Embarrassed after last night

Its not asking them to behave like adults, just like well behaved children. It's not like its not possible, you literally saw it in action.

You sound overly child centric and are probably very permissive.

Even when we are schooling they are allowed to stand up, walk away and come back etc.
Basically your kids do what they like.

You could try telling them what’s expected just before you go to the restaurant.
DH and I experienced similar. Invited my dc and dgc out, slight panic on their mother’s part, kids won’t sit still, they’ll make a noise, you’re used to European children who eat out all the time etc… Took 5 minutes to tell dgc we were all going to sit, running around wasn’t allowed. Indoor voices only. Everyone had a good time, no problems. If they’re not told, they won’t know. Everywhere’s a potential playground to kids.

Some of the adults tried to help distract others clearly didn’t have much patience for kids other than their own/own grandkid

Most people don't, and don't need to.

But you can start in small cafes- go for half an hour, have a milkshake; no ipad, sit at the table for a longer period of time. Behave. Sit quietly. Don't poke. No screaming.

Then they will learn how to behave while they are eating out- and will gradually understand that as they aren't at home, their behaviour will impact on others.

When they start school, being able to sit still will be a very useful skill. It's interesting you say you try not to put them in situations where their behaviour needs to be perfect. Why? I'm not talking all the time but eventually you need to teach them that in certain situations, they need to behave.

You are placing a lot of the blame on it being a post restaurant- the truth is you are embarrassed because they didn't take a blind bit of notice of you or your husband.

Some kids are just calmer and will sit more easily.
Some kids don't have much experience in some sitautions and havne't learned the skills for that yet.

I only judge if the parents are ignoring the behaviour or indulging it as if it's cute when they are annoyiing other people.
As long as you are trying to entertain them, not letting them annoy others and taking them out if necessary I have sympathy with parents with kids in restaurants.

Keep taking them, they'll learn over time and meals out can become an enjoyable part of family life.

Have a bag of activities for restaurants. Colouring, games you can play together, actibity books an adult can look at with them etc. It does mean meals out aren't very relaxing for a few years, but you soon move on to family games like Uno, or funny group games, and then before you know it, you've reached the stage where you can drink wine and just all chat.
This only takes around 10 years 😁

Good Luck don't be embarassed it's just part of having kids.

They just need more practise OP. That was a big event for a first time and the other children were at an advantage being well travelled and knowing expectations.

Please don’t stop taking them to cafes and restaurants (if you can afford it of course) how will they learn of you don’t do it. It’s part of their social education and is very important.

Go with just your own little family to start with but don’t expect them to just sit quietly and nicely right through. They need constant interaction with you and need to feel included or they will act up to get attention other ways. Talk about your expectations beforehand. Take books, paper pens etc. and talk to them constantly …. Tell them stories or tell them about the first time you went to a restaurant /on holiday/ to a party etc and give gentle reminders saying …this is the way we behave in a restaurant and there are certain things that aren’t allowed eg running around, talking over each other, getting down from the table, and being loud or disturbing others. Make sure you listen when they talk and enable them to feel valued and special.
Make it a a fast food place to start and gradually guide them for longer sitting down times and waiting for food times.
Praise them if they managed it ok. Take them home if they can’t manage it and try again another time. Tell them that they can have desert or be taken somewhere different next time if they can manage to behave nicely the first few times. Then, when you are fairly sure they can meet your expectations, you can tentatively start to go with other families.
It’s all a learning experience for them as well as for you. but you do have to guide them. You can’t expect them to just know how to behave.

Well that explains everything. Your kids your rules. But don't complain when people don't want to be around your children. Sadly they will be the ones paying the price for your parenting. Everyone knows someone who they say oh I'd love to invite Cornelia but then she'd bring those awful children.

Next time feed them a small protein snack before leaving home.

JFC there was a time OP when nobody had an i-pad. Literally nobody. Or a phone. Yet most of us managed this stuff just fine. Do you think there might possibly be a connection?
Without tech to get us through, we had no choice but to involve the kids fully in conversation and keep their interest their interest. They weren't expected to just sit there next to us, absorbed quietly on their screens - which tbh, sounds a bit boring anyway around a dining table, but instead we all chatted together, no matter how limited that made things. It was knackering and there were many many times I would have LOVED something to take the pressure off and make my life easier but with the benefit of hindsight it was how they learnt what was expected.

