My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.

Chat

The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

198 replies

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/01/2022 22:59

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone


There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle Grin
Your nominations?!

OP posts:
Report
Laiste · 27/01/2022 20:41

@MrsMoastyToasty

Take your seaside arms and write the next line

Ah now if it's misheard lyrics we're doing ...

''I wanna runter you''

GrinGrin
Report
SnoozeAllDay · 27/01/2022 20:44

Anything written by Kanye west

Report
WinterCarlisle · 27/01/2022 20:50

For massive randomness (and a side of filth) may I present The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang? I particularly like “Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket” Grin

Ha ha, well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about
I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby, sweat baby
Sex is a Texas drought me
And you do the kind of stuff
That only Prince would sing about

So put your hands down my pants
And I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up

You've had enough of two hand touch
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want to you smothered, want you covered
Like my waffle house, hash, browns

Comin' quicker than Fed Ex
Never reaching apex like Coca Cola stock
You are inclined to make me rise an hour early
Just like daylight savings time

You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt
Only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics

Let me be specific
I wanna be down in your south seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean
Means small craft advisory

So if I capsize on your thighs, high tide
B 5, you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on
I?m Mr.Cofee with an automatic drip

So show me yours, I?ll show you mine
Tool time, you?ll love it just like Lyle
And then we?ll do it doggy style
So we can both watch X-files

You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You and me baby, ain?t nothin? but mammals
So let?s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Report
KrakowDawn · 27/01/2022 20:58

@girafferafferaffe I love that song too...but was he lying under a car? How on earth could anyone look at the world through the holes in a hubcap otherwise? Confused

Yeah, shoulda said, I always eat seeds while lying under my car....

Report
BullfinchJanuary · 27/01/2022 20:58

Worst eighties one is deffo "you're about as easy as a nuclear war!" As already mentioned.
We were all terrified at the time, it was our climate crisis, so it sounded particularly cloth ear to me at the time.

Report
WeaverofWords · 27/01/2022 20:59

Fill up my cup
Mazel tov
Look at her dancing
Just take it off

Black Eyed Peas

Report
Midge75 · 27/01/2022 21:03

@Alfixn

I came here to write the ghost/ piece of toast line but have been beaten to it.

But despite knowing all the words, I never really realised the utter meaninglessness of the Hey Ya lyrics until now. A worthy contender!

Oh my goodness - I'm so happy to see so many people bugged by the same lyric ! I've always hated this song, especially the ghost/toast lyric. So desperate. Ugh!
Report
Weredone · 27/01/2022 21:11

And give me all the work, work, work, work, work, work
He said me haffi work, work, work, work, work, work
He see me do mi dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt
So me put in work, work, work, work, work, work
When you ah gon' learn, learn, learn, learn, learn
Me nuh care if him hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurting
Mmmh
Mmmh
Work, work, work, work, work, work
Mmmh

Report
user1471453601 · 27/01/2022 21:11

I give you

And Oz never did give nothing to the tin man
That he didn't , didn't already have (me: ok, despite the double negative, I'm getting it so far)
And cause never was the reason for the evening
Or the promise of Sir Gallahad ((me: no, you've lost me now)
So please believe in me, when I say
I'm going down down down

Ect. Well, it was the 1960s and the tune was catchy, so what the hell.

Report
RainbowZebraWarrior · 27/01/2022 21:22

I guess this thread just goes to show what navel gazing self indulgent arses most lyricists are.

Report
DuesToTheDirt · 27/01/2022 21:28

@YesitsBess

Free from desire:
My lovers got no money
He's got his strong beliefs
My lovers got no power
He's got his strong beliefs

Followed by UTTER NONSENSE. That song infuriates me all the more because I misheard strong beliefs as "trombelise" and assumed he was some kind of busking musician with a tambourine/trombone crossover and thought "well he's never going to make any money busking with one of those is he?"

I'm still annoyed at him and his stupid trombelise.

Same here with the trombolise!
Report
trunktoes · 27/01/2022 21:35

My computer thinks I'm gay
I threw that piece of junk away
On the Champs-Élysée
Placebo

Can't get much worse than that

Report
RussianSpy101 · 27/01/2022 21:35

@YesitsBess @DuesToTheDirt the lyrics are strange and we all said trombolise and spent years wondering what the fuck a trombolise was, BUT this is one of the best songs EVER

Report
Kiki275 · 27/01/2022 21:41

"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time...."

Report
FleshLiabilities · 27/01/2022 22:02

My Humps. Black Eyed Peas

Whatcha gon' do with all that junk
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
Whatcha gon' do with all that ass
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream
'Cause of my hump (hump), my hump, my hump, my hump (what?)
My hump, my hump, my hump (hump), my lovely lady lumps
Check it out

Report
MintyGreenDream · 27/01/2022 22:10

TragicMuse it's about wanting another partner/shag

Report
Ididanamechange · 27/01/2022 22:22

Its going down
I'm yelling timber!
You better move, you better dance.
Let make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget

Well which is it?

Report
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/01/2022 23:03

That last song OP has got to be a joke

I'm pretty sure it was, actually - but as we've read many examples of in this thread, it's curiously not all that dissimilar to a lot of clearly non-joke songs!

OP posts:
Report
Heartofglass12345 · 27/01/2022 23:24

I always thought money for nothing sounded a bit random, I just looked up the lyrics and they are really offensive! Considering they removed a certain word from fairytale of New York Shock

Report
FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother · 27/01/2022 23:27

@YesitsBess

Free from desire:
My lovers got no money
He's got his strong beliefs
My lovers got no power
He's got his strong beliefs

Followed by UTTER NONSENSE. That song infuriates me all the more because I misheard strong beliefs as "trombelise" and assumed he was some kind of busking musician with a tambourine/trombone crossover and thought "well he's never going to make any money busking with one of those is he?"

I'm still annoyed at him and his stupid trombelise.

I am actually crying slightly with laughter over 'trombelise'. Fantastic.
Report
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/01/2022 23:36

I am actually crying slightly with laughter over 'trombelise'. Fantastic.

I'm about to head over to the Baby Names board now and canvas opinion on 'a baby sister for Magnétophonium and Sopranella' Grin

OP posts:
Report
LegallyBlende · 28/01/2022 00:00

"Don't you know? Pump it up
You got to pump it up"

Repeat x 30 times and that's your lyrics!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

YesitsBess · 28/01/2022 00:35

Just to further inflame all the trombelise crowd, I went to see Danni Minogue at G.A.Y and Gala were the bloody support act.

My dear friend Francisco had to physically restrain me from rushing the stage whilst yelling "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS A TROMBELISE?".

I'm quite comforted that others shared my trauma though.

Stupid trombelise.

Report
Timeyime · 28/01/2022 06:54

She's definitely singing "trombolese"; I refuse to believe otherwise. She'll never admit it but she is.

Report
Laiste · 28/01/2022 07:52

I spent a lotta years singing ''he's got his tangerines ...''

Hmm

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.