Embarrassed after last night

I agree with another poster, children have to be taught how to behave. If you’ve never allowed them to have those experiences then they don’t know how to behave when they are put in them, so you need to now parent them to behave in ALL circumstances, not just “kid friendly” ones.

OP I think you all did fine considering it was a strange environment for them.

Honestly don't worry about being judged. Are they nice people? If it was my extended family on my mum's side the only thoughts would be "oh poor parents didn't get to enjoy their meals" or "maybe we should meet in a different environment next time to be fair". They are lovely people.

My dad's side are not lovely. And they would sit and judge. But who cares what they think, they judge everything!

My DC are very placid and have always been fine in restaurants at any age and don't need screens. My sibling's DC were completely wild for the first six or seven years. It's just different personalities.

Be proud of your DC and your own little family. You're doing your best.

that is a lot of ipad time for 3 and 4 year olds

This. You really need to Crack down on this

But generally in Europe the kids aren't ruining other people's enjoyment.

We got out for dinner a lot and honestly it’s hit and miss for our 2 yr old. Sometimes he’s happy to sit, draw, chat and maybe a bit of tv on the phone. Sometimes one of us has to be walking him around / taking him outside basically all the time he’s not eating. There’s really no predicting it.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed if we went out and he didn’t want to sit though, they are young kids and it’s boring.

I used to give my kids a full on military briefing before an outing like this. We’d look at the pictures of the restaurant online and have a gander at the menu then I’d lay out pretty bluntly what behaviour I expected and what I didn’t want to see and what the consequence of the behaviour I didn’t want to see would be (usually standing with me in the carpark bored for 5 minutes to calm down).

It didn’t work all the time but it definitely helped.

If my kid was running around screaming in a restaurant I would have apologised profusely and left.

It was important to me that my DC knew how to behave when we ate out from an early age. Thus isn't the case for you, so next time I think you should decline an invitation to a decent restaurant so other diners are not disturbed.

My toddler can do an hour max sat at the table in the restaurant with a book to read or busy board to play with in between adult courses. If any longer one of us takes toddler out for a walk or delays the seating of toddler into the chair. But we also don't allow ours to get down until finished and don't allow screens, and keep the same rules when out so expectations are very clear.

I would be really bothered by an older child poking and stealing toys.

Well, it's hardly surprising they were messing about then - they don't know any better.

To be honest, though, I would expect a 3 and 4 year old to know that they can't run around in a restaurant, scream and steal toys from other children. That's bad behaviour no matter what kind of environment they're in.

It sounds like your kids need a lot more experience in these types of environments - just because your local pub has a play area and a kids corner, doesn't mean you can't teach your children acceptable behaviour.

But is that not just ignoring the issue?

OK you dont see the benefit in asking them to behave like adults. No one does. A child can be a child (Like the youngest in your example who interacted and was able to maintain a level of control without too much effort). When they are young its usually quite hard work to keep the little ones entertained whilst out for dinner. But you get it back eventually. In any case dont be surprised if you are not invited to events where your children are expected to behave in future. Not everyone enjoys sitting around at playcentres making small talk every single time so its nice, on the odd occasion to be able to get your children to toe the line.

Remember there are going to be other events like weddings etc where you are going to be expected to control your children. A little work at the dinner table now might just make life a little easier in future in a lot of aspects of child control.

Your dc don’t know how to behave because they haven’t been in that environment before. As a parent it’s your job to teach them.

The environment wasn’t unsuitable but the children weren’t aware of how to behave.

I’m afraid I also disagree with you op, I don’t believe what was clearly a child friendly restaurant is not a place for kids, how do you expect them to learn. Asking them to sit and behave for 20 mins is not, using your words, expecting them to behave like adults and am quite surprised you think that.

now sure kids prefer things like farms, but that doesn’t mean that they should only experience that or be taught to behave in those environments.

the issue however is not their misbehaving, it’s the fact both you and your husband were unable to control them , they would not do what you said.

it wasn’t the children’s fault. They did nothing wrong. You need to consider why if you tell your kids to do something at their age they don’t, and they can’t take their lead from the other kids, but do as they please.

honestly,it just gets harder, I’d try to resolve this. Don’t be embarrassed but consider it a learning experience where you learned something and work out how to resolve it.

But you tell them at the time, which she clearly did and they ignored it.

What was your partner doing? The behaviour of my two is hit and miss- if they're calm and collected I can relax and bask in (unearned) glory, if they're...not, DH and I tag team so we both get to eat and chat in turn.

I am old, so when our kids were young, we would take a bag of books, colouring, small quiet toys, etc whenever we went to eat out. The kids were not expected to just look after themselves, adults chatted with them, commented on the toys/pictures etc. But they had to sit at the table properly, and if anyone was getting wriggly or difficult, they would be taken off by an adult for a stroll outside. It all worked fine, we had many meals out with a big group such as described by OP, and I can count on the fingers of one hand the episodes where it went pear shaped. I'm not sure all the iPads in the world can compensate a small child for lack of decent adult attention.

Table manners was one of the things i instilled as early on as I could with my eldest child. I will do the same when the baby is old enough. I know children are all different but I believe it comes from the parents. Can't stand kids running wild whe staff are trying to serve food and people are trying to eat. I'd have felt embarrassed too and probably left.
Now you have seen the issue you can fix it else it will get harder to rectify as they get older I'd have thought.

If you want them to behave properly in public places then you've got to teach them how. Restaurants, buses, libraries, trains, supermarkets - there's a code of conduct for every situation that they need to learn.

What did you do before the meal? It can be a good idea to identify the nearest playground/green space, and get there in time for them to run off some steam before meeting up at the restaurant.

While they had food they were fine, it was between courses or in response to the length of each course as the adults were chatting
Then that is where you and DP start parenting. Interact with your child, or take them outside. Other adults are able to chat because they have already taught their children on how to behave. Once your children are able to sit quietly colouring, reading, chatting to someone, then that is when you and DP can chat to others.

It is easier if you each look after/amuse one child each. Decide beforehand, and tell your children your expectations before leaving the house.

Totally agree with this. I'm guilty of never taking my kids to the supermarket. Obviously, everytime they entered one, they were amazed and unable to behave sensibly. The solution wasn't to never take them, I now take them more and try to set expectations. They are getting better, and it's even easier if I get them involved in the shopping choices/scanning.

They behave impeccably in restaurants because we go out to eat a lot and they know how to act (and they don't have/need iPads to behave too). OP give it time, and perhaps take them into these situations a little more often.