The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone

There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

For my it's "float on" by the floaters come on take my hand, let me take you to love land

@RicherThanYew

I may get piled on for this but the lyrics to Blurred Lines never struck me as rapey, just really shit. I honestly heard it and thought oh they've tried to rhyme a few words that sound roughly connected. I mean fucking hell:

you wanna hug me, what rhymes with hug me?

Followed by the literary genius of rhyming pimpin' with pimpin' 3 times

Yes!!! 'What rhymes with hug me' really angers me, it's so, so lazy

@eekbumbler

Hot dog Jumping frog Alberquerque

Classic love it! Not sure I can spell Alberquerque...

And wants to know what the chimney on her means (is old)

Just read this about The King of Rock'n'Roll: 'The song's lyrics concern a washed-up 1950s star who is only remembered for his one-hit novelty song, which is sung in the chorus ("Hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque").'

I actually quite like this lyric, but clearly somebody could not think of a follow-up after makeup. Robbie William, Strong:

And early morning when I wake up
I look like Kiss but without the make-up
And that's a good line to take it to the bridge

'Wonderwall' is utter wanky nonsense, imho.

@MamaWeasel

Birdhouse in your soul by They Might Be Giants. Bonkers.

Most of They Might Be Giants songs are nonsense and puns that rhyme, like Shoehorn With Teeth. Lots of them still crack me up, though.

Hey Ya never struck me as flippant! It's upbeat but is quite clearly about wanting to cheat on his partner without breaking down the relationship but with lots of vocalising and high-energy to detract from the seriousness:

'If what they say is
Nothing lasts forever
Then what makes love the exception?
So why are we in denial
When we know we ain't happy here?'

@WeAreTheHeroes

Chimney = black eye

I always thought Hey Ya was about a bloke who was a commitment phobe.

Yep, that's what I thought it meant.

In fact in Hey Ya he even explicitly says 'you don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance!' @JaneJeffer it's hiding the lyrical message in the music

"I met a girl , she asked me my name , I told her what it was "
By Razorlight .

For the stalwart A-ha fans out there, I could never understand the lines from one of their later minor hits, “The Blood That Moves the Body” where Morten Snorten Forten sings:
“Red stains, eyes of a blue dog
My pains fade as the interiors fog”
I mean, WTAF? And also “Take On Me”, I mean I don’t want to diss the Harket here but later in the chorus it does begin to make grammatical sense “Take Me On”.
I suppose his English is better than my Norwegian though! 😀

I still think Vossi Bop by Stormzy has the most annoying and pointless, nonsensical lyrics of any 'song' ever written.

U2

“A mole digging in a hole
Digging in my soul”

Justin Timberlake

“You’re out this world except you’re not green”

@HunkyPunk

I give you: De do do do de da da da Is all I want to say to you De do do do de da da da Their innocence will pull me through De do do do de da da da Is all I want to say to you De do do do de da da da They're meaningless and all that's true.

I think the problem with that song is ironically the opposite: like most of Sting's work he's insisted in writing out his message in full in lyrics which make complete sense when written out as prose but don't have the character of song.

Give me Hey Yah, which has an allusive mood and message any day over the "show your workings" song-writing that gave us
"He starts to shake and cough. Just like the old man in that famous book by Nabokov."

Simon Le Bon's lyrics are mostly gibberish though.

Wow, I always thought that Robbie Williams line was "I look like Casper without the make up". You know, as in Casper The Friendly Ghost.

So now what it actually is sounds quite sensible in comparison.

Africa by Toto

"The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti"

Solitary company? What the fuck is that. Whenever I want to be on my own I always take somebody with me? Does the singer also want some light darkness while he's there?

And the last line. See that mountain? That's like a mountain is that mountain! You can't compare a mountain to a mountain unless you're talking about some kind of geological features, in which case a bland-rock song isn't the best place to do it.

I wish I was a punk rocker, with flowers in my hair, sings Sandi Thom, clearly confusing punk rockers with hippies, and goes on to mourn the fact that she was “born too late into a world that doesn’t care.”

Chasing pavements !!!

Jamie Lawson “I wasn’t expecting that”
I hate, hate, hate it.
In fact all his songs sound the same.

Raindrops keep falling on my head.

@Mysterian Africa by Toto is a beautiful song but it makes me cry every time I hear it!

@BasiliskFace well she was right about the world not caring.

@MamaWeasel

Birdhouse in your soul by They Might Be Giants. Bonkers.

I love this song though!

@sashh

Feel like a room without a roof.

Rooms normally have ceilings and I don't think anyone feels like a room, and if they did why would that make them happy?

I do think pop music reflects the drugs popular at the time.

My husband is Scottish and he, and his family, call the ceiling of a room, a roof 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes, @Twospaniels - I love that record but it's a nonsense lyric. Dance like you're under the sky in a derelict building? Um, ok then.

More Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know is hilarious throughout, but my favourite line is:
"Don't say you're easy on me - you're about as easy as a nuclear war"