The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone


There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

[WeatherwaxOn]

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
(Repeat until you want to wrench your ears off)


Also, as pointed out at a Bill Bailey gig, the woefully geographically inaccurate bits of 'Africa' by Toto

[FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother]

Like a shotgun needs an outcome,
I'm your prostitute, you're gonna get some

Lykke Li. The whole song is just ridiculous and embarrassing.

[Gingernaut]

"Christmas comes this time each year" - Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

[HunkyPunk]

I give you:
De do do do de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do de da da da
Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do de da da da
They're meaningless and all that's true.

[MooseBeTimeForSnow]

Shakira “lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains”

[MamaWeasel]

Birdhouse in your soul by They Might Be Giants. Bonkers.

[Craftycorvid]

‘Someone left my cake out in the rain, and I don’t think I can take it, ‘cos it took so long to make it, and I’ll never have that recipe again....oh yeah!’ And the rest of ‘McArthur Park’ is equally nutty, too.

[DinasCopUniform]

Life by Des'ree.
Shockingly bad!

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm afraid of the dark,
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
Oh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail
I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
Life, doo, doot dooo
Doo, doot dooo
So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You want to fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
(Repeat until you want to wrench your ears off)

To make it even worse, I always used to think they were singing (ad infinitum) 'she's slovenly'

[RussianSpy101]

Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag?

No, Katy Perry. No I do not.

[elQuintoConyo]

I'm serious as cancer when I say Rhythm is a Dancer

[PammieDooveOrangeJoof]

I was waiting for someone to mention ‘Life’@DinasCopUniform
Absolute shocker of a song

[redbigbananafeet]

Katy Perry - "did you ever feel like a plastic bag?" Has anyone?

[TheSpottedZebra]

Ha, I was waiting for Serious as Cancer!

[PammieDooveOrangeJoof]

I give you…

Slow, slow hands
Like sweat drippin' down our dirty laundry
No, no chance
That I'm leavin' here without you on me
I, I know

[CrunchTime22]

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
(Repeat until you want to wrench your ears off)

To make it even worse, I always used to think they were singing (ad infinitum) 'she's slovenly'

I think it was 'feel so lonely'? 😅

[DinasCopUniform]

@RussianSpy101

Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag?

No, Katy Perry. No I do not.

😂😂

[CrunchTime22]

@elQuintoConyo

I'm serious as cancer when I say Rhythm is a Dancer

I always thought that one was awful.

[DinasCopUniform]

@PammieDooveOrangeJoof

I was waiting for someone to mention ‘Life’**@DinasCopUniform**
Absolute shocker of a song

It makes me even angrier seeing it written down!

[JaneJeffer]

Hey Ya!

The whole song does my head in.

One, two, three!
My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
This I know fo sho!
But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me walk out the door
Don't try to fight the feeling
Because the thought alone is killin' me right now
Thank God for Mom and Dad
For sticking to together
Like we don't know how
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
Hey ya! Hey ya!
You think you've got it
Oh, you think you've got it
But got it just don't get it when there's nothin' at all
We get together
Oh, we get together
But separate's always better when there's feelings involved
Know what they say -its
Nothing lasts forever!
Then what makes it, then what makes it
Then what makes it, then what makes it
Then what makes love the exception?
So why, oh, why, oh
Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh
Are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here
Hey ya! (y'all don't want to here me, ya just want to dance) Hey ya!
Don't want to meet your daddy (oh ohh), just want you in my caddy (oh ohh)
Hey ya! (oh, oh!) Hey ya! (oh, oh!)
Don't want to meet your momma, just want to make you cum-a (oh, oh!)
I'm (oh, oh) I'm (oh, oh) I'm just being honest! (oh, oh)
I'm just being honest!
Hey! alright now! alright now, fellas!
Yea?
Now, what cooler than being cool?
Ice cold!
I can't hear ya! I say what's, what's cooler than being cool?
Ice cold!
Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright!
Okay, now ladies!
Yea?
Now we gonna break this thang down for just a few seconds
Now don't have me break this thang down for nothin'
I want to see you on your badest behavior!
Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!
Ah! Here we go now,
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Hey ya!
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, shake it, suga!
Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
Now all the Beyonce's, and Lucy Liu's, and baby dolls
Get on tha floor get on tha floor!
Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
Oh, you! oh, you!
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)
Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)

[Floydthebarber]

I worked in a childrens clothes shop years ago that played lots of inoffensive pop songs on repeat. Same cassette for weeks at a time. A line in one that has never left me:

If I had Shakespeare's way with words
I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it.

Awful. Just awful.

[Maves]

But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Otherwise love this song.

[KrakowDawn]

Conversion, software version 7.0
Looking at life through the eyes of a tire hub
Eating seeds is a pastime activity
The toxicity of our city

[Alfixn]

I came here to write the ghost/ piece of toast line but have been beaten to it.

But despite knowing all the words, I never really realised the utter meaninglessness of the Hey Ya lyrics until now. A worthy contender!

[musicalfrog]

@DinasCopUniform

Life by Des'ree.
Shockingly bad!

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm afraid of the dark,
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
Oh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail
I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
Life, doo, doot dooo
Doo, doot dooo
So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You want to fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo

That's hilarious I had no idea!