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AIBU?

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Original poster

Embarrassed after last night

262 replies

Letmecall · 10/10/2023 13:29

I have two DS, 3 and 4, last night we went for a meal with my partners family (his mum, step-dad, stepbrother (and his wife and 2 kids), stepsister, his step-dads sister, her husband, her son (and his wife and their daughter).
This is a group I'm naturally uncomfortable in, different lifestyles, but that isn't the issue.
The other kids were a 2 year old little girl, 3 year old girl and 5 year old boy. They were all so much better behaved than my boys. The 3 & 5 year old had ipad's which they used between courses but stayed seated and didn't scream/cry. The two year old didn't even have an ipad, she sat on her mums/nana's knee between courses but generally was just entertained by everyone around her and some stickers/crayons and paper. Meanwhile my boys had their ipads but this wasn't enough, they kept getting up, trying to run around, screaming when I tried to bring them back to the table. DS2 kept trying to annoy the other kids, poking them, stealing the little girls teddy.
We don't do nice meals out really ever (was a pretty nice restaurant), I don't think it is an environment for kids. But I know that the family with the 2 year old eat out more. I'm so embarrassed I feel like everyone was judging. My boys aren't usually "naughty" but I try not to put them in situations where perfect behaviour is expected. It was also a little past their normal dinner time (starters served at 6, usually eat dinner at 5ish) and I know the other kids all have later dinner times as their parents don't get them from school/nursery until nearly 6).
My partner thinks the kids did fine considering it wasn't an environment for kids anyway, but I can't help but feel embarrassed as the other kids managed fine and one was younger.
AIBU to be embarrassed? Is this my fault for not putting them in these types of environments more, or is it really not a place for kids so their behaviour was normal??

OP posts:
GoodLordHelpMe · 10/10/2023 13:31

I differ in that I think that's a fine place for kids. However, yours did okay! Please don't fret, their dinner was later than normal and they were probably excited about a different experience.

Original poster
Letmecall · 10/10/2023 13:40

GoodLordHelpMe · 10/10/2023 13:31

I differ in that I think that's a fine place for kids. However, yours did okay! Please don't fret, their dinner was later than normal and they were probably excited about a different experience.

Thank you, I just feel like compared to the other kids their behaviour was much worse and everyone was looking/judging.

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 10/10/2023 13:48

What are your children like at home? Do they stay at the table until you say they can get down? Do they play on their ipads during meal times at home? It is all built up from what happens there.

Hermittrismegistus · 10/10/2023 13:49

Well I don't think it's normal for children to go around poking and taking toys from others. The running around and screaming isn't acceptable either. You need to work on their behaviour.

Original poster
Letmecall · 10/10/2023 13:51

INeedAnotherName · 10/10/2023 13:48

What are your children like at home? Do they stay at the table until you say they can get down? Do they play on their ipads during meal times at home? It is all built up from what happens there.

At home they stay at the table and don't have their ipad's, but it's not even close to being the same. At home they only have one course and when they are done they can leave and go play. While they had food they were fine, it was between courses or in response to the length of each course as the adults were chatting meaning the kids cleared their plates before the adults.

OP posts:
HeatherMoores · 10/10/2023 13:53

DS2 kept trying to annoy the other kids, poking them, stealing the little girls teddy.

No that’s not acceptable. The other behaviour understandable maybe.

SeulementUneFois · 10/10/2023 13:54

Hermittrismegistus · 10/10/2023 13:49

Well I don't think it's normal for children to go around poking and taking toys from others. The running around and screaming isn't acceptable either. You need to work on their behaviour.

This OP.

justplodding · 10/10/2023 13:54

Dont beat yourself up, my first 2 DCs sat great in restaurants but my 3rd DC isnt so great, think it was a mix of covid meaning we barely ate out and she wasnt used to it.

user1471556818 · 10/10/2023 13:57

I think they did OK but could do a bit better .So now is the time to work on the aspects you raised .Just a few changes required like they stay at table till you are all finished

Basilton · 10/10/2023 13:57

Letmecall · 10/10/2023 13:40

Thank you, I just feel like compared to the other kids their behaviour was much worse and everyone was looking/judging.

Show quote history

So you need to work on improving their behaviour. 🤷‍♀️

Tessasanderson · 10/10/2023 13:57

Sounds like a lot of excuses for your children not behaving tbh. It doesnt really matter what social environment it is really, they should be able to behave, sit in their seat and interact if their parents tell/ask them to. No one expects them to be angels but if they cant do as they are told and sit in their seats at least without resorting to teasing other children to missbehave, well i think thats your parenting tbh.

SoRainbowRhythms · 10/10/2023 14:00

Not very fun for other diners to listen to either.

