The most ridiculous, pointless song lyrics you've ever heard

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I've heard it many times before, as it's very 'radio-friendly', but they recently played 'Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz again on Radio 2. It's a nice enough tune, but what on earth are those lyrics about? How would you not be ashamed to actually sing these lyrics in public?! I really hope it was meant to be ironic - but then again, that's a very easy excuse to pull out when put on the spot and challenged to justify your insane songsmithery!!

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic
Babe, I'm an addict now
An addict for your love

I was a street boy
And you was my best toy
Found it easy to annoy you
But you were different from the rest
And I loved you all the wrong ways
Now listen to my say
If it changed to another way
Would the difference make it
Would it be a classic
I gotta send it right away

Expressing my words
One page at a time
Then tearing them up
'Cause they never rhyme
Alone in my room
So far from your love
Whatever I write
That's not good enough

Also, this old one by Marty Wilde - cracking jolly standalone tune, but some numpty saw fit to add appalling random lyrics from the worst tourist information office in the world!

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
Well, you know he's mine

A chase in the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go
Then I promise to show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be.....

I can kind of forgive this one by Guy Marks, as I suspect it was deliberately written to make no sense whatsoever – but even so….!

Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes
You closed your cover before striking
Father had the shipfitter blues
Loving you has made me bananas

Oh, you burnt your finger that evening
While my back was turned
I asked the waiter for iodine
But I dined all alone

There must be loads of them. Not just songs with weak lyrics or cliched rhymes that don't really say anything profound - but ones that sound suspiciously like they were written by a ZX Spectrum through the medium of a chain of at least nine other foreign languages and cause you to make a face like Jimmy Nail licking vinegar off a nettle
Your nominations?!

Back in the 90s, German DJ Mark 'Oh released a track called 'Tears Don't Lie'. The lyrics consisted of nothing more than the title repeated several times to a funky techno version of the tune for 'When A Child Is Born' - BUT I clearly recall, to my great surprise, seeing on a copy of the CD single when I visited Germany that the song had FOUR credited writers.

I can't remember their individual names, but assuming that one of them was Ciro Dammicco, who actually composed the tune (alone), that must have meant that the other three were responsible for 'composing' an average of four letters of lyrics each

I love the song but hate the lyric " I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is"

It's just creepy, stalkerish religious gibberish and I can't listen to it without getting pissed of that it ruins an otherwise good song !

That irritating song that just went:

Remember me
I'm the one who had your baby

I'm assuming that it was originally recorded by a single mother as a massive personal dig at the useless deadbeat dad of her child, which makes a lot of sense; but whoever subsequently decided that it would be a great idea to release it to the whole world commercially?!

@RussianSpy101

Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag?

No, Katy Perry. No I do not.

So funny 🤣

Is it ...

Remember me

I'm the one who had your baby's eyes

@elQuintoConyo

I'm serious as cancer when I say Rhythm is a Dancer

Nooo they are not the lyrics? !! How did I not know that?

Standing in the bar
With my friend Olivia-h

The one that used to make me change the radio station every time it came on was 'pass out'

"I've got some many clothes I keep them at my aunts house"

Seriously?? How the hell does that pass for a good rap lyric???

anything very repetitive. zzzzzzz
Meatloaf comes to mind.

@Timeyime

Wow, I always thought that Robbie Williams line was "I look like Casper without the make up". You know, as in Casper The Friendly Ghost.

So now what it actually is sounds quite sensible in comparison.

Omg I have sung ‘Casper without the make up FOR YEARS’, what the hell.

@Inkanta, I thought I'd read Major Tom was a code he used for drugs. Couldn't have mentioned them back then.

I give you Tommy Cooper

I also came to post the Des'ree ghost/toast embarrassment. Dreadful lyrics.

There's a song I adore by a relatively unknown artist called Avi Buffalo. The song is called What's in it for? and it contains the gem of a line, "you are tiny and your lips are like little pieces of bacon".

Des'ree Life too. The lyrics make absolutely no sense. She says she will take you up on a dare anytime anywhere, but she's too scared to walk through the park. So she's clearly not that much of a daredevil is she?

Is it ...

Remember me

I'm the one who had your baby's eyes

I've just looked and it appears we (sort of, on average) had it right between us! It's actually 'I'm the one who had your babies '

@Glugglejug and @Timeyime I'm just gonna assume you're both about 10 years younger than me then! Casper vs Kiss!

@Xigris it’s about FGM female circumcision.

anything very repetitive. zzzzzzz
Meatloaf comes to mind.

Any songs in particular? I'd say you can accuse Meat Loaf (well, mainly Jim Steinman) of some very OTT, bombastic, often just pure crazy lyrics - but I'd personally never describe them as repetitive.

Unless you mean that Jim would often revisit similar themes and 'sample' the odd line or two from one of his earlier songs in a later one?

Even so, they were always 'stories' and not just the same single phrase repeated again and again ad nauseam. Still seems weird to say 'they were' now

@Inkanta

Is it ...

Remember me

I'm the one who had your baby's eyes

That's not creepy at all...

I thought it was the whore who had your baby, Aaaaaayyaaaaaaaa.

Bim bim bam bam bam bam ba bam. Etc etc.

I refuse to look it up.

Good Spandau ballet
Thank you for coming home
Sorry that the chairs are all worn
I left them here I could have sworn
These are my salad days
Slowly being eaten away
Just another play for today
Oh, but I'm proud of you, but I'm proud of you
Nothing left to make me feel small
Luck has left me standing so tall

Are the chairs worn, or have they gone?

Then verse two

It's only two years ago
The man with the suit and the face
You knew that he was there on the case

Oh that man with the face? Yeah I remember

Gold!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll the line from Remember Me is a sample from Woman of the Ghetto by Marlena Shaw, it's about being a black woman raising other people's children.

From one of my favourite songs, very bizarre lyrics,
"Hold my head
We'll trampoline
Finally through the roof
And on to somewhere near and far in time..."

Loved it first time I heard it , and still do.

"It's only two years ago
The man with the suit and the face
You knew that he was there on the case"

Sounds like my nan trying to explain someone I know. "You know the man with the face...and the hair! You know who I mean"