I'm God. AMA

[RealGod]

Trying to be hip with the kids and the internet seems to be the main form of communication these days, beats carving shit into stone tombs anyday.

AMA.

Got about an hour before I gotta get back to work, got my main man Jegudiel manning the post right now.

Why volcanoes and floods and stuff big man?? It’s a bit mean

Ssssup old man....high five...
Tell me the winning eurolottery numbers for next Friday.
PM it to me.
Oh and arrange that I am the only jackpot winner. You owe me! Don't ignore me.

Did you really make testicles out of little bits of leftover elbow skin?

Josh, honestly? Half population control and half wrath . You know how much a love a bit of wrath.
I mean it's been a while since a full earth wipe out so I gotta keep the low-key warnings there in the background.

Sheer I would love to but do you know how many people ask me that a day If I gave it to everyone that asked you'd all be getting 2p each of the jackpot.

Will my next door neighbour who has taken to painting his wall a startling shade of red be going straight to hell? Surely he deserves it

Elquinto... I made women out of ribs. You decide if that's outside the realms of possibility.

Thesepearls is it the neighbour to your left or right?

Are you still going with the full beard look, or have you opted for designer stubble these days?

How do you feel about the widespread hatred for and mockery of the Jesus sandal?

Boss. The beard never went out of style. These fucking hipsters thinking they started the beard love, it's laughable.

As for the sandals, I laughed at Jesus for wearing those too.

Full beard. Of biblical proportions. I go though 3 tubs of beard balm a week.

Seriously dude, what was with all that Tree of Knowledge bullshit?

Were you just having a bad day?

When are you getting rid of the Trumps of the world?

Longines
People get so worked up over that still. Truth? There was no good and evil about it.
I grew that tree for years, I won first place for Juciest Apples in that years produce show.
I just didn't want them eating my shit. Thought it would put them off.
Humans though. You tell them not to do something and they're on it like flies on shit.

Dad, WTF? This is Mumsnet.

You're so embarrassing. Ugh.

Are you a man or a woman, or a combination of both?

Which is your favourite out of all your creatures?

What were you thinking with the mosquito?

Is Heaven full of the smug and self-righteous?

Is it true that you made man as a prototype, to sort out the kinks as it were, and that’s why you made man before woman?

Compete.
Donald Trump is one of the saddest examples of the evil free will can do. I still have no idea why so many people voted for that douche-canoe.
I'm sure Lucifer has plans for him though (I try to keep out of that side of things usually)

Jesus

Go to your room. Now.

So are you and Lucifer really still on bad terms or do you have the occasional ManFriday pint together?

Also World Cup related.....shame about Argentina going out today when your obviously a fan (hand of god and all that....)

What do you like to be called?

Army, I like to consider myself as the best part of all people. So neither male nor female. Just best part of humanity with a shit tonne of cool powers on top.

Kinda like Chuck Norris.

When David Cameron, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Jacob Rees Mogg come to the pearly gates, what fate will await them?

I'd like it to be very drawn out and excruciating. Will you be subcontracting their fate to the other side? Or will you be overseeing their eternal torment?

Are you real?

If so where the fuck were you when I prayed really hard for a barbie house!