The issue is parents trying to use iPads to shut their kids up at the table instead of teaching them table manners. I don't think it's acceptable for kids to run around screaming in restaurants, and being annoying to other kids sitting nicely at the table at all. Bloody screens are NOT the answer to everything, all they are doing is teaching kids they need to be distracted at all times and contributing to an inability to interact normally with other people and behave.

Yes I know I sound like a grumpy old woman but I've seen this time and time again and it is frustrating. Especially if you're sitting at the next table trying to enjoy your meal in peace!

100% agree. Screens are definitely a factor in behavioural issues.

Are they your partners kids or not?

I would text the family members that were there and apologise and say that they’re not usually like that.

I would be more embarrassed if my kids acted like that all of the time, rather than just a 1 off because they were over excited/overwhelmed.

And so I’d be just letting everyone know that they don’t normally act like that.

It is always harder when there are multiple kids as they bounce off of each other.

My DD is an only child and is usually an angel and people think I’ve smashed parenting, especially when my nieces and nephews are acting crazy.
But I’m definitely not, she just doesn’t have any siblings winding her up!

How important is it to you @Letmecall ? Being able to behave when eating out was really important to me so I put in a lot of work. It started at home when once they were big enough for a high chair they were expected at the table for the duration of the meal. I had four and it was hard work to interact with all of them and keep them involved, but it paid off and from a fairly young age it was a delight to eat out with them (and still is). Sometimes some colouring in was offered, but my children grew when iPads were new so they were never used and it saddens me to see children on them in restaurants when it’s an opportunity for their parents to chat to them.

Only you can decide how much it matters to you and your family.

When my children were small I would have loved to sit next to your family - mine would have looked so well-behaved in comparison. Seriously though, if you ever want your children to learn how to act in situations where sitting quietly for more than 20 minutes is required (meals, school, travel, cinema, theatre, GP's waiting rooms) you are going to have to practise. Start with easy locations and build up the time. Talk to them before and during, praise and reward when they try hard. Do things you know they will enjoy. If you are out at a child-friendly venue still have some expectation that they remain seated until everyone has finished eating and don't let them annoy staff or other diners.

I don’t want to derail the thread but I would think about sending your kids to school.

I work with SEND children, many of which haven’t been to school for years because they’ve not been able to meet their needs and so struggle to follow rules.

It always amazes me the transition from day 1 where they are stressed out, have anxiety, act crazy etc to a few days later when they are so much calmer, happier and follow the rules.
It is simply because there is a set routine and rules and learn from their peers.

Their parents regularly tell us how much calmer and happier they are at home and I really think having that set routine, rules and being around classmates can be really helpful.

If they're not taken to restaurants, how will they learn how to behave in a restaurant? I think most people start with pretty basic, family friendly, quick affairs, rather than somewhere nice and build up.

Would you go from never having run before to running a marathon? Children need training.

The issue is parents trying to use iPads to shut their kids up at the table instead of teaching them table manners

And yes, I whole heartedly agree with this. My daughter thinks I'm a mean mummy for not allowing devices in restaurants, but how else will she learn polite behaviour of I don't teach her?

Don't beat yourself up.

I've always taken my DS out to cafes and restaurants since he was tiny to teach him how to behave in public where he can have my undivided.

Never too late to start.

I think if you want your children to know how to behave in certain situations you need to tell them, show them, model behaviour and talk them through it.

Homeschooling where they can do as they please won't help with this, so it would be an idea to perhaps have a more formal meal on a Sunday for lunch, for example, so that they learn what is expected of them.

‘I think what’s making me feel so embarrassed is the 2 year old didn’t even have an iPad, and was by far the best behaved that’s as the youngest and only one without an iPad, how could she do it?’

I’m not sure if you are joking or not? Most children don’t have ipads and if they do they certainly don’t take them to restaurants.

This comment along with solving this by avoiding it and homeschooling so that they can wonder around as they like. If you aren’t joking then best of luck for the future?

I understand you are embarrassed but you haven’t prepared them for this type of environment and so you can’t expect them to know how to behave.

You’ve said you avoid putting them in situations like this, they aren’t in a formal education setting so no other adult is teaching them the skills and so I don’t really think you can be embarrassed of them as they haven’t been taught any different. The situation is embarrassing but it’s the product of your parenting style.

Me too. But I also used to make sure they weren’t expected to sit there for ages. One of us would take them to the play area or even for a walk outside - usually whoever was not related to the rest of the group.