The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone

There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

Stromboli for me.

If I was a sculptor ha
But then again, no

Rubbish

Also from that @Lilyargin

I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Terrible

I always thought he had his dungarees

Lol, I always thought it was trombolese too. Assumed it was some sort of unusual musical instrument… never did think to fact check it!

Lager, Lager, Lager, Lager
Mega mega white thing mega mega white thing
Lager, Lager, Lager, Lager

Great tune tho

@DinasCopUniform

Life by Des'ree. Shockingly bad!

Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm afraid of the dark,
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
Oh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail
I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo
Life, doo, doot dooo
Doo, doot dooo
So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You want to fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
Doo, doot dooo

One of my fave songs! Haha but yea the lyrics are shocking, that's part of its charm

I just can't get you out of my head
Boy it's more than I dare to think about
La la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la la la x about 100

@MamaWeasel

Birdhouse in your soul by They Might Be Giants. Bonkers.

😆 It's so not bonkers. It's a lovely lyric about a little bird-shaped night light celebrating the safeguarding role of lights in history, asking you to take it to your heart.

I particularly like the verse which refers to ancient lighthouses:

There's a picture opposite me
Of my primitive ancestry
Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free
Though I respect that a lot
I'd be fired if that were my job
After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts
Bluebird of friendliness
Like guardian angels its always near

My contribution is Bob Dylan's Mighty Quinn:

… Oh you know I like to do just like the rest you know I like my sugar sweet
But jumping fumes and making haste you know it ain't my a cup of meat
Well everybody's out there feeding a pigeons all under the limb
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here the pigeons gonna run to him

Cup of meat Bob? Nice.

I am the walrus by the Beatles:

Sitting on a corn flake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you've been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob

I mean I know they were probably on acid but its the cornflake bit that gets me every time

Disclaimer :- I love this song. Still

I just want a rolly rolly rolly with a diamond wrench
I already got some designer to hold up my pants
I just want some ice on my wrist so I look better when I dance
Etc

Off to play it a few times

There seems to be a theme here- rubbish lyrics but much loved!

Pixies - Here Comes Your Man

The first line has it: “Outside there’s a box car waiting”

Wtf is one of those?

@WeaverofWords

Pixies - Here Comes Your Man

The first line has it: “Outside there’s a box car waiting”

Wtf is one of those?

A carriage on a freight train. Love Pixies songs.

@YesitsBess

Free from desire: My lovers got no money He's got his strong beliefs My lovers got no power He's got his strong beliefs

Followed by UTTER NONSENSE. That song infuriates me all the more because I misheard strong beliefs as "trombelise" and assumed he was some kind of busking musician with a tambourine/trombone crossover and thought "well he's never going to make any money busking with one of those is he?"

I'm still annoyed at him and his stupid trombelise.

@YesitsBess I used to mishear it as "trombelise" too 😂 no idea what I thought trombelise was 😂

Sorry to derail OP but I am so happy I'm not the only one who thought it was trombelise. This thread has been so cathartic!

"Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow..."

🤣

Wtf

@YesitsBess

Sorry to derail OP but I am so happy I'm not the only one who thought it was trombelise. This thread has been so cathartic!

Me too

Still say it !!

@Chishnfips

Lager, Lager, Lager, Lager Mega mega white thing mega mega white thing Lager, Lager, Lager, Lager

Great tune tho

😂😂😂

@LovelyLupins

Movin' to the country Gonna eat a lot of peaches Movin' to the country Gonna eat me a lot of peaches Movin' to the country Gonna eat a lot of peaches Movin' to the country I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches Peaches come from a can They were put there by a man In a factory downtown If I had my little way I'd eat peaches every day Sun-soakin' bulges in the shade

Tbf, most of the pewsidents of the USA lyrics are weird Little bag of bones been out all night Little bag of bones been out all night Can you hear him scratchin' at the screen door? Can you hear him scratchin' at the screen door? Little bag of bones been out all night

He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his head
He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his rain-soaked hide
He's circlin' around my ankle
He's circlin' around my ankle
He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his hide
Hey, kitty, won't you come inside

Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it
Kitty at my foot and I want to touch it

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow
Meow, meow
Meow, meow

Or
Lump sat alone in a boggy marsh
Totally emotionless except for her heart
Mud flowed up into lump's pajamas
She totally confused all the passing piranhas

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

To say a few. But I love their album, it's easy listening and don't take itself seriously

This gem by 10cc

Life is a minestrone
Served up with parmesan cheese
Death is a cold Lasagne
Suspended in deep freeze
Love is a fire of flaming brandy
Upon a crepe suzette
Let's get this romance cooking, honey
But let us not forget

Can't bear it....makes me want to rip my ears off.....ridiculous!!!

Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high (sugar)
Watermelon sugar high (sugar)
Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high
I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it
Watermelon sugar high
I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it
Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar

Tedious wailings (with a 'no really, this isn't objectifying women as nothing more than fruity genitals' video to accompany it).

Cup of meat Bob? Nice.

Wow - whoever would have guessed that Bob Dylan drank Bovril?!

Life is a minestrone

That reminded me of this shocker. Not sure about onions, but it sounds like the songwriters were using some very special herbs:

The world is just a great big onion
And pain and fear are the spices that make you cry
Oh, and the only way to get rid of this great big onion
Is to plant love seeds until it dies, uh huh

Hey world! We got a great big job to do
And everybody who loves truth
Don't you know we've got to clean up this place
And reach far high and oh yeah
We gotta be headstrong about rightin' the wrong
And make a mountain of happy souls

The world is just a great big onion
And I don't care, it's the face people like to wear
And the only way to get rid of this great big onion
Every one single soul's got to do their share

So come on, let's knock on every door
Tell them love is the answer
Whether they're rich or poor, oh yeah
For we don't care what you do
How you look, or your status claim, baby
No no, because brothers and sisters
From now on, is gonna be everyone's name, oh oh

From Love Me For A Reason -

Honey, give me a love
Not a facsimile of

I could never work out what the Osmonds/Boyzone were singing so I looked up the lyrics and found this. Seems a very silly song lyric!