Embarrassed after last night

if only parenthood came with a manual... and all kids were the same and acted the same too while we're wishing for things! The ONLY thing I know from having 3 kiddos is that they are ALL different and need different parenting tactics so its not unreasonable to assume that children from different households would be totally different - the dynamic is different too - 2 boys living together will generally interact differently together than a boy and a girl, that's just how it tends to be (and before anyone jumps on me, yes I know there are exceptions!). That said, my 'perfectly behaved' oldest, my 'tends to get bored easily' middly and my 'firecracker' littly all know that there are times when mum gives them 'the look' and its time to sit down quietly or there will be consequences when they get home (I'm talking loosing their ipads or other treat here) so its probably a little of both going on. I don't know what the solution is, maybe consider taking them for (less expensive) meals out here and there and actually teach them how they are supposed to behave - no shade on that comment but when you think about it, have you ever actually told them 'now in a place like this you are expected to stay in your seat', 'this is how you use the cutlery', this is how you ask the waitress for sauce if you want it', 'this is how you ask for the bill' etc? Just a thought but we DO kind of expect kids to just know some of this stuff ever if we haven't actually consciously 'taught' it to them??

Use the experience as a learning opportunity: talk to your children. Explain your expectations. Take some activities for them, I usually take a "happy bag" for mine, I pack drawing and colouring pads, pencils (don't bother with felt tips they're a nightmare) and a couple of 'quiet' toys (not electronic ones with sounds).

Take them out again on your own to maybe a cafe and practise, praise good behaviour and maybe get them a treat and a reward. All these behaviours are learned so keep practising until you're happy. It's a good skill to teach them 🙂.

The two year old wouldn’t use an iPad, they’re 2? I don’t think kids that age really watch TV do they?

I tried to get my son at that age to watch Tv to give me ten mins every now and again but he wasn’t having any of it.

As such I don’t think comparing the 2 year old is relevant, they don’t really use screens anyway at that age.

It also depends on tired kids are hungry and what day of the week is sometimes.

my son 9/10 is absoloutely fab. Other days it can be like we took a gremlin out. He’s 6 but we often take him out for lunch etc. we take his iPad but deploy it when he’s getting bored or we want some time to chat too and b it just ‘entertain’ all the time. We often take him one of the small Lego’s too, usually entertains him the whole time.

Yes completely agree- I’ve got 2 boys aged 8 and 6 and at that age they would have just run riot, fought and argued and there was literally nothing I could do to stop them. Believe me we tried everything. With the best will in the world they were (and still are) fairly rowdy brothers who have tons of energy and feed off each other constantly. They’re boisterous, loud and energetic and it doesn’t translate well to sitting in a restaurant nicely.
My 2 year old girl by comparison is a dream, she will sit quietly for hours having a nice chat or colouring in!
parenting has been the same, it’s purely personality and situation and I do think people who haven’t had 2 boys close in age would struggle to understand. so much judgement on here it’s unreal 🙄

Mine were all different, two of mine in particular were always very easy going in restaurants, my little girl is a dream but she's the youngest and follows her siblings lead now. My two boys were as you described yours at some point but we have always ate out, even when the experience wasn't as fun with little kids trying to run around and get down from the table, they got there eventually and once they did their restaurant etiquette became as you'd want.

I'd bet the other family have been through them same as you to get to the calm, easy going dining experience they now have and if they're judging you, quite frankly, you don't need not should you care about their opinion.

Sounds like pretty normal 3 and 4 year old behaviour to me. My kids are 7, 4 and 2- the 4 year old would be exactly the same as your two sons. My 2 year old, however, would happily sit and chat away between courses and be no trouble, and wouldn’t be bothered one way or the other about a screen. The 7 year old used to be hard work, but is great now. Their temperaments are just different- we’ve not done any amazing parenting of our 2 year old to make her that way- any more than we’ve done anything wrong with our 4 year old. Honestly, give yourself a break- if they were behaving that way at an older age then maybe it would be something to look at- but 3 and 4? You’re fine!!

