff lol

Seconding or thirding the Hey Ya love. The whole point of the song is it’s meant to sound like a mindless party banger, but it’s about the state of modern relationships and breakups. It’s a really sad message but the music does make you want to dance, and ignore the problems he’s talking about. It’s genius!

Trombolese!

If Steve Miller can quite openly speak of the pompetence of love, then I really don't see what the issue is with embracing your own personally-held earnest trombolese

Be My Boogie Woogie Baby by Mr Walkie Talkie (Drafi Deutscher) is less than inspiring:

Be my boogie, woogie
A boogie woogie baby
My boogie woogie baby...repeat ad infinitum
Ah ooh
Sha la lala
Sha lala lala...and so on

For those under the age of 45, this was used as the theme to BBC Kick Start in the late 1970s. It might even have charted.

@ComDummings

Trombolese!

PREACH!

I am an idiot and proud

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

If Steve Miller can quite openly speak of the pompetence of love, then I really don't see what the issue is with embracing your own personally-held earnest trombolese

I always thought it was "Pompotesse". Like a really stuck up Duchess? And he was her spokesperson?

I am having a huge love/hate relationship with this thread

Tori Amos’ Cornflake Girl is one of my favourite songs but the lyrics are baffling……

Never was a cornflake girl
Thought it was a good solution
Hanging with the raisin girls
She's gone to the other side
Giving us the yo heave ho
Things are getting kind of gross
And I go at sleepy time
This is not really
This, this, this is not really happening
You bet your life it is
You bet your life it is
Honey, you bet your life
It's a peel out the watchword
Just peel out the watchword
She knows what's going on
Seems we got a cheaper feel now
All the sweeteaze are gone
Gone to the other side
With my encyclopaedia
They must have paid her a nice price
She's putting on her string bean love
This is not really
This, this, this is not really happening
You bet your life it is
You bet your life it is
Honey, you bet your life
It's a peel out the watchword
Just peel out the watchword
Never was a cornflake girl
Thought that was a good solution
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, oh yeah
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys,
Where'd you put the keys, girl
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much
Thinks he knows so much, yeah
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much
Thinks he knows so much, yeah
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much
Thinks he knows so much, yeah
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much
Thinks he knows so much, yeah, yeah
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl, oh this time
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, oh yeah
Rabbit, where'd you put the keys, girl

Late to this but I just had to add Have a Nice Day by The Stereophonics.

Love the song: it’s atmospheric and Kelly’s fabulous voice is impossibly languid and sensual. Then they go and add in the line which totally ruins the feeling.

I had to go and recheck the lyrics to make sure I wasn’t having a Trombelese Moment. But no, they do sing about processed fish…

Still love the song, though.

Wet wet wet songs bug me. Can hardly make out what he's singing half the time. This one particularly annoys me:

I was living in a world of make believe
When my best friend wrote and told me
That there may be a job in the city
And you never told me

Well how the f*ck was he/she supposed to know?

"Having a Trombolese moment" has entered my lexicon.

You should be stronger than me
But instead you are longer than frozen turkey

I love the song but this line …

I think they should just officially change the lyric to ‘trombeleeze’ because it’s what everyone hears.

Seconded.

@anne2650

Wet wet wet songs bug me. Can hardly make out what he's singing half the time. This one particularly annoys me:

I was living in a world of make believe
When my best friend wrote and told me
That there may be a job in the city
And you never told me

Well how the f*ck was he/she supposed to know?

I thought of Wet Wet Wet because I'm always wondering what they mean but when you read them written down they're actually ok!

No no
No no no no
No no no no
No no
There's no limits

TROMBELISE for me too!

My mother said to get things done
You'd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
You'd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
You'd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
You'd better not mess with major tom

Saturday Night by Whigfield

Dee dee na na na
Saturday night, I feel the air is getting hot
Like you baby
I'll make you mine, you know I'll take you to the top
I'll drive you crazy
Saturday night, dance, I like the way you move
Pretty baby
It's party time and not one minute we can lose
Be my baby
Da ba da dan dee dee dee da nee na na na
Be my baby
Da ba da dan dee dee dee da nee na na na
Pretty baby