Embarrassed after last night

Restaurants can be a bit boring for little ones but I agree that the more you take them the more they get used to what is expected. I never liked iPads for mine tbh as I always found they were like zombies watching them or playing the games. I always took colours and books to restaurants though and even something as simple as noughts and crosses could help keep them sat in their seats.

That being said I don’t think you should be embarrassed around family. If my dn’s get bored when we are eating out I don’t judge, I do my bit to try and entertain them.

Don't worry too much on it, but maybe sign up for Toby carvery and harvester and when you get a deal (if money is an object like it is for me!) book in and go there for some practice for the kids. Mine goes a few times a year and the places are full of children, with a salad bar in harvester which is a novelty, and they can pick their own food at toby. The food isn't amazing but in terms of practicing eating out we find they built the foundations for our 4 year old so we can establish sitting with no devices, talking to each other, and staying at the table until everyone has finished all courses and the bill is paid. They'll play up a bit the first few times, but the place is full of children playing up so no one will bat an eyelid. This worked for us and we can occasionally go to a 'fancy' place now and behaviour for 'eating out' is well established but it was done in a non stressful environment!

I don’t agree with the “kids will be kids; it’s expected that they will be bored and act out” mentality.

I’d be fucking mortified if my kids were running around in a restaurant screaming, but they’ve been raised to know that isn’t acceptable and won’t be tolerated.

Stop excusing the behaviour and be firmer with them, especially in a public setting. You might be fine with their antics, but I doubt the other diners appreciated them.

We used to have Sunday lunch/dinner as a special occasion every week. We would set the table properly, have napkins, usually two courses and good behaviour and conversation encouraged! We would big it up all week, invite them to be involved in choosing the meal and cooking it, and invite family to join sometimes. What it meant was the dcs got used to knowing how to behave in a safe environment and also that meals out were less stressful. We did eat out often as well. It worked! Wasn’t too much effort for us either because we had to eat anyway!

@IfYouDontAsk
I fully agree, I don't go out for a meal to tolerate screaming and kids running riot, either work on their behaviour or don't bring them to restaurants, their carry on is not acceptable, poking and taking toys 'to get attention' isn't good, they're 3/4, do they behave like this at nursery?

I meant you shouldn't be ashamed if your 3 year old tries to do it, not that you shouldn't stop them doing it! Perhaps that wasn't clear. Of cours you can't let your 3 year old run around a restaurant. But I don't think that you have failed as a parent if your child that age tries to

What was your husband doing while this was going on?

They're not that young - the four year old will be at school next year. He certainly won't be able to scream, run around the dining hall and tease other children there.

I'm also curious as to why you feel a restaurant is inappropriate for children. They need to eat just the same as adults do!

The more you take them out the better they are behaved generally but my tip is that you need to be interacting with the kids rather than relying on the iPad - pens and paper, puzzles etc. Mine are out from birth long before they invented iPads and they stayed seated because that was expected, no excuses, but you can't expect them to cope if they aren't use it it without encouragement

Perhaps add them staying at the table at home until everyone is finished as a starting point, this has always been the case in my house, no exceptions even for my autistic dd, we have high expectations

DS is 15, so I'm long past this stage.

He got an iPad for school in Y5! 30mins weekdays and unlimited at weekends is way too much for little kids imo.

He had a couple of kiddy Leap Pad type things when he was younger, but we never took them to restaurants.

We have always eaten out with him. He was in 3 pub type restaurants the week he was born.

It takes practice and experience to be able to sit for any length of time. You need to work on that at home.

This..

@AliceOlive

I don't agree, I expected my kids to behave at the table even as toddlers, and they did, children are part of families and should be part of family occasions.

Some kids are just a nightmare to eat out. My older DC was an Angel. My 2 year old DC is awful. She kicks up a fuss, won’t sit, pulls her face at all food, throws herself to the floor having a paddy. I’ve now said I’m never taking her out for a meal again! I know it’s not my fault. I have 2 children with the same DNA who could not be anymore different.

My dc were not too bad in restaurants thankfully.
Dgs has had his moments but he got taken outside and given a talking to by his df. Once after he had behaved badly his df took him to one side for a chat. When he returned ddil said did daddy tell you off?
He replied ‘ It’s worse, he said he’s disappointed in me.’
Which proves that dc know when they’re not behaving.