The thread title is misleading It’s sounds like you trying to seek justification for your kids bad behaviour every time someone agrees that yes they should have behaved better you have a excuse locked and loaded so the whole
reasoning for this post was you hoping for self gratification 🙄 your kids behaved poorly end of

They’re still quite young to have to sit through several courses in a restaurant. That said, running around, screaming, poking other kids isn’t acceptable. My son isn’t great at eating out but has got better- I take him somewhere to run around before we eat, take snacks in case doesn’t like the food and he’s told he needs to sit quietly at the table as other diners are trying to eat their meal and it’s not a playground. Books to look at, games like uno (when older) etc Just something to work on with them and they will get there. I think boys also find this harder than girls

You already have the idea in your head that restaurants and meals like this are not for children so any behaviour from your boys that isn't mirroring the other children will be picked up on by you as you will be hyper aware. As long as the children are not disturbing other guests outside of your party or being disruptive to the serving staff then it's OK for the children to behave like this. We have always made a point to take our boys (now 5 and 8) to restaurants with family, friends or on our own, they haven't always been family friendly restaurants either. Our children are not anglels by any stretch but we teach them how to behave from a young age and can spot when they might play up so have strategies like taking them for a quick walk round outside or letting them sit under the table as long as they don't disturb others. We also have a rule that there is no ipads or electronics at the dinner table as we find this more disruptive than if they don't have them. Our boys also have a look at adults menus too just incase there is sonthing they would like amd have done since they could talk. Its by no means easy for us (as we have to contend with autism and ADHD) but children need to learn and understand how to behave in various environments so that can be well adjusted adults. You are being very hard on your children and perhaps you sound take them out more often to eat without electronics.

Oh please don't be embarrassed children are totally unpredictable and a completly different environment can spark off all sorts of things plus they may also pickup on your vibes too. You don't have naughty children, there is no such thing, but you may have spirited lovely children who in the eyes of others may sometimes do naughty things.

I don't think this is relevant at all. Mine don't behave like this and apart from the odd (picnic blanket) play date have never sat with other children for meals at a table as you describe.

Also I’ve just read your replies. Sorry to say but I do think the homeschooling is relevant. Your children aren’t use to sitting and eating with other children so they didn’t know how to behave. My 3 year old is at a school nursery, they are told what colour table to sit at and all 30 have to sit down and eat their lunch when they are told to. Can’t get up and run around. Eating with other children is a real anomaly for your children so they are bound to behave differently.

My children run around at home and it’s very hard to get them to stay still at dinner.
When we are out they are very well behaved. They will watch tablets but generally sit and chat, play with dolls etc. I don’t take my kids to expensive restaurants (can’t afford to) but I do take them to cheap ones and pubs for dinner. I do think it’s helpful if it’s not an abnormality. My eldest at 18 months was a horror in restaurants but we kept taking her and now at 3.5 she’s generally excellent. We do occasionally have to take her for a little walk. Maybe if you go with them and take them outside for a few minutes?
I would be unimpressed by the poking other children and taking their stuff in any scenario. I think at 3 they are normally old enough to know that’s not acceptable. My 3 year old would be in trouble if she tried that.

OP, be kind to yourself. No one expects perfect behaviour from children 24/7 - they are children! It’s happened now, take stock of your feelings and use that to move forwards.

A dinner is a long time for children and it sounds like they didn’t know better. However, the poking and taking toys isn’t ok and that would have annoyed me as the other parent.

I agree with the other posters about iPads and think it’s a shame they are used so much at dinner times. There’s lots of great ideas on this thread as an alternative to iPads.

I think the more exposure your children have to lots of different places/situations and the more you explain/show them what’s expected in terms of behaviour, the better equipped they’ll be.

Try not to compare to others, everyone has a different approach 😊

None of it is acceptable . Running around and screaming certainly not

Why are people so obtuse and black and white around here? It's obviously a combination of easy kid/difficult kid + parenting + situational.

People are very accepting of the term 'easy baby' and that being a 'thing', which has zero to do with parenting, but suddenly a 3 or 4yr old can't be 'easy' or 'difficult' and it's down to parenting alone? Rubbish. There's also the maturation aspect in there. If you've worked hard to get your kid to sit pleasantly at a dinner table for a year, then a proportion of your success is probably due to them simply getting older.

It can also be hugely situational. My twins (now 5) together, will NEVER sit pleasantly at a table in a restaurant – they will rile each other up. a) Because siblings 100% do rile each other up and b) because they are the sort of twins and personalities to be susceptible to rile each other up. The same undoubtedly goes for siblings either close in age or very into the same things/behaviours. When my daughter, however, is with her older cousin, she is infinitely better behaved.