Mavissdaviss · 10/10/2023 14:00

Do you give them their iPads a lot? I save mine for occasions where I really really need them to be quiet and long car journeys so they are delighted when they get them.

Torganer · 10/10/2023 14:01

It happens, people with children understand. I also think restaurants are fine for children, we go often with our toddler.

Overthebow · 10/10/2023 14:01

Running around, screaming and taking other children's toys isn't acceptable in a restaurant, and can even be dangerous. You should have taken them out instead of letting that happen. No expects perfect behaviour but that really isn't good.

Original poster
Letmecall · 10/10/2023 14:02

Tessasanderson · 10/10/2023 13:57

Sounds like a lot of excuses for your children not behaving tbh. It doesnt really matter what social environment it is really, they should be able to behave, sit in their seat and interact if their parents tell/ask them to. No one expects them to be angels but if they cant do as they are told and sit in their seats at least without resorting to teasing other children to missbehave, well i think thats your parenting tbh.

You're right I don't really expect my kids to sit still for long periods ever. 20 minutes for meals maybe but that is it. I don't see the benefit in asking them to behave like adults, if it were up to me we'd have done a family day out to a farm park/the zoo/indoor playcentre so the kids could just be kids then had an adult meal without the kids.
The poking wasn't to be mean it was trying to get the other kids attention and definitely something to work on. Same for the stealing of the little girls teddy.

OP posts:
123ZYX · 10/10/2023 14:02

Did your children know the other adults there? Did the other adults help with your children (you mention the other toddler was on her grandmothers lap)?

I find that my DS would happily sit quietly for a little while with each family member when he was little but it's much harder if you're the only one there to entertain him

Thedm · 10/10/2023 14:02

Not going to make judgemental comments but now that you’ve realised this is an area you’ve missed, you can work on it and parent them through this sort of behaviour.

viques · 10/10/2023 14:02

If your kids were bored between courses to the extent of running around in the restaurant then one of you should have taken them outside even if just to walk up and down in the street for a while. Firstly their behaviour was dangerous, servers are trying to do their job without having to avoid rowdy children, and secondly there were other people in the restaurant who deserved better than to be annoyed by your children.

Sigmama · 10/10/2023 14:03

It's a bit sad all the kids have ipads

Bearbookagainandagain · 10/10/2023 14:03

Stealing toys and annoying others on purpose is never an acceptable behaviour, whatever the circumstances.

But I feel for you and them in this situation. My eldest is only 2 but we are doing a lot of work to get him to behave when we eat out. To be fair to them, it's not fun and they are bored! I think you need to expose them more to situations like this and build up their behaviour, starting with short duration and slowly increasing to longer meals.

Also I don't think you can compare children too much in this situation. Some will be perfectly happy with an iPad or drawings, others will naturally want to run around. It's more work with the later, you do need to teach them

OverTheCountryClub · 10/10/2023 14:04

I saw something online about this recently. Generally, the idea that in the UK people think kids shouldn't be (and therefore they aren't) involved in normal activities such as eating out, attending events and visiting a range of places from the supermarket to the theatre, meaning kids these days simply don't know what to expect and how to behave when they finally do go. Parents are encouraged to take their kids to "kids only" things and discouraged from taking them anywhere else, which I think is true. You see it on here a lot "child ruined my restaurant experience; who takes a child to the hairdresser with them; why is grocery shopping considered a family trip; weddings/big parties aren't for children"...and then wonder why children/teens/young adults don't know how to behave when they suddenly can go to these places! They won't learn if they don't do it. But the UK is peculiarly anti-children - other places are much more family friendly imo and people DO give you the stink eye for kids behaving in a very normal, child-like way. So I don't think the problem is you or your kids OP - it's society Grin

IncompleteSenten · 10/10/2023 14:05

They can't learn how to behave in specific situations if you don't put them in those situations.
Yes it's difficult at first but they learn.

Original poster
Letmecall · 10/10/2023 14:08

123ZYX · 10/10/2023 14:02

Did your children know the other adults there? Did the other adults help with your children (you mention the other toddler was on her grandmothers lap)?

I find that my DS would happily sit quietly for a little while with each family member when he was little but it's much harder if you're the only one there to entertain him

This is a good point. My kids "Know" all the adults but we are more on the outside of this group, the 2 year old had both parents and grandparents giving her lots of attention all night and partners step-sister was more interested in the girls than the boys. Partners mum had one of my boys either side of her and was really helpful, but they see her all the time so she isn't much of a novelty/fun for them to be around.

OP posts:
margotrose · 10/10/2023 14:10

How much experience do your kids have of a restaurant environment? How much experience do the other children have?

If you never take your kids out for meals, they're not going to have any clue how to behave and it's not really surprising that they get bored and start to play up.

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