That is really terrific. But I still think family occasions should be held in child-friendly places until all of the children are well-behaved enough to be completely unnoticed by other people in a restaurant. and I think the parent isn’t necessarily a great judge of what well-behaved means for everyone else there.

As much as they like on weekends is a lot....

We are possibly too generous with screen time with DS who is 6 but he's never had it at meal time in or out of the house. He will draw or read or ask to 'explore' with an adult if he's bored. But we do go out as a family to a variety of places and have always eaten that bit later so he's not as Hangry as your kids might have been.

YABU to expect your children to know how to behave if you haven't shown them and 'trained' by doing it, starting with e.g. costa for a babycino and a piece of cake.

my kids won’t sit nicely in restaurants either OP so it’s not just you. It’s not something we do often and the younger 2 tend to get over excited when we go out, they don’t ‘run around’ but will try and get under the table, fiddle with cutlery etc and talk loudly/shout. My eldest is autistic and can find it very overwhelming, especially younger Dcs behaviour and will usually have a meltdown at some point 😬

I like them all to get some experience eating in nice places in the hope that they will eventually learn how to behave, so occasionally take them out individually for a nice lunch etc and they’re always very well behaved when they are separated. I have resigned myself to Macdonalds in the car when all three are together though!

I am starting to understand what was happening with some of the kids at my local infant school who used to just try to get up and wander about every 5 minutes, no doubt their parents didn't see why they should "behave like adults" either.

Sorry OP I think they need more practice and you need to expect more of them. I wonder if you've fallen for the stereotype that boys are more boisterous and can't be expected to sit down, so you let them get away with it. I bet two little girls aged 3 and 4 would have been cracked down on for behaving like that.

OP put together a 'busy bag' (we had one for car journeys/flights when the kid were little. Small toys, colouring, stickers, whatever they enjoy doing (NO SCREENS) and they can get something out every 10 minutes or between each course etc. Practice using it, first for example in a coffee shop, then a lunch etc.

I think you have probably got the message from PP that you need to give your children more practice in eating out. Things will get better, I'm sure. Don't beat yourself up any more. The other parents are probably feeling smug about how well their kids behaved by comparison, so you have probably made them feel quite happy.

Some kids are just easier than others. Sometimes nothing works. But off the top of my head, stuff that can help:

• do the right stuff in the hours beforehand - give them a good runaround so they are not bouncing off the ceiling, but not so much that they are knackered. Body and brain regulated as much as you can, before you even enter the restaurant. This is probably 70% of it with my kids.
• Plenty of attention & interaction from a parent in there. We tag team but obvs it's harder for single parents
• Regular practice at not having an iPad on tap. We had a rule of no tech in the car. If they're not used to it they don't need it (my DD is autistic. I know this one is not easy and might not be possible for all, but don't be too quick to assume your child is one of the exceptions)
• Take them out for a run around between course if they're getting hyper.

Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw and even if you throw everything at it, it doesn't work. The question for you is whether that's the case here or whether there is more you can do.

I agree with this but take a different lesson from it. Children in other European countries are habituated to behaving 'properly' at mealtimes and, due to a more family-friendly culture, to dining at restaurants in adult company.

It's chicken and egg maybe, but child-friendly in those countries doesn't mean kids run around treating restaurants like play parks. The point about the other children at your table having more direct adult support is valid - but the more helpful message is the one about their having more practice at civilised dinner-time behaviour.

Being confident, polite and at ease in a mixed, semi-formal environment is a valuable life skill. The younger the start, the better! As a bonus, their kids - your eventual grandchildren - will be well socialised, because it'll feel natural to your DC.

Taking dc out to dinner before the age of about 5 is hard work. I would say it takes about 80% of a parent’s attention to chat with them, draw, play games, etc. You can be listening to other adult’s conversations and occasionally add a bit, but really your focus is on your dc. If you have another parent with you, then you can take turns. Pre school age dc I would expect to be able to sit nicely for a good while if given parent’s almost full attention.

I know iPads and phones are now acceptable for dc to have in restaurants, but it doesn’t really teach them how to have conversations, what is expected behaviour wise, how to be patient, how to be sociable.

Meh, I think you should've tried hard to entertain them at the table. If Ipads weren't working then try something else- I do think it's a bit rich you calling out your husbands family's lifestyles when your kids were running a muck.