I'm God. AMA

[RealGod]

Trying to be hip with the kids and the internet seems to be the main form of communication these days, beats carving shit into stone tombs anyday.

AMA.

Got about an hour before I gotta get back to work, got my main man Jegudiel manning the post right now.

Joseph wouldn't have sent me to my room.

So you got that Mary pregnant and then left that bloke Joseph to bring him up as his own. Are you ashamed of yourself?

My favourite creature is the naked mole rat. He's actually based on a penis. Don't judge me, I was high.

The mosquito has it's place. See Jurrasic Park for details.

Robin. For sure. Trial and error.
If I had to choose a sex I would be female. Like Alanis Morrisette in Dogma.

Heaven is not full of smug people.

My book club is. I'm sure half of them just Google a synopsis.

Can you teach me the water into wine trick?

Also if there’s a special prayer for water into gin... that’d be great too.

TIA

Nah Lucifer is cool.

He actually ribs me constantly about how he's supposed to be the big, bad evil one but he only killed like 4 people in the bible and I killed a billion.
Kid cracks me up

Thesearepearls.

St Peter deals with people arriving at the gates. He's the one that sorts through people's life CV and ultimately decides if they get in.
If they don't they go on to the other place and I don't really get involved with that. On the whole.

Catchingbabies.

Course I am real.

Think you're getting me mixed up with Father Christmas though.

What's Jesus's first name? I mean if it is jesus, you should have gone on the baby names board first.... Just saying.....

Jesus, Joseph's a soft touch. Go stay with him a while if you want. I could do with the break what 30 year old bloke still lives with his dad

MrsMoasty, lots of guys raise kids that aren't theirs. I chose Mary and Joseph carefully. I knew he could handle it. Plus I gave them a donkey. Back then that was like a Lexus.

Why did you make Cameron, Gove, Boris, May and Corbyn?

Haven't we suffered enough already?

Water to wine is for us only.

You can do the less impressive wine to pee trick after a few hours.

Does Lucifer moan when you send him some really annoying ones?
Also, what was the point of all the other planets when Earth must be the only one you can have any fun with? (I didn't mention the rest of the universe because well, aliens)

It's just Jesus.

Think of him like Madonna or Lourde.

I wanted to call him Dave but was vetoed.

Chardonnays unfortunately life is about balance. If we didn't have dickheads and prices how would be recognise the angels?

Honestly, I know your the almighty, but what the FUCK were you thinking with spiders?

*you're

Why did you design us to have flaws? I mean, if I accidentally stick my elbow into my ice-cream, I cannot lick it off as my tongue won't reach my elbow. And don't get me started on the pleasure zone being so close to the waste ....

Lu rarely moans. He's a real diligent worker. He wears them down

Despite popular belief he doesn't take enjoyment from his work. It gets him down sometimes. The relentless damnation and torture.
We'll go for a spa day or to the cinema to chill out and take his mind of stuff.

It was actually him that invented Groupon.

At least Joseph didn't LITERALLY CRUCIFY me.

Harshing. I had this thing going where I was playing about with how many legs something could have before it just got too redonkulous, I got to the millepede and gave up.

However I had a bunch of legs on my desk and I was eating a dry berries and nut mix and a raisin just fell into a pile of legs. I thought it was hilarious. That's how the spider was born.

Do you regret sending 2 bears to maul 42 boys to death for calling the prophet Elisha a "baldhead"? biblehub.com/2_kings/2-24.htm