We do not allow devices and tables or mealtimes and we are very strict with their behaviour at tables – this has led to lots of discipline and lots of removing them from the situation Time and time and TIME again. Guess what – they just won't do it, not when they're together at least.

They've gotten much much better at the dinner table at home, but I largely put this down to maturation. At meals out, they may be improving over time, but again, maturation.

OP, in the scenario you describe, with two boys very close in age, I imagine they feel completely justified in their behaviour because of being close in age, both boys, and being together. The other children you mention being there – a single child, and a brother and sister further apart in age – are much less likely to misbehave. Throw temperament in there, and you've got even more reason for misbehaving.

Wow there’s a lot of judgy replies. Your kids are very young, and it’s not reasonable to expect them to sit quiet and still for an extended period to keep adults happy. You could prepare a little differently. With mine, I would have given a small snack at their normal dinner time to help them get through. Think about what you can bring that they can play at or under the table, simple card games like old maid or memory match are good, or a few figures and vehicles. If they want to get up, could they make visits or take pictures and messages to others down the table or could you take them outside or to a quieter section with empty tables to play for a bit. But tbh sometimes kids just need to be kids and it’s better to go with it than create conflict.

I am honestly baffled by the number of parents on this thread who genuinely think that something as basic as getting their children to stay sitting at a table during a meal isn't possible unless you have an "easy kid".

It's not like those of us who manage it are saying it just happens. It doesn't. DD has been going to restaurants since she was a baby and now, at 5, she will happily sit and chat for most of the meal but will probably do some drawing or something in between courses. But that didn't happen overnight. At first it involved constant attention from me or DH / repeated redirection and reminders of our expectations / walks outside between courses / lots of entertainment in the form of sticker books, puzzles, drawing, games etc. It was hard work, and sometimes she didn't behave and we had to remove her from the restaurant and take her home. But that's parenting. Nothing "just happens". You make it happen but doing it over and over and over again.

SEN aside, there is just no excuse for a child not being able to behave properly at a mealtime.

Who said we were afraid of him? I said he only had to look at us a certain way. The same way if we acted like that at our own dinner table we knew we would be told off and there 100% would be consequences. Is that a bad thing? The consequence could be losing the use of a toy, being sent to our beds or whatever it needed to get the point across. Not everything has to be about being violent. Consistency is the most important thing but that takes hard work.

The 2 year olds brain in the op has matured enough to be able to act sensibly in public without too much effort. Kind of negates your reasoning.

Why is it a good thing that your dad only had to look at you in a certain way? I hate this old fashioned attitude of being afraid of your parents.
Would I like my children to be more civilised while out in public? Yes. Do I understand they are children and their brains haven’t matured enough to be able to behave like an adult? Yes.

Brilliant parenting. The family dinner table. Rules. Discussions.

Its becoming a lost art unfortunately. But its ok, its all because you are lucky......not because you worked hard for it.

What a complete load of bollocks. I was one of 4 children. 3 brothers and me. My brothers could cook up a storm in a padded cell at the flick of a switch.

My parents put a lot of work into us behaving properly when in public. My dad only had to look at us in a certain way and my brothers would sit down and shut the fuck up regardless of the situation.

Easy children, getting lucky. FFS is this what parenting is now about.

Actually I didn't have easy children. I had a son who never stopped running, who loved nothing more than jumping and climbing. It took a lot of work from a young age to teach him that there were certain situations where he was expected to sit and wait. He was never allowed down from the table at home until everyone had finished eating - it was non-negotiable. He was taught table manners, I should add that phones and electrical devices have never been allowed at our table. Back then we chatted about our days, school, the weather, his favourite cars, anything that kept him engaged. Now he's an adult we still sit at the table after a meal and chat about work, the news, his car(!) - it's one of the highlights of my day. That work we put in as parents has paid off in the most spectacular way. It's not judgy to say if you put the work in now you'll reap the benefits in twenty years time - just as I am now.

Hahaha! You did get lucky, you really did. You can teach and expect all you like but if your child doesn’t want to sit still they won’t. Enjoy parenting your easy children and judging those who don’t have easy children.

I shocked by the comments here! They are just normal kids who were probably tired, hungry and